Cameron tells jobless "Wear blindfolds in supermarkets or lose benefits."

Funny story written by Stella Baker

Thursday, 19 February 2015

image for Cameron tells jobless "Wear blindfolds in supermarkets or lose benefits."
David Cameron

The Prime Minister has announced plans to introduce the wearing of blindfolds in supermarkets for all benefit claimants which will be introduced of the Tories win the next General Election in May.

The new requirement will apply to anyone claiming Jobseekers Allowance and Employment Support Allowance and will also be a requirement of claiming Universal Credit.

The new requirement will require benefit claimants to wear a blindfold at all times whilst shopping in supermarkets and also carry a white stick to 'avoid bumping into hardworking shoppers'.

The new requirements are part of the Government's plans to support benefit claimants in making 'better lifestyle choices' when doing their shopping.

"These plans are part of a series of measures which include plain packaging on cigarettes and helping the obese lose weight" a Government spokesman explained, "Supermarkets sell a range of products which contain alcohol, fats, and high calories and the Prime Minister feels that benefit claimants can too easily be tempted to buy such products."

The Prime Minister is believed to have asked the Minister for Work and Pensions Iain Duncan Smith and Esther McVey to draw up a list of requirements for the jobless.

Benefit claimants will be required to wear the blindfolds and carry the white sticks at all times whilst in the supermarkets. They will also be forbidden from looking at supermarkets, looking at advertising by supermarkets and watching commercials by supermarkets on television. They will also be forbidden from making online purchases from supermarkets.

However they will still be allowed to look at vehicles carrying supermarket logos. "This is important for the purposes of road safety," explained the Government spokesman, "and so that the policy doesn't seem so ridiculous."

Benefit claimants who are caught looking at supermarkets or not wearing their blindfolds will face sanctions lasting up to two years.

Several charities have expressed outrage at the plans as has UKIP leader Nigel Farage. "This is a ridiculous policy which will allow supermarkets to sell dodgy produce from the European Union to unsuspecting benefit claimants," Farage commented after being bought a pint in a London pub.

We contacted the Labour Party but unfortunately Ed Milliband was unavailable for comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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