There were 175 spoof news stories published in May 2015. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Princess Charlotte Is Already Tweeting!
Yep, you read that right. She started at four days old and there's no stopping her. Here's a sample of her tweets: -- Slept through homecoming from the hospital. I was bored. -- Hate my plain knitted cap. Fit for a peasant. Would it have kil...
Read full storyOffice workers to face corporal punishment when they misbehave
- IFL Group, an Internet marketing agency in Aberdeen brought in the system - Punishment is used on 'a minority' of workers with low productivity or who misbehave - Bosses smacking their employees will 'encourage other workers to work harder'...
Read full storyTom Cruise Tells North Dakota High School Class "You Can Do It!"
Shit City, North Dakota - Celebrity Tom Cruise likes to give back. Having given millions of dollars to homeless men and women throughout Canada and New Zealand, the actor says he now wishes to "deign to condescend to backwoods hicks" and has schedul...
Read full storyAirbag giant explodes with ideas to repurpose its rejects
Tokyo - The largest recall in automotive history has left auto-parts fabricator Takata holding the bag… Or more specifically holding 34 million defective airbags. Problem is, the devices have a tendency to go off like bombs, whenever the weath...
Read full storyMan Walking Dog In Woods Doesn't Find Murder Victim
A man walking his dog in a wooded area near Evesham has told friends how, despite expecting to any minute, he didn't find a mutilated corpse, the victim of some gruesome revenge killing or spontaneous, frenzied 'rape-gone-wrong'. The man, Ernest N...
Read full story"Exhausted" Manu Ginobili Returning To Nazi War Criminal Compound In Argentina To Contemplate Basketball Future
Los Angeles, CA - A subdued Manu Ginobli has a lot to think about following the San Antonio Spurs heartbreaking game 7 loss to the Los Angeles Clippers in a hard fought first round series that many think featured championship caliber play. Ginobli s...
Read full storyAyn Rand Zoo Opens, Closes, on the Same Day
IRVINE, CA--The new Ayn Rand Zoo, located in the same city that houses the Ayn Rand Institute and funded solely by private donors like Sheldon Adelson and Koch Industries, opened--and closed--last Wednesday in what Objectivist philosopher Leonard Pe...
Read full storyMurderer Kevin Williams walks out of prison in Eastchurch on Sheppey, Kent
A convicted murderer walked out of an open prison by "asking the prison guards nicely to open the gate" and went to stay with a friend, a court heard. Police tracked down Kevin Williams at flats in Sheerness and instead of going back to Standford...
Read full storyCandidate Sanders picks Colonel Sanders for VEEP slot
Burlington, Vermont -- Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has selected deceased fast food mogul Col. Harlan David Sanders as his vice presidential running mate. Asked to describe the "flavor" of their campaign, Col. Sanders said: "It...
Read full storyFasc' Factor: Mike Read's BNP/Nick Minaj Comeback Medley
The thing about the greatest performing artists of all is that they never, EVER gave up. Regardless of practical setbacks, ridicule and open hostility, figures of the calibre of Ravi Shankar, Beethoven, Mick Jagger, the singers of "Moves like Jagger," Rihanna… Not to mention respected (sorry, respectable… no I mean, petty-bourgeois) protest guitarist Tony Blair… These have all consistentl...
Read full storyPlymouth beggar banned from discussing the weather
An aggressive beggar who is believed to have targeted disabled and elderly people has been banned from talking to strangers about the weather. Anthony Fox had even led his victims to discuss more technical weather-related subjects such as the leve...
Read full storyGQ Poll Shows Women Find Karate Stance Most Sexy
Washington, DC - a recent study of 3000 women around the globe, found that nearly three quarters of them found men to be sexiest when standing in a thai-chi, karate stance, regardless of ethnicity. This peeked our sexual curiosity around the offic...
Read full storyItalian Navy Tows Jay Z and Beyonce's Yacht To Port For Smuggling Refugees.
