The Bronx - - The New York Yankees appear to have had enough of Alex Rodriguez. They don't like the way he "talks the talk."
They don't care for the way he "walks the walk." But what really upsets them is how his contract will "yank the bank" if A-Rod plays for the Yankees this year.
Millions of dollars are up for grabs. That means the Yankees are going to have to do more than give A-Rod the cold shoulder if they want him gone. They need to work some active tactics to get him out of the game and into oblivion.
Here are the top 10:
10. Replace his steroid supply with Crispy M&Ms.
9. Introduce him to a time-consuming hobby, like crocheting.
8. Convince him that crocheting his Yankee uniform would get him into the Hall of Fame. (Don't tell him that you're referring to the Textile Workers Hall of Fame).
7. Get the Fonz to explain reverse mortgages to him.
6. Switch out his copy of the season schedule with an alternate side of the street parking calendar.
5. Pledge to name a candy bar after him. Make it mostly nuts, with a hollow center.
4. Explain there's no room for him in Monument Park. But a bodega on 162nd St. is willing to display his hypodermic needle in its cold cut case.
3. Create an Alex Rodriguez Commemorative Doll. Its head doesn't bobble. It spins.
2. Promise him a Major-League afterlife with 72 virgins and a 55 mph speed limit on fastballs.
1. Praise his penmanship, pointing out that it would get him a teaching job at any Catholic elementary school in the world.
