ORLANDO'S BLOOM -- For millions of Americans, times are hard, but, apparently, Mickey Mouse could care less. He has ordered Dizney World admission ticket prices to skyrocket to a whopping $1,500--not per family, mind you, but per "guest," including those who are under the age of two. And that's for a one-day pass to the park.
"I'm worth it," Mouse squeaked.
"You mean we're worth it, don't you?" his paramour, Minnie, screeched.
"If people don't like it, they can waste their day at Busch Gardens," Goofy, a longtime Dizney canine associate, growled.
"Kwhere ywoky que quet quim eekwha quack quall," quacked Donald Duck, another Dizney employee, obviously intoxicated. (Translation: "They're lucky we let them in at all.")
Dizney World is "priceless," Mouse squealed.
"It's the happiest place on Earth," Pinocchio lied, adding the falsehood, "What's good for our bottom line is good for our guests."
What's actually causing admission to soar, insiders say, is Mouse's condescending snobbery. He thinks he's too good to associate with ordinary people. By making the entrance fees exorbitant, he hopes to make ticket prices "prohibitive" to lower- and middle-class Americans and to illegal immigrants, unless they're employees, of course."
It's all about keeping out the riffraff, as Mouse identifies them, which means anyone who earns less than $100 million per year.
Other amusement parks are amused by Dizney's "self-destructive price-gouging," market analysts claim.
SeaWorld ($70 a day), Universal Orlando ($96 a day), and Humpty Dumpty World ($1 a day) hope to benefit from Dizney's "greedy delusions of grandeur about its true place in the entertainment cosmos."