Italy (the toe part) - The Italian Navy towed a gleaming white mega-yacht into port, allegedly belonging to rap mogul Jay Z and Pop Star wife Beyonce, for allegedly trying to smuggle more than fifty refugees into Europe, authorities say. But, Jay...
Read full storyPolice officer sues Starbucks for million dollars. Gained 300 pounds on free doughnuts!
The Raleigh News & Observer is reporting this morning that a Raleigh police officer is suing Starbucks for one million dollars. His lawsuit states that he gained over three hundred pounds in three years from free donuts he had been given at the...
Read full storyCockroaches running riot in Jenna Bush Hager's flashy Long Island kitchen
Long Island, New York - An airbrush artist employed to showcase Jenna Bush and husband Henry Hager's Long Island teardown is being sued for failure to erase creepy-crawly images inside the couple's beachside home. Pictures posted on Sag Harbor's B...
Read full storyPolice arrest man who failed to use knife and fork in Didsbury restaurant
Staff and diners were left disgusted when a man eating at a restaurant blatantly refused to use his knife and fork and ate with his fingers. The 52-year-old was eating a margherita pizza at Zizzi's restaurant in Didsbury, Manchester at 1pm today.
Read full storyBoyfriend knows girlfriend is exactly one glass of wine away from falling asleep on couch
Charlie Barlow reported with confidence on Saturday night that his girlfriend Stacey Cunnings was just one glass of wine away from passing out on the couch and leaving him in peace to go on his laptop the rest of the night and have some "me" time.
Read full storyIBM sells itself to self
From the moment the bell rang, the stock market went bananas. For days it had been rumored that IBM was up to something. For the entire week the stock reflected unusual activity. The volume had increased from its usual daily volume of 12 million to 1...
Read full storyPolitical Cartoonist Purchases Famous Internet Image Board
A renowned political cartoonist has recently purchased a famous internet image board known for its dark humor and political incorrectness. The political cartoonist has had hard times with their career as a political cartoonist due to the lack of...
Read full storyIsle of Wight Independence Party promises referendum following election
In a shocking addendum to their manifesto released last week, the Isle of Wight Independence Party (IWIP) has promised the island's residents a referendum on the subject of independence if they are successful in next weeks election. 'If Independen...
Read full storyJobless father who blew benefits on sausage rolls banned from every Greggs bakery on 13-mile stretch of coast
A feckless father has been banned from every single Greggs along an entire 13 mile stretch of coastland after going on a six year sausage roll addiction funded by state handouts. Jobless Mervin Gardener, 25, terrorised police, supermarket security...
Read full storyUK Urban Guest Spot (1/#1) DaveCam's Huggarappa Remix
Back in the UK, it is not well good, but even it is not like the USA and the authentic hip-hop musics, our Dave has made a well good rap what is telling us what is what. Yo I'm Dave, got a Cam, and I like voting that way, Down from me crib in the commons, Lil bit o' wur, bit o' way, I'm like the common pleb's friend, endless key chain like a bell-end I've as many flashy chains a...
Read full storyOMFG! Shaikh of Araby's swear box secrets freak out Hillary Clinton
The Gulf - An eminent Arabian head of state who fined visitng dignitaries for profane language is making America's former Cursed Lady squirm. Shaikh Ratel Anrol, head of the powerful House of Swords, secretly installed a Sharia-compliant swear box...
Read full storySouthWest Airline's New "Pass The Bottle" Policy
Phoenix, AZ - Gas prices are on the rise once again, and once again this means that our nation's airlines are busy coming up with sneaky new tactics to gouge a few more dollars out of the old bottom line. This week, SouthWest Airlines announced it's...
Read full storyTom Brady Only Semi Deflated After Suspension
Boston, MA - In the wake of the on going Deflate-Gate football nonsense investigation that has been gripping all of America for many months now, Tom Brady was handed, what most in the sporting world see, as a rather harsh penalty, a four game sus...
