Unluckiest Man In The World Wins Lottery

Funny story written by Mr Goster

Saturday, 21 February 2015

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There was a real 'feelgood' factor in Manchester today as 'Unlucky' Alf Tragic finally tasted a bit of good fortune.

He's been electrocuted whilst brushing his teeth, due to a faulty wire in his fancy electric toothbrush, fallen down an unguarded manhole whilst carrying an old ladies shopping bags, and had three punctures in his austin allegro vintage cadillac, in one afternoon!

'I only had one spare tyre,' explained Alf, 62, from Salford, this afternoon at the Salford Bugle Press Conference.
He continued, 'All these mishaps happened this week, they happen all the ruddy time. I'm an unfortunate sod, if something can go wrong, it bloody will, believe me.

So can you imagine how great I feel that for once in my life something has actually gone right! I've won the lottery. I'm not sure at the moment how much I've won because apparently there are a couple more winners and we are sharing the total amount between us. I just remember how I felt watching my numbers coming out...1..2..3..4..5..6.. and thinking that they were mine! I'm a winner. What are the chances? I'm so happy for once my luck has changed.'

Camelot organiser Victoria Secret explained how it works when there are multiple winners of the lottery.
'I'm very pleased that someone as unlucky as Alf has finally had a bit of luck. That's what the lottery can do,change people's lives.

Alf's numbers came up but unfortunately so did 53,000 more who also have those numbers.It won't change his life, but Alf Tragic is now £13 better off. Congratulations to all the winners.'

'Bloody'ell,' said Alf. 'I can't even win the lottery.'

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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