There were 292 spoof news stories published in February 2015. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Eddie Murphy's disease causes strange SNL appearance
Rumors have recently been circulating as to the odd appearance by Eddie Murphy at the Saturday Night Live 40 year anniversary show. An employee at NBC has leaked information that may shed some light on the situation. It seems that Murphy suffers f...
Read full storyNorth West Blabs about NYC Fashion Week
Once upon a time there was a little girl taken to Fashion Week in NYC. Her name was North West. She didn't find it fun at all. In fact, she cried to show her displeasure. It wasn't a tantrum, she had reasons for crying. And now we know those re...
Read full storyKanye West Forces Walmart Employee of The Month to Give Award To Beyonce
Kanye West has accused Walmart of "disrespecting shelf stacking" by handing Dave Goddard of Fort Lauderdale an employee of the month award instead of Beyonce, after interrupting the awards ceremony, held in the break room of the superstore located so...
Read full storyJihadi John Says Dress is White and Gold
"Jihadi John" or Mohammed Emwazi, a west London man believed to be an ISIS militant - and chief executioner - has waded mask first into the "is this dress gold and white or is it blue and black?" melee by declaring that the dress is 'definitely'white...
Read full storyWhole Family Dreading Family Time
What seemed like a good idea at the time, a South Florida man is now dreading the family time he insisted upon, an event he hoped would unite his warring daughters, son and wife. Duncan Whitehead - overweight, suffering from gout and bad teeth; ca...
Read full storyDizney World: it's not for everyone, not anymore
ORLANDO'S BLOOM -- For millions of Americans, times are hard, but, apparently, Mickey Mouse could care less. He has ordered Dizney World admission ticket prices to skyrocket to a whopping $1,500--not per family, mind you, but per "guest," inc...
Read full storyAlbuquerque Area Magician Nearly Lynched After Having Pet Dwarf Monkeys Take Turns Leaping Into Crowd From Atop His Dick
Albuquerque, New Mexico - In what Sheriff Deputies called "a scene reminiscent of frontier vigilante justice," an Albuquerque area magician was treed by a drunken mob that took exception to his act. Performing at an airport Ramada Inn, the magicia...
Read full storyBrian Williams Fondly Recalls Winning Olympic Gold Medal, Winning Oscar & Landing On The Moon
"NBC Nightly News" anchor Brian Williams could face new questions this week over differing versions of a story he repeatedly told about winning an Olympic Gold Medal in 1976. The Washington Post reported late Sunday that Williams has given differi...
Read full storyHealth officials warn "Toblerone in a fridge" is a lethal weapon
Top health officials have issued a warning to people not to put Toblerones in a fridge. They state that when the triangular chocolate bar becomes cold and hard it can become a "lethal weapon capable of damaging members of the public and even buildin...
Read full storyKanye West Planning To Storm Oscar Stage If Beyonce Doesn't Win Best Actress Award
Rapper, trophy husband and all round 'cock' Kanye West, who reprized his infamous stunt at Sunday night's Grammy awards, by unexpectedly taking the Staples Center stage as Beck was accepting the Album of the Year award has told friends (hangers on)...
Read full storyAllison Williams: "My Dad Did Not Lie - Have More Respect For The Man Who Invented Dinosaurs"
Allison Williams has spoken out in defense of her NBC Nightly News anchor dad Brian Williams who has been suspended from work without pay for being a liar. During a Q&A with Seth Meyers at New York's 92Y, the Peter Pan actress spoke out about...
Read full storyDalai Lama Sues Canon Welby: "Middle Way" not Anglican Property
The Dalai Lama may be a man of few possessions™, but he's hoping to get the better of Anglican Archbishop Justin Welby in a very material manner; while also sticking up for the faithful (at least, the right kind of faithful, anyway). Attendi...
Read full storyFirst Lady says she has had 'too many bushes'
WASHINGTON, DC - First Lady Michele Obama responded via Twitter to Former First Lady Barbara Bush's recent Skype address, stating that "she hasn't had 'too many Bushes'", by saying she has had way too many bushes. Besides having to endure preside...
