Written by Auntie Matter

Wednesday, 11 February 2015

image for Obama Takes Control of Education
Education 'Reform'...Coming to a Place Near You.

Following the revolutionary "No Child Will Escape" Act of 2001 fronted by George W. Bush and signed into law on Jan, 8, 2002, Barack Obama has launