Russell Brand's Democratic Lottery

Written by TM_Dealer

Monday, 9 February 2015

Russell Brand is sick of the lottery being run purely by poncey squares, greedy plums and corrupt geezers, who cruelly and arbitrarily force people against their will to choose random numbers...

In the vain hope that just on this one single, solitary, miraculous occasion, their number will come up.

"They're all basically the same, mate!" Russell laments:

"1, 21, 43, 45, they all may look the same on the outside, but they all amount to the same thing. There's nothing to distinguish it, the outcome is always the same. I think we need to get our heads together and act, we can maybe find some more democratic way of spreading the wealth."

Like what?

"Well, like a tombola, everybody just stick their hands in and take out whatever they want."

But what if some people get greedy?

"Listen, man, you're actually worse than Paxmaaaaaaaan, you just don't get it. Listen mate, if the system were ACTUALLY just that LITTLE BIT more democratic, there wouldn't be any more greed."

Well... I'll take your word for it, Russell.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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