Read full storyJesus Wants Cage Fighting Of MMA
Violence and religion have been one of the primary forces in human history. Now there is a fusion of the two with a new craze for 700 cage-fighting church ministeries across the U.S. "God loves cage fighting," says pastor John Richards of Colu...
Read full storyTrailer trash Clintons book summer vacation in $300 Hamptons trailer
Long Island - Trailer trash king and queen Bill and Hill Clinton will be slumming it in Amagansett this August in a 700 sq ft trailer near Indian Wells Beach. Realtor website YourHolidayTeardown.con describes the $300 shack as looking like it's st...
Read full storyBrian Williams: "I've decided to become a fiction writer"
NBC anchor Brian Williams, with all his credibility as a high-profile journalist apparently shot to hell, has decided that with his very creative imagination, that his next career stop is to become a fiction writer, according to an NBC assistant-to-t...
Read full storyDespite contrary reports, Namor is NOT Aquaman
HOLLYWEIRD, CA -- Director Zach Snider is "sad" to report that little-known actor Jason Namor believes that he is the DC Comics character Aquaman and that, as such, he is "king of the seven seas." Previously, Namor has imagined himself to have mar...
Read full storyItalian Shopkeeper Sick of American Who Can't Speak Her Language
Vicenza, Italy - A small, grocery store owner in the Northeastern, Italian town of Vicenza is growing increasingly impatient with an American customer who speaks "bad Italian." Rosa Maria Membroni doesn't see why the American can't learn Italian.
Read full storySorry, North Dakota, We Need You to Take All the "Anti-Vaxxers"
The Obama Administration today announced a plan for dealing with the Anti-vaxxer problem. At a news conference, DHHS Secretary Sylvia Mathews Burwell stated, "There are millions of children in our midst who are partially or completely unvaccinated ag...
Read full storyFlorida beach "the best," Beachcombers agree
It's not the location. Or the beautiful white sands. Or the ice-blue water. Or the spectacular, pristine scenery. It's not even the hospitable locals. Siesta Beach near Sarasota, Florida, has been named The Best Beach in America by Beachcombers, a...
Read full storyStatue of Liberty demolished in US immigration battle
New York Harbor - - Demolition crews completed the final stages of dismantling the Statue of Liberty today. The salvage teams were following orders issued by the Republican Congress, which voted that the 129-year old symbol of freedom was on the wron...
Read full storyHaving A Truly Gigantic Cock Correlates Strongly With Low Life Time Earnings, Study Finds
It turns out that having a massive penis is not the umitigated blessing most men aged 8 through 80 think it to be. Though it may boost mightily one's self-esteem, a recent research study says it can be quite hard on the pocketbook. In a paper tit...
Read full storyPope sells Lent to the Scamatologists for $69 billion
The Vatican -- The Roman Catholic Church has given up Lent. In an unprecedented financial maneuver, Pope Francis has turned over the 40 day, 40 night period of atonement to the Church of Scamatology. The sale price was $69 billion. That buys the...
Read full storyGive up Fox News for Lent? No, never! Not this Troglodyte!
My priest, Monsignor Felix Fyodore Ayonsokopsosky, told me I should give up Fox News for Lent. "You have been acting very strange lately, my son. You need to quit watching Fox News. You look terrible. You smell worse than terrible. You've become paranoid schizophrenic. It's made you a cave dweller," Monsignor Ayonsokopsosky told me after confession. "But Father Ayonsokopsosky, Fox News has b...
Read full storyISIS to Sue Boris Johnson over "Wankers" Jibe
Boris Johnson has peered into the secret findings of MI5's best brains and concluded that ISIS members are porn-watching, sexually frustrated, psychologically maladjusted males. In a recent interview in the Sun according to the London mayor, they are...