Read full storyRobber, Bill Reid, robbed bank with can of Coke
A Ramsgate man robbed a bank two days before Christmas and escaped with a large amount of money. Bill Reid armed himself with a can of Coca Cola and held up a security guard delivering cash and Coke cans to a Nat West Bank in the town. But when...
Read full storyGod has resigned
In a shock announcement this morning God announced his resignation over the outcome of the UK General Election in which David Cameron was reelected with an overall majority. An angel appeared in our offices this morning with the announcement, whe...
Read full storyKelly Carlin Revises George Carlin's List of Words You Can't Say on TV
DAYTON, OH - George Carlin's only daughter, Kelly Carlin, has updated her father's famous list of the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". The first list that George Carlin made was presented in his 1972 monologue "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television". The words are: shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Kelly Carlin's revised list includes 42 words yo...
Read full storyDallas Cowboy Cheerleaders Called in to Ward Off Government Invasion of Texas
DALLAS, TX--Gov. Greg Abbott, fearing an invasion by the federal government this week, called in the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders to ward off what many in the Loon Star State believe is an invasion designed to take over Texas and force all of its unins...
Read full storyTeenager went for drunken night out in Oldham... and woke up in a crater on the moon
* Sam Barry was getting a cab home when he decided to go to the moon * Booked flight from phone and woke up at South Pole-Aitken basin, the capital crater of the moon * 19-year-old said he won't use passport as ID when he goes clubbing again...
Read full story'New species' of ancient human found
A new species of ancient human has been unearthed in the Afar region of Ethiopia, scientists report. Researchers discovered jaw bones and teeth, which date to between 3.3m and 3.5m years old.The teeth showed signs of violent clenching and grinding...
Read full storyRapper .50 cent Lowers His Price For Walmart Ad
Los Angeles, CA - Rapper .50 cent has apparently completed terms on a contract with retail giant Walmart, in an agreement to cross-market one and others brands. The Walmart folks want America to know that there is nothing that they can't cut the pric...
Read full story10 year old girl arrested after drawing hopscotch grid on the pavement outside her home
* Danielle Blackburn was arrested by police for drawing on the pavement outside her home in Kent * Father, Mick Blackburn, fully supports police over the arrest A schoolgirl was arrested by police for drawing a hopscotch grid on the pavement,...
Read full storyCalifornia Teen joins with Native Americans Nations to Start Non-Profit: Dance the Drought Away
At first blush Marlaina Lloyd looks like your average 8th grader from Southern California. However, this 13 year old Californian decided enough wasn't being done in the face of the serious water shortage and drought in California. The State Water...
Read full storyGeorge Stephanopoulos Admits To Having Paid 75 Large For Collection Of Hillary Pantsuits
BILLINGSGATE POST: Beleaguered George Stephanopoulos of ABC News admitted to MSNBC's "Out-of-the closet-and-in-your-face" Rachel Maddow, that he did, indeed, have a collection of Hillary Clinton pantsuits that stretch back at least 20 years. Desc...
Read full storyGoogle Becomes Main Source Of Knowledge In Universe; God Steps Down.
Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the Internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam's giant planet computer in Hitchhik...
Read full storyRory Breaks Up With Hampster, Wins Twice!
Charlotte, NC - It seems to any keen golf fan that World #1 golfer, Rory McIlroy, plays best after he has parted ways in a relationship. Last year, after kicking his fiancee, Woz, to the curb, he immediately won two big tournaments. Now, according to...
Read full storyUnited Arab Emirates national flag on 100ft flagpole discovered on NASA's Mars pics
Arabian Gulf - There were huge grins all round at the Al Mushrif Presidential Palace in Abu Dhabi this weekend as NASA released images of the red planet's Aeolis Mons district showing the UAE national flag flying atop a 100ft pole. "Of course thi...
Read full storyIllegal Aliens refuse to drive Los Angeles streets
I was scheduled to get my new 5 year license at the Department of Motor Vehicles at 2 P.M. As I approached the door I noticed hundreds of people lined up, angry and shouting. They had placards and waved them. I stopped to ask an older man with gray hair and a feather in it, about the tumult. "What's going on," I asked him. Fortunately he spoke enough English for me to understand him. "Gov...
