Sportz Illustrious covergirl out to prove she has beauty as well as brawn

Written by Gee Pee

Wednesday, 11 February 2015


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Female fighter proves black and blue is beautiful

Bantamweight champ Rhonda Rowdy, who is scheduled to face Cat Scratch Zinger in UFC's pay-per-perv headliner Feb. 28 cat fight, has won another title, prior to her upcoming bout: Sportz Illustrious has named the hellcat the cover girl for its annual skinny dipping issue.

"We couldn't find anyone worthier of the honor," publisher Paul Fetchingbumm whined, "so, more out of desperation than anything else, we selected Rowdy."

The fighter-cum-judo expert said she modeled herself after standards derived from what she found attractive about the type of women she was attracted to. "If I thought a guy--or a girl--would hit on her, I became her--or as much like her as I was able to manage," she explained, "so men would want to hit on me, too."

As it turned out, she quipped, "more often it's other women who hit on me, the way Cat's going to do on the eighteenth."

She was surprised to be selected as the magazine's "Pick of the Litter." "I look more like Plain Jane than Glam Girl," she said, "but I guess not everybody can be a freak of nature like Gisela Dildo, Lori Ludvig, or Casey Westham. Sportz Illustrious isn't Playboy, after all."

Rowdy put on a few pounds for the photo shoot. "I was slim and trim or, as I prefer to say, lean and mean, in preparation for my fight with Cat," Rowdy confessed, "but Mr. Fetchingbumm said he wanted someone with boobs, so I had some implants installed. I just hope the extra weight doesn't slow me down and give my opponent an advantage. Cat is a worthy opponent; it's hard enough to beat her ass when I'm at my fighting weight. Having hooters might be good for my image as a cover girl, but they could be a drawback in the ring."

Still, Rowdy says, "I'll probably keep them. Sometimes, I like looking all girly."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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