Read full storyRussell Brand's Democratic Lottery
Russell Brand is sick of the lottery being run purely by poncey squares, greedy plums and corrupt geezers, who cruelly and arbitrarily force people against their will to choose random numbers... In the vain hope that just on this one single, solit...
Read full storyNew Christian Sect Giving Out Chocolate Coated Cookies For Communion Goes Viral
A new religious group using chocolate coated cookies and Cola for communion purposes has outstripped all popular religions in church attendance figures according to "Which Church" magazine. Normally a kind of nasty old bread called Hosta is used. Thi...
Read full storyHillbilly Clinton "misremembers" previous lies
In the wake of Bri Willyums' lies about his "adventures and misadventures in and out of combat," renewed interest has arisen with regard to former First Lady-Senator-presidential candidate-Secretary of State Hillbilly Clinton's claim that she landed...
Read full storyLawyers sue Brian Williams for 'lying without a license'
New York -- Suspended NBC news anchor Brian Williams is in trouble with the American Bar Association. The lawyers group has filed suit in Federal District Court here, charging that Williams is "cutting into our territory by lying, fibbing, and genera...
Read full storyRoyal Family Mad at Prince Henry for Giving Marijuana to Prince Charles
Windsor Castle The Royal Family are having a battle royal since discovering Prince Henry gave Prince Charles some marijuana. "If you thought he was boring before, you should here him now. If he gets started on the philosophy of gardening, he can g...
Read full story"The Odd Couple" gets odder
As fresh out of new ideas as ever, CBS TV will air a "reprise" of the once-original sitcom The Odd Couple, in which an unmarried homosexual couple living in sin get on each other's nerves because one of them, Felatrice Hunger, is a neatnik while the...
Read full storyTwo girls argue over an accident, interrupts taping of cooking show
OMG, THEYKILLEDKEN, NY (Youbas Tard) -- A taping of the high-rating cooking show "Fraiche Kitchen Economics Down Under Edition" was interrupted by two girls arguing over an accidental pouring of soap on the plate of food of one of the girls. Dinah...
Read full storyThe Best Dream He Ever Had
On reflection, he was more than happy that he had lived to experience such an event, however unreal it may have appeared at the time. He could see it all clearly now. Gazing up at the stars that seemed suddenly close and friendly he could not help but replay the scene over and over in his mind. To a stunned and packed Senate gathering President Barack Obama got slowly to his feet to announce th...
Read full storyScientist Fires Missile and Accidentally Destroys Pluto
Huntsville, AL An astronomer/scientist at the Space Science Lab, who has so far managed to remain anonymous, has admitted to accidentally destroying Pluto with a nuclear missile. "I meant to hit the zoom so I could get a closer look at this three-...
Read full storyA.C. Grayling's Ungodly War On Children's Toys
Most people would surely think there's nothing wrong with kids playing with fuzzy puppies, rabbits, giraffes, and all kinds of animals, and that it's all very innocent. But not everyone from the "notable public figure community" agrees. Yes: renowned postmodernist cultural critic/secular humanist deconstructionist/ atheist fundamentalist A. C. Grayling is concerned that not all cuddly toys...
Read full storyGod Speaks to Earth from Heaven
Last night, the whole of Europe was brought to a standstill when, exactly at midnight, a white-haired, bearded figure appeared on every television set on the continent. Crowds poured out of pubs and restaurants, many of them hysterical; public transport came to a halt as millions gathered in city squares and churches. The Pope appealed for calm; but nobody was listening to him. The followi...
Read full storyAlabama Crimson Tide become NFL's newest expansion team
The Alabama Crimson Tide have become the NFL's newest expansion team, creating quite a stir in a dysfunctional organization that now seems to be imploding in sundry controversies. NFL spokesman Roger Allovem said it was a tough decision, bringing...
Read full storyPresident Obama To Smite Terrorists And Bill O'Really With Golf Clubs
In response to mounting criticism both at home and abroad President Obama told White House staffers this morning that he fully intends to do a full Samuel L Jackson on terrorism 'in any shape or form, any place in the world' - including Faux News's B...