Read full storyBrad Pitt casts Leonardo DiCaprio as attorney Randy Mastro in blockbuster Chevron movie
Hollywood, California - "Except that Randy's way better looking," Mrs Mastro tweeted this evening as the news of Brad Pitt hiring Leonardo DiCaprio sent the price of crude rocketing another $57 a barrel. The Wolf of Wall Street actor will star as...
Read full storyLois Lane, Clark Kent Advocate For Clean Needle Exchange
In the past, conservatives successfully pushed Congress to prohibit federal dollars from being used to distribute sterile syringes to intravenous drug users. Now, with a severe outbreak of H.I.V. and hepatitis due to a surge in heroin use in states...
Read full storyNew Mental Disorder: "California Drought Syndrome"
American Psychoanalysis Online Spring, 2015 by Giacomo Puccini, Contributing Editor Last week, for the first time in the state's history, Golden State's Gov. Jerry Brown imposed mandatory water restrictions, requiring all cities and towns to cut their water usage by 25 percent. The action was taken because California's reservoirs have about a year's worth of water left. Too, Groundwate...
Read full storySidibe/Curry Rom-Com Pulled from Theaters
For the first time in showbiz history a motion picture has been pulled from screens across the U.S. due to it's disastrous economy wrecking title. The romantic comedy, starring Gabourey Sidibe and Tim Curry, was about a May/December romance that b...
Read full storyAnonymous Hacks Autocorrect, Changes Every Fourth Word To Pizza
The cyber watchdog group Anonymous just issued a statement claiming responsibility for the latest internet attack that has journalists, bloggers, texting addicts and people searching for cat videos all over the world shaking their fists in frustratio...
Read full storyRoad reopens after Asda receipt is found on M2 near Sittingbourne
A section of the M2 has reopened - more than eight hours after an Asda receipt was found near a slip road. Highways Agency experts say the receipt has now been removed from near the exit slip road at Junction 5 of the M2 coastbound carriageway for...
Read full storyFurther to Mike Read Article: Nonsense Jokes About Nonsense UKIP
Regarding my recent article on TheSpoof http://www.thespoof.com/spoof-news/magazine/13496/fasc-factor-mike-reads-bnp-nick-minaj-comeback-medley I have not seen any proof that Mike Read is a fascist or fascist sympathiser. And he does appear to have shown regret for the original UKIP Calypso; which is more than can be said for some. Yet, I felt that doing a send-off (WHOOPS!) of the w...
Read full storyThe final word on Deflate-gate
Editor's note: On Saturday, May 24, Patriots coach Bill Belichick conducted a press conference to provide the final word on the ball-inflation investigation. The full transcript as provided by the team appears below. BB: I want to take this opport...
Read full storyUKIP's Tarquin Proclaimeth, Albion Fall Silent!
Once, Tarquin Binnett warned us about the damage idle female bishops are doing to all our bathrooms, summoning divine flood-vengeance upon our Englishmen's castles, and leaving the floors wet and untidy. http://glossynews.com/society/human-interest/201503070309/ukips-tarquin-idle-woman-bishops-naughty-un-british-weather/ But what about the terrible gay warming crisis? You know, there is...
Read full storyJudge Rules That Wile E. Coyote Can Use Predator Drone To Attack Road Runner
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a preliminary hearing, Judge Amos Whitaker ruled that Wile E. Coyote be allowed to use an unmanned aerial vehicle (UAV) to attack Road Runner. Despite arguments by Road Runner that this would give Coyote an unfair advantage an...
Read full storyMan jailed for not eating a chocolate bar quickly enough
A former council worker who did not eat a chocolate bar quickly enough on a very hot day, leaving it completely melted, has been jailed for 11 years. Under the extended sentence for chocolate product protection, Joey Smith will have to serve two-t...
