In response to mounting criticism both at home and abroad President Obama told White House staffers this morning that he fully intends to do a full Samuel L Jackson on terrorism 'in any shape or form, any place in the world' - including Faux News's Bill O'Really.
Reportedly reacting to accusations that he appears to be more interested in golf than in national security, and repeated calls from the Faux anchor to commit American troops to yet another 'boots on the ground' mid-east ground war, the President was reported to be 'seething with rage.'
"I will personally go to the middle east and smite those Godless mothef**kers with a sand wedge," The President announced. "And as for that potato-headed ginger Irish-American pen twirling spin stops here asshole, I'll smash his skull in with a five iron. I don't give a crap about golf - swinging clubs is all about honing my combat skills in preparation for the coming Obamalypse. I don't need no damn help. I'll do this thing on my own."
The President's response came after Tea Party accusations that out of over 2,000 days in office the President has spent 11,698 days on the golf course and a further 7,627 days on vacation posing for selfies with the crowned heads of Europe and chatting up Sarah Palin because he apparently has a 'thing' about really stupid women.
"That's just bullshit," a White House spokesman said. "He wouldn't touch Sarah Palindrome with the shittiest of sticks."
We'll keep you informed on developments.