Read full storyMichelle Obama goes commando in latest anti-dandruff therapy craze
Washington AC/DC - It's every woman's nightmare when aerating the family jewels in a Sharon Stone-esque outfit and not much more besides. This morning it was the turn of First Lady to discover the amazing reflective properties of her glossy leath...
Read full storyBri Willyums: "I'll be bok!"
Bri Willyums, late of NBC, Proud as a Peacock, is known to play fast and loose, from time to time (and maybe all the time) with the truth, so his statements, especially about himself, have to be taken with a grain (or a ton) of salt. Having remind...
Read full story130 Year Old Mongolian Mummified Mummy Not Dead, Just Having a Long Rest
Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) immortal reporter, Wan-Kin-Dik, has just sent this amazing story from a monastery in Mongolia. It seems that after discovering a mummified body of a Buddhist monk, living monks are claiming he is not d...
Read full storyObama Tackles Fluoridation
President Barack Obama is considering acting against the fluoridation of drinking water in the US. Almost seventy percent of the nation's household water supply is currently fluoridated despite the mounting evidence that it is actually injurious to h...
Read full storyThe Big Woop's Nefarious Plot to Undermine Capitalism
The national magazine sold exclusively by the homeless, Big Woop, has faced many damning criticisms in its time. Allegations abound of aggressive selling techniques which are harming the Universal Beltway Interest of Our Common Humanity and/or that of the Golden Pigsty (or, if you prefer, of the Houses of Perishing in Warminster). And you have you forgotten already about the millions of peo...
Read full storyPope offers new guidelines for flock's bedroom behavior
Once again, Pope Francis is trying to manage the intimate details of the lives of his flock. Previously, in a mixed metaphor, the pontiff raised eyebrows by suggesting that the faithful, who are made in God's image, are "not rabbits" and should no...
Read full storyThin Women File Discrimination Charges Against Walmart - Say They favor Fatsos!
US attorney Moishe Pipick announced today in Washington;"These aggrieved thin women have shown initial evidence supporting their claims that Walmart discriminates against them and all thin men and women in favor of hiring "fatsos!" What proof have...
Read full storyAndy Borowitz Appointed first Professor of Faux News at Harvard
Cambridge-Andy Borowitz, senior faux-news correspondent at the New Yorker, has been appointed Harvard University's first Professor Nuntium Non Genuina Spoofitus(Professor of Double-Take Journalism). Borowitz will begin his duties in October, init...
Read full storyVice-President Bidet explains away "butt buddy" gaffe
Speaking to a crowd in Iowa, U. S. Vice-president-in-Charge-of-Vice Joe Bidet outed himself as a "recovering homosexual" today. Before an audience of ten or fifteen supporters, Bidet gave a shout out to an old friend, calling, "Neal Smith, old but...
Read full storyChris Christie Forces Plane to Land Because No Toilet Paper on Board!
Mona Bona, political correspondent for Sade Media, gives her take on Chris Christie's actions which forced a plane to land due to no toiler paper. Well - the man who gives new meaning to "The Bully Pulpit" has done it again! He's moved on from 'Bridgegate' to 'Toiletpapergate!' His private jet (courtesy of The koch Bros.) was en route to Iowa where Christie is now known as 'The Hog lovin Man...
Read full storyQueen caught sneaking out of the Palace and pretending to be a homeless person again
Members of the royal family and local security picked up the Queen yesterday after she went missing from Buckingham Palace. Palace guards reported her gone at lunch time shortly after Sunday mass. Prince Charles and Camilla then drove round the...
Read full storyMiraculously, Televangelist Joyce Meyer Gives Birth at Age 71
Fenton, MO--In what many of her followers are calling a miracle, televangelist Joyce Meyer on Tuesday gave birth at the age of 71. The wildly successful televangelist from Missouri reportedly gave birth to a two thousand pound cash cow at St. Clare...