Read full storyTechnological home breakthrough
Havvanna Stairlifts have just announced their latest innovation for the modern home with elderly relatives living in. A built in commode for the stairlift to save those poor old crumblies the inconvenience of going to the bathroom and pissing all ove...
Read full story50,000 dope dealers 'including drone pot delivery service' following Obama's @POTus tweets
Washington DC - East Coast pot entrepreneurs Bong-U-Like were one of the first to retweet Barack Obama's inaugural message from the newly launched @POTus account. The drone pot delivery service operates a major concession in DC with the President...
Read full storyJohn Kerry hospitalised after copycat Bush maneuver
Switzerland - The US Secretary of Snakes has fallen off his bike after attempting to channel George W Bush's famous Gleneagles maneuver. 69-year old John F Kerry was in the Alps demonstrating the former US President's signature 'saddlesore' posit...
Read full storyNSA Requests Americans Limit Length of All Calls And Text Messages
In a recent press release, NSA Director Michael S. Rogers requested that all Americans abide by the agency's proposed limits for all phone calls and text messages. The guidelines set forth by the NSA include, among other things, a maximum length o...
Read full storyLink between rocks and humans discovered
Year: 2 Billion A.D. Famed Paleo-Anthro-Ist, Dr. Luke Doctor, has discovered, what he believes is the link between humans and rocks. Dr. Doctor has long believed that rocks, mountains and the like, are alive, just as humans. Of course living for rocks is different than living for humans. "So," Dr. Doctor says, "is living for plants different from rocks and humans. Plants turn toward the s...
Read full storyManchester United star Ashley Young banned from shopping for six months for speeding in supermarket aisle
Manchester United star Ashley Young has been banned from shopping for six months for speeding in a supermarket aisle. The 28-year-old England international admitted to pushing his trolley at 5mph on a 3mph section of Aisle 8 at the Tesco on Parrs...
Read full storyWhat the Hell are the Royals Doing in New Zealand of All Places?
In order to answer this simple question our magazine "Conned Weekly" contacted Lord Hiram Abiff Cook of the British Foreign Office London who candidly answered unaware that we had recorded the conversation. Here is what he said: Well, old sport...
Read full storyTea Party All-Stars to Negotiate Merger with ISIS Following 'Beheading Obama' Pic Posted
Twenty minutes of Photoshop has caused the two greatest terrorist organizations in the world to come together to destroy democracy. Thanks, Adobe. On Saturday, a supporter of ISIS (Islamic State of Iraq and Syria) released a graphic photo of Presi...
Read full storyLady Gaga Rips Out Tony Bennett's Rotator Cuff
New York, NY - Crooner Icon, Tony Bennett, had to undergo emergency rotator cuff surgery on his right shoulder this week, and reps for the 89-year-old singer are squarely blaming new sidekick, Lady Gaga, for the debilitating ailment. The two singers...
Read full storyFlorida college promises No More Genital Probes
Orlando, Florida - Some dirty old men at an Orlando college have been slapped with a multi-million dollar lawsuit for running a diagnostic sonography program on students' vaginas. Women studying at the Orlando Vulva Academy had been told their A-...
Read full storyFive Mistakes you Should Never Make at Work
1. Showing up there, unless you want to or need to. 2. Allowing yourself to be pissed upon from a great height by your boss. He/she is not your parent. He/ she doesn't know you. They only imagine they do. That is how they got to be boss in the first place. Like David Cameron got to be PM. 'Knows' everybody, does David. 3. Misunderstanding the true nature of the...
Read full storyClimate changing denier deny deniers
In a startling turn about "Slick" Jim Mason, CEO of Exxon announced that he has seen the light and is reversing his opinion on climate change. "I think," Mason said, "fossil fuels does cause global warmin' and climate change." Jim took off his cow...
Read full storyCosts-Benefits Luncheon on Capitol Hill... Obama.
Yesterday, President Obama looking resplendent in tux and bow delivered the following address to a select group of financial experts, bankers and Congressmen at a luncheon held at Capitol Hill Washington. Here is part of his address. "Seven thous...
