The Pentagon reacted with surprise to intelligence that ISIS has encroached upon U. S. military forces training Iraqi troops.
"We're concerned," Rear Admiral Howe Cudditbee confessed. "We're also perplexed. How could 40,000 terrorists who have been allowed to operate freely for the past six months, slaughtering thousands at will, while using discarded U. S. military assets, be drawing nigh to our guys?"
Prezident Obummer is also "confused," White House officials admit.
Obummer wondered aloud, unaware that a microphone was on: "They're strictly junior varsity. How could they be raping, pillaging, and burning across the Middle East with impunity and, now, be close to our own Marines Copse Men?"
The latest of the many A-rab towns to fall before the j. v. army is Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, oases outside the nearby Al-Asad air base at which U. S. forces are training Iraqis who were too lazy to benefit from previous training by U. S. forces.
"ISIS is only 30 miles away," the Pentagon has been warned, "and closing fast."
Already, a wave of attackers has been repelled by Iraqi soldiers standing by while enemy suicide bombers self-destructed so they could claim the 72 virgins and a mule promised to them in the afterlife.
Cudditbee emphasized that "no American Marines were anywhere near the fighting." However, he admitted, that could change in less than an hour. "Our tanks and other armored vehicles, which ISIS, having captured, is using against us, move fairly fast."
The admiral characterized the capture of Ali Baba as "small potatoes."
"Our guys are in no danger," the prezident agreed, "and they'd better not be, or heads will roll!"