Read full storyOffensive UKIP/Labour Joint Disability Statement: No-One Responsible
Talks have been held between a (still somewhat) cocky UKIP and a (more and more by the hour) desperate Labour Party, with a view to constructing a possible future coalition. Hopes were originally high, with optimistic and even downright ecstatica...
Read full storyMonsanto: 'Chips' With That... Anyone?
MONSANTO- responsible for Agent Orange, a deadly range of organ-damaging pesticides and genetically modified crops resulting in thousands of people crippled or killed by their products and the suicides of thousands of farmers worldwide (most in the p...
Read full storySportz Illustrious covergirl out to prove she has beauty as well as brawn
Bantamweight champ Rhonda Rowdy, who is scheduled to face Cat Scratch Zinger in UFC's pay-per-perv headliner Feb. 28 cat fight, has won another title, prior to her upcoming bout: Sportz Illustrious has named the hellcat the cover girl for its annual...
Read full storyLittlejohn and Toynbee not so Different in the End
This is an excerpt from the debate I hosted between Richard Littlejohn and Polly Toynbee on a well known, highly-respected and thoroughly unbiased media outlet. Have a look; just in case you, by any strange chance, managed to miss it. Littlejohn: No, I'm serious Polly, really Polly, this has gone too far. It was one thing when public money was being diverted into groups for gay Peruvian mountai...
Read full storyTown decides to ban other kinds of software on computer shops after banning Dota
IGNORAN, CE (Acme World News) -- Few weeks ago, it has been reported that the town of Protacio, CE bans Dota in all computer shops in that area due to increasing crime rate. Recently, this same town now bans other kinds of software, which is in fa...
Read full storyHot Yoga Blamed for Global Warming
A new study by the Weston A. Price Foundation (WAPF), a nonprofit "nutrition" organization with close ties to the meat industry, blames "hot yoga" for global warming. The WAPF report has created a lot of additional heat for Bikram Yoga founder Bi...
Read full storyObama and Kanye 'one hell of a father-son double act' says NYC DNA test
New York - Barack Obama has been outed as Kanye West's birth father in a DNA test published today. Findings from New York's Seedy Sign Eye Mammorial Hospital's paternity division reveal Kanye's actual father is the President. And the rapper's...
Read full storyWeasel News Bigots Backtrack on Offensive "Reddit SJW" Accusations
Shona Grammy and Super Bill Frieli from Weasel News broke down in tears yesterday when they realized that the people they had been dismissing for years as "Whiney, crybaby Reddit SJWs" were actually people just like them. Shona Grammy sobbed, "All this time, I thought these people were, you know, like Obamabots or something, who had been planted as fake personas to bring socialism, pro-womanism...
Read full storyVatican Council to Decide if God Has a Penis and Testacles
The Vatican well known for it's lofty metaphysical discussions about the meaning of life like whether children will go to hell for masturbating and if women's orgasm are sinful and important philosophical quandaries like that - has now turned to deep...
Read full storyTop 10 Ways to Coax Alex Rodriguez off the Yankees
The Bronx - - The New York Yankees appear to have had enough of Alex Rodriguez. They don't like the way he "talks the talk." They don't care for the way he "walks the walk." But what really upsets them is how his contract will "yank the bank" if...
Read full storyUnprecedented Vatican Scandal: German Infidel Canonised
A scandalous leaked document from the Vatican highlights an utterly disgraceful and absolutely unbelievable lapse of judgment on the part of top Church authorities, which will almost certainly make the Church's reputation plummet to unprecedented dep...
Read full storyUnluckiest Man In The World Wins Lottery
There was a real 'feelgood' factor in Manchester today as 'Unlucky' Alf Tragic finally tasted a bit of good fortune. He's been electrocuted whilst brushing his teeth, due to a faulty wire in his fancy electric toothbrush, fallen down an unguarded...