Read full storyObama orders military to battle global warming
Top pentagon officials were quick to react in the wake of President Obama's recent proclamation to graduates of a military academy that "climate change" is a top "threat to "global security" and that military leaders who don't take appropriate action...
Read full storyPro Golfer Erik Compton Gets A Quick Liver Switch
Dallas, TX - Our man, Chip Fairway, is out on the long lonely pro golf trail, where it's Texas Swing time on the PGA Tour. Along the way, he has uncovered the tale of a man who has seen some adversity on his way to becoming a pro golf journey man. Er...
Read full storyBaltimore Homeless Dealt With During Curfew
Baltimore, MD - During the recent Baltimore riots, the many homeless people living on the streets were also forced to comply with the city's overnight curfew, which lead to some very strange scenes in the down-trodden city. "They duct-taped me to...
Read full storyISIS claims responsibility for your spilled milk this morning
Militant Islamist group, ISIS released a statement this morning claiming responsibility for acts that will certainly interrupt your daily routine. "We will strike you when you least expect it, when you are most vulnerable, when you are still rubbi...
Read full storyU.S. Finally Hears Of British Elections
New York, NY - Yes, even here in this busy epicenter of the universe, as happens every few years or so, (or how ever you people do it over there,) New Yorkers collectively learn that Britain, otherwise known as England, is currently holding elect...
Read full storyHope Stupidly Springs Eternal for Struggling New Yorkers
According to recent polls, over 70 percent of New York City residents remain ridiculously optimistic about their futures despite overwhelming indications that nothing in their personal or professional lives will ever change for the better, thereby pr...
Read full storyA science experiment in Boston: Three stories of trash and half a $5 bill encased in ice remain as Old Man Winter heads south for a while
BOSTON, Mass. - Remember that horrible Boston winter that had a blizzard effect all over the cable news networks? Well it's still around. It's not snowing on the East Coast now that Memorial Day has come and gone, but the remnants of last winter stan...
Read full storyMagu, The Jumping YouTube Cat, Accidentally Returned To Box Store
Tokyo, Japan - Well, it finally happened - Magu, the lovable fluffy cat that loves to jump into any box he can find for his Youtube audience, was finally returned to a box store by accident on Friday. "I had just bought a new vacuum cleaner," expl...
Read full storyThe secret campaign slogan that Obama is trying to gift Hillary Clinton
Obama now says that he was misquoted by the media during the last election campaign and that his words were taken out of context. Obama claims that what all of this shows is the harmful effect on journalism that the cuts and downsizing at large Ameri...
Read full storyScientists Unveil Fartiest Galaxy
NASA Scientists unveiled detailed photos of the fartiest galaxy in the known universe.The Odor Difourus Gallaxy,located behind the belt of the Orion Constellation, which is now making it's decent in the summer sky of the Northern Hemisphere, is well...
Read full storyRoad Runner Clones Join ISIS: ACME Forces Drop Anvils Upon Hearing "BEEP! BEEP!"
BILLINGSGATE POST: Like Homer's Sirens, who lured Odysseus with their beautiful voices of doom as he sailed off the rocks of Scylla, the "BEEP! BEEP!" emanating from the Road Runner is now piercing the morning solitude from minarets in Ramadi, luring...
Read full story10 Signs Your Boyfriend is Cheating
1. You hear him laughing with his mates and when you turn around they are all staring at you with a smile on their faces. 2. He no longer looks into your eyes or asks your advice about anything. 3. When you try to kiss him he sniggers; and when you ask him what he is sniggering at he says: "Oh, something just popped into my head." 4. He no longer wants to dine at your "favourite" restaurant. 5...
Read full storyAlistair Campbell Explain Why YOU Should be Voting
I'm going to go to the polling station and choose the least despicable of x number cynical warmongers who are bombing people in other countries in the name of their own moral charisma and divine mission, destabilising entire regions purely in the name of their petty self-interest, and deliberately and maliciously placing the wellbeing lives of UK citizens at risk... But you don't go to the pol...
