New York Harbor - - Demolition crews completed the final stages of dismantling the Statue of Liberty today. The salvage teams were following orders issued by the Republican Congress, which voted that the 129-year old symbol of freedom was on the wrong side of the immigration debate.
"That French farce was a socialist poke in America's eye," said Mitch McConnell (R-Kentucky). "Just read the plaque that's attached to the statue: 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me…'
"Those are exactly the kind of people we want to keep out," the senator continued. "We've got enough homeless, thank you, and enough troublemakers who claim they can't breathe."
Both the Senate and the House of Representatives voted along party lines, with Republicans taking full advantage of their majority status.
Democrats, meanwhile, questioned the legitimacy of the legislation, pointing out that it was never submitted to President Obama for his probable veto.
"We didn't want to disturb the president," commented House Speaker John Boehner (R - Ohio). "He's very busy issuing executive orders that subvert the rule of law in America. Come visit New York Harbor, Mr. President, and see what's missing."
With their bill breezing through Congress, the Republicans only problem was finding a new home for the Statue Of Liberty once it was removed from its pedestal. They first tried to return it to France which had given Lady Liberty to America in 1875.
French president François Hollande declined, citing high shipping costs and noting that all of his government's funding is tied up in the so-called war on terrorists. "Thank you, but France can't afford liberty anymore."
Germany was going to take the statue for installation near Berlin's Brandenburg Gate. But Chancellor Angela Merkel quashed the deal, citing safety restrictions on Liberty's torch. "We don't want her burning down the home of our legislature," she said. "You know the trouble we had last time that happened."
So Liberty was destroyed with its mangled copper pieces collected and sent to the US Mint for penny production.
"We can make millions of pennies out of her skin, because the US cent is mostly composed of a cheap zinc core with a thin copper coating," said a spokesman for the US Mint. "A brilliant shell camouflaging a mostly worthless base. Sounds like a description of the economy."