Read full storyHooters to put a giggle in servers' wiggle
Under pressure from hairy-legged feminists, Hooters, a restaurant whose servers--young, nubile women in short shorts and abbreviated shirts emblazoned with the faces of owls whose eyes are "strategically positioned" to frame the wearers' breasts--is...
Read full storyCameron tells jobless "Wear blindfolds in supermarkets or lose benefits."
The Prime Minister has announced plans to introduce the wearing of blindfolds in supermarkets for all benefit claimants which will be introduced of the Tories win the next General Election in May. The new requirement will apply to anyone claiming...
Read full storyDemocrats To Boycott Benjamin Netanyahu Address To Congress
When Speaker of the House John Boehner invited Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to address a joint session of Congress without White House permission, the tsunami backlash began. It is protocol that before someone is invited to address a joi...
Read full storyEar of the Tiger
First, there was the photo showing Tiger Woods missing front tooth. Now, a more recent photo shows that Tiger is also missing his left ear. When asked about it by a reporter, Tiger nonchalantly shrugged it off saying, "It's due to a shaving acc...
Read full storyObama: "I am a gay Muslim"
In what must have been the gaffe of the century President Barack Obama slipped up at a press conference today and admitted to being a homosexual, foreign born, communist/Marxist, Muslim, socialist agitator who hates America and prays to Allah for the...
Read full storyKansas Fried Chicken Staff Deny Launching Doner Kebab Killing Drones
What was claimed to be a U.S. made search and destroy drone was shot down by a SAM this morning. No casualties were reported. The drone "hit" was claimed by by Mustapha Badpun of the Doner Kebab staff. A spokesman for the Turkish kebab house told...
Read full storyWarren Buffet advises schoolchildren to "eat junk"
OUT THERE -- Famed financier Warren Buffet says his secret source of energy is in his name: buffet. "Eat like it's your last meal," he advises six-year-old schoolchildren, "and you're at an all-you-can-eat buffet!" That's where the octogenarian-pl...
Read full storyMajor US retailers endanger customers with fraudulent, dangerous products
Putting profit over integrity, four major U. S. retailers have potentially endangered the health of millions of their customers, New Yawk's state attorney general whines. The retailers, identified as Wally World, Wally Green's, Bull's-Eye, and G &...
Read full storyLong lost paternity papers reveal Dallas actress Victoria Principal's meteoric rise to stardom
Los Angeles - Decades of suspected hush-hush Hollywood string-pulling have been exposed in a new book exploring Victoria Principal's awesome acting talents. Including studio machinations that secured her the plum role of Pammy. Biographer Arlen...
Read full storyThis Country's Gone to the Dogs Innit?
We have lost our bloody way as a nation we have. Our country has become infiltrated by joyless snobbish lefties, filthy immigrants, rampant homosexuals who are up for anything and miserable and fat feminists. What happened to the good old days innit? The good old days of Only Fools and Horses, Rolf Harris, Rod Stewart, The National Front, It It Ain't Half Hot Mum, New Faces, Jim'll Fix It, Dav...
Read full storyLocal Man Had Great Story Idea Then Forgot What It Was
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock informed us this morning that he had a great idea for a story last night, then promptly forgot what it was and spent the remainder of yesterday evening repeatedly punching himself in the face until bed time. "I was wa...
Read full storyDrinking Water may trigger Depression
Scientists are asking if water, though the purest liquid one can imbibe, may possibly cause brain chemical imbalance, leading to Depression. 'It may even be, that, getting drunk on alcohol is actually better, for maintaining optimism and not actu...
Read full storyList of Dating Deal Breakers
We at SpoofFeed were genuinely interested in what your dating turn-offs are and the deal-breakers that make you wanna run for the door and bail out on your date and rob them of any confidence that they had, publicly humiliate them and leave them as a mangled shell of their former self. We went out to the streets of L.A and asked some young people we found and this is what they had to say.