Read full storyTracy Morgan settles suit with Walmart
Today Tracy Morgan, famed comedian and star of many funny programs, settled his automobile head-trauma case with not-so-funny Walmart. The terms of the settlement were confidential, but for a price, (undisclosed,) we were able to determine the gen...
Read full storyLiberation Of Tibet Imminent - Dalai Lama ecstatically states that Tibet will once again be his and celebrates with the buying of surfs!
The Dalai who is quickly approaching his eightieth birthday has said recently "This will be the year!" referring the end of Tibetan struggle with China being aligned with his eightieth birthday. A well-established fact amongst most of the Dalai Lama'...
Read full storyUK Eurovision entry bids to become first song to score minus points
With only a day to go until the final, UK entry Evacuated Bowel say that they want to go one better than the last few dismal efforts and actually register a negative score. Their song, 'I Want Your Ear Wax All Over Me', is an up-beat reggae song that...
Read full storyThe End Of Hipsters?
San Francisco, CA - It has been a good, long ride for the waxed mustache set, but it appears that there might be moth holes in the secondhand fabric that is keeping this trend together. We talked to a well-pierced waxy named "Scat-Cat," who claimed t...
Read full storyLorry driver Richard Langford jailed for trying to import 50,000 chocolate bars through Dover
A lorry driver has been jailed for smuggling chocolate bars through the Port of Dover. Richard Langford, 31, was caught with a staggering 5,000 kilos of Dairy Milk, 1,000 kilos of Galaxy and 3,000 U.S. Hershey's chocolate bars when he was stopped...
Read full storySepp's Main Aim
With the re-election of Sepp Blatter as head of the mafia Back and to the Left news travelled to Switzerland to visit the man himself. After passing more security than a secret research facility we were taken to a giant pool room. Half naked beauties bathed in a pool of champagne and frolicked under waterfalls of gold flecked water. We would have given them a wave but that would be a breach of...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Goes In Search Of "The Little People"
Hillary Clinton set out on foot across Iowa yesterday from her Des Moine Hotel. Her goal: Find the little people everyone always talks about. "Well you don't know how people are until you actually meet them and I'm not going to step on those littl...
Read full storyApple to Unveil iPen
CUPERTINO, CA - Apple announced this afternoon that it will release the iPen in June. Tim Cook, Apple CEO, told The Spoof that the new iPen will be revolutionary. It will feature sustainable technology and a unique method of putting words onto pap...
Read full storyTed Cruz Blocked On Facebook By His Own Mother
Texas Senator and presidential hopeful Ted Cruz (R), in an emotional interview with Fox News pundit Bill O'Reilly, revealed that his own mother recently blocked him on Facebook. This unprecedented act of maternal indifference comes at a very str...
Read full storyWhite Man Kills Unarmed Black Bear
ANCHORAGE, AK - An unarmed black bear was fatally shot after it threatened a white homeowner and his white dog. At 1:36 p.m. Saturday, the Anchorage Police Department was notified that a large, tattooed, male black bear, wearing a hoodie and saggi...
Read full storyScience Fiction Versus Political Fiction
Warning: Chance Discovery of Future Now Securely Archived Past, present and future are ever-present, as the tinpot Eliots among us will no doubt affirm. The future is documented already, but little more can be said for it than this. Still, there is at least one "consolation of misosophy." To wit: The prying pleb hands of prying plebs (who arrogantly demand "freeloader user status"...
Read full storyBakers prosecuted over 'homophobic' fairy cakes
Dublin, Eire - A Mountjoy Square bakers is being taken to court about its 'homophobic' fairy cakes and family recipe chocolate fudge muffins. Brothers Eamonn and Seamus O'Gateau who run the Mountjoy Bun-in-the-Oven Bakery have been ordered to st...
Read full storyAre we ready for a Jewish Pope?
