Scientists are asking if water, though the purest liquid one can imbibe, may possibly cause brain chemical imbalance, leading to Depression.
'It may even be, that, getting drunk on alcohol is actually better, for maintaining optimism and not actually bad for you, as we thought in January' says Professor Hypotenuse Grolsch, Oxford : 'water, on the other hand,is bland, only providing essential hydration, but singularly 'unhappening'....it provides no highs, serving merely to keep us from dying of thirst'.
Professor Grolsch was keen to point out that he is in no way related to a well - known Beer Manufacturer, though he does 'like a pint in the Atrium and perhaps a shot or two'.
The Professor's Research Team are also responsible for last weeks findings that chocolate may counteract wrinkles. They are currently investigating a correlation between Exercise and Sarcasm.