Read full storyGovernment Investagates Superbowl Fix
Federal Investigators are looking into allegations that this years Superbowl was a fixed game. Insiders at the FBI have revealed that information attained through long time informers and NFL insiders has led them to question the decision by the Seatt...
Read full storyRand Paul, Chris Christie, Huckabee On Measles
The GOP candidates for president in 2016 so far have taken a "pro-choice" position on vaccinations. Carly Florina former, CEO of Hewellt-Packard said, "Gosh, when I was a kid, I got measles chicken pox and mumps. And I'm still here. What's the big...
Read full storyPunxsutawney Phil Predicts Six More Weeks of Climate Change
PUNXSUTAWNEY, PA - The world famous groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil, made his annual appearance today, kind of saw his shadow, and proclaimed to America that there will be six more weeks of climate change. We spoke to Phil about his celebrity status and the pressure of accurately predicting the weather to hundreds of millions each year: Good morning, Phil. How's it going? "Oh hey, welcome to my...
Read full storyColorado May Legalize Cocaine - Meth and Ecstatsy says Governor
Governor John Hickeypooper said in a press conference today: "The state constitution limits how much tax money the state can take in before it has to give some back. That means Coloradans may each get their own cut of the $50 million in recreational pot taxes collected in the first year of legal weed. It's a situation so bizarre that it's gotten Republicans and Democrats, for once, to agree on a t...
Read full storyThe Foundering Fathers, on Original Intent
"The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex." 19th Amendment to the Constitution, ratified, 1920 We hold these truths to be self evident-- That all men are created equally Except for political expediency Where slaves are three-fifths property. These truths we're told are quite self evident: Th...
Read full storyHugh Hefner Liquefies
America woke up this morning to the news that their global sex guru Hugh Hefner had passed away. It is not so much the fact of his passing, for he was approaching his 89th birthday on April... but the manner. Our reporter for "U2R-FKD" followed the story. His housemaid for this month Eileen Dover who wishes to be known simply as "Miss February" broke the news. "Well, I went up to his bedroom as...
Read full storyThis Valentine's Day, Dems Want You to Give the Gift of Obamacare Instead
WASHINGTON D.C.- Forget candy and flowers, they've been done to death for Valentine's Day. This year, show your love by forcing your special someone to sign up for something they probably don't want - Obamacare! Who wouldn't want to be surprised with...
Read full storyGeneral Election Red Herring: Piers Morgan Wins Alex Salmond Nationalism Award
Piers Morgan is not only one of the UK's most lovable and highly respected journalists; he has now been given an award from Alex Salmond for his sterling contributions to the Scottish Nationalist cause. Salmond groans: "Personally, when I say...
Read full storyTDLC Announces "Dancing With Disabilities"
The Disabled Learning Channel is launching yet another wonderful learning inspired program. In the pilot, dancers with fake feet who could tap dance and a hunchback who weighed over 300 pounds did one hell of a Polka with a blind midget. Myron...
Read full storyHomeless Man Accepts He Has No Role At All To Play In Emerging Social Order
New York - Homeless Man Bill Watson stumbled into what he thought was a soup kitchen but was really a basement meeting of socialist professors and students from nearby Columbia University and learned that he is not only "useless," but is actually an...
Read full storyAll Priests Should Be Castrated After Taking Vows says Children's Council
Dr. Meyer Pipick, head of The World Council to Prevent Child Rape, said today from Berne, Switzerland has announced that castration is the only way to stop priests from sexually violating children. He said: 'It is now obvious that nothing can sto...
Read full storyIsle Of Wight News - "The Needles" Major Tourist Attraction Stolen By Souvenir Hunters
A plea has gone out from the Isle Of Wight Tourist Office, warning people not to take unofficial souvenirs home following the loss of a major tourist attraction. The remains of "The Needles" were smuggled out in a white van sometime yesterday accordi...
Read full storyBoston: Giant Snowman Arrested For Peeping In Windows
BILLINGSGATE POST: With snow reaching heights of 6 or more feet in the Boston area, reports of a creepy man dressed as a snowman are being investigated by Boston Police. One lady, who did not want to be identified, reported that she was steppi...