Dear Monsignori Vincenso, Thank you for your favorable response on the phone stating that a Jewish person can run for the Papacy. Naturally, I wish the Pope the greatest health, but the inevitable is inevitable, as it is said. (Leviticus 12.2) So, it is not to early to get my name before the public so I may get, as we say here, a ground swell. We discussed the economics and promotional...
Read full storyDon't be afraid to pray to the Holy Spirit
May 31, 2015 3 minutes after Vespers Written on my iPhone Sent by email to the website, "PrayersGalore.universe Dear Holy Spirit, Yesterday I prayed to Jesus, God, Mary, St. Dominick the thin, Mother Doris,and Nun Kolodnic. I asked for wisdom, guidance, truth, clarity, and a bagel with cream cheese. I hope you are not offended that I didn't include you in my prayers. It wasn't an...
Read full storyJoe Biden snaps up George Harrison's Fender Ghettoblaster for $500k
New York - Vice President Biden made the winning bid at the Hard Rock Cafe today setting a new record for Beatles memorabilia and other bits of useless 60s music tat. Bidding was brisk at the Times Square venue as the 1965 Stratocaster, first used...
Read full story'A Beautiful Launderette' numbers man found RIP in back of Yellow Cab
New Jersey - A topnotch mathematician thought to have been the inspiration behind the movie 'A Beautiful Launderette' has been found in a deceased condition inside a crashed New Jersey cab. John Doe Jr and his wife Jane, both 103, were in the bac...
Read full storyBaltimore Cops Use Flash Mob Tactics
Baltimore, MD - In a sneaky and cunning display of police tactical maneuvers, the Baltimore Police Department have implemented new and creative ways to round up would-be rioters. Several dozen officers were dressed up and placed around the downtown a...
Read full storyHow Unemployment Really Works
Derek in Accounts Payable was an excitable type, but only to a certain extent. When he rounded the corner to speak to Jason, his boss, colleague and friend he was more excited than normal. The fact that he kept his voice low to avoid others hearing was indicative that it was also something serious. "I've got it Jason! It just came out of the blue and punched me in the eye!" "What is i...
Read full storySheldon Andelson buys George Soros
"I don't know how it happened," Madge Filber, Sheldon Andelson's private secretary said. She scratched her right ear lobe where a pearl earring hung on a 4 inch chain. "I was sipping hot water with lemon, in a large coffee cup, when Mr. Andelson a...
Read full storyHillary slapped with racketeering lawsuit
New York - Famous Manhattan law firm Fang & Claw LLP are lead attorneys in a RICCO - Racketeer Influenced Corrupt Clinton Organizations Act - lawsuit against the former Fist Lady according to reports. Hired by scions of a famous US presidentia...
Read full storyPresident Enlists Superfriends to Fight ISIL
President Obama stated today that he would engage the help of "all the Superfriends" to fight the growing threat from ISIL in the next few years. "Yes, we'll have Superman, Batman and Robin, Wonderwoman, or Wonderperson appreciated regardless...
Read full storyHull Housewives Getting Jittery Over Tigers' Relegation Tussle
The end of yet another English Premier League season is upon us, and even though the title race has been decided, there are still relegation issues to be settled. In amongst these are Hull City, whose fans, although still believing in their team's ab...
Read full storyBlatter For West Ham
Troubled Fifa President, Sepp Blatter, is to become West Ham's new manager next season, replacing Sam Allardyce. This astonishing news has rocked the West Ham faithful who fear the inspiration of Allardyce's 0-0 draws and losing in the last minut...
Read full storyISIS Claims to Have Dozens of Potty-Trained Terrorist In US
ISIS has announced that there are dozens of potty trained terrorists living secret lives within the United States, waiting for word from above to strike terror into the hearts of diaper company executives everywhere. The revelation comes on the h...
Read full storyRepublicans Roll Out Carly Fiorina Robot
Atlanta, GA - On Tuesday, the Republican Party rolled out it's new robot candidate, Carly Fiorina. The unveiling of their newest, multi-million dollar invention indeed seemed to fool a lot of TV viewers into thinking it was human, but the folks over...
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