Read full storyDuke Of Edinburgh Latest Faux Pas - "Greek Economy Is All Greek To Me"
Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh speaking at the opening of a new Greek themed hypermarket, caused much amusement yesterday, when he pulled out what appeared to be a crumpled script from his pocket and read out the following list, apparently not real...
Read full storyPolice seek clues in Cosby sitcoms
Now that Bill Cosby has been accused of sexually assaulting myriads of women, authorities are reviewing the episodes of his TV sitcoms, named after himself, to see whether any episodes contain clues concerning the alleged assaults. Cosby starred i...
Read full storyPentagon admits, "ISIS is on a roll"
The Pentagon reacted with surprise to intelligence that ISIS has encroached upon U. S. military forces training Iraqi troops. "We're concerned," Rear Admiral Howe Cudditbee confessed. "We're also perplexed. How could 40,000 terrorists who have bee...
Read full storySwedes "fowl names" are for the birds, NAACP says
OVER THERE -- Sweden, a member in good standing of The League of White Supremacist Nations, has ordered its ornithologists (birdbrained experts) to rename fowl that have been given "foul names" by Swedish birdwatchers over the years. "The names ar...
Read full storyObummer definitely NOT seeing "Red"
Mars One wants to send two dozen people to Mars, and Peter Felgentreff, 50, may well be one of them. For as long as he can remember, he's been "curious" about science, he gushes. His curiosity about what it would be like to live on Mars motivat...
Read full story'Fifty Shades of Grime' makes record sales
A new light fiction novel is going like hot - cakes World - wide, with record Translation Sales in Switzerland. The novel presents sexy , middle - aged people's bedroom romps and their household cleaning habits. The Protagonist, Felicity , is a...
Read full storyRussian submarine spotted off the Duchess of Cornwall
International Waters, The Lizard - A rogue submatine thought to be under the command of Captain Marko Ramius has been sighted off Camilla's private quarters a royal protection racket source said today. The Red Oktober, a Yeltsin-class submersible...
Read full storyBoys, Boys, Boys! It's what a priest dreams of.
Under-aged CIA reporter Johnny Pedo-Hunter, who has been sniffing around the Vatican looking for some dirty news, has just reported back to HQ what everybody knew anyway - kiddies porno has been found sitting on laps and tops and PCs in the holy cath...
Read full storyPrezident Obummer calls for investigation of airline fatality
On a crowded airplane flight aboard Alaska Airlines, a female passenger (not Sarah Palin) and a scorpion struggled over a seat, resulting in the scorpion's biting the woman's hand. Flight 567 was approaching the runway when the incident occurred.
Read full storyTen Tips for a Healthy and Happy Life
Magazine UR-FKD's Health & Fitness Section has listed the following tips for a healthy mind in a healthy body. Several food chains and media outlets are threatening to sue the editor. 1. Understand the world is run by crooked, greedy people who think they are 'superior' to you and because the are 'superior' to you they actually own the world and everything in it... including you. You and yo...
Read full story"Earth is No Longer A Planet!" Announce Scientists
Science Town, USA In a surprising announcement, Bulgarian scientists have shown that based on their latest calculations, Earth no longer qualified as a full planet and would have to be downgraded to a dwarf planet. Response from around Earth was...
Read full storyObama Takes Control of Education
Following the revolutionary "No Child Will Escape" Act of 2001 fronted by George W. Bush and signed into law on Jan, 8, 2002, Barack Obama has launched his own follow-up "No Child Can Ever Escape" education bill which will be passed shortly with no f...
Read full storyPope professes his fondness for Kanye West, declares all other music "obsolete"
Vatican City- In what is sure to be earth shattering news, earlier today Pope Francis declared his love of Kanye West, calling him "the greatest musical mind of the last 100 years". His holiness commented: "If our Lord and Savior were here with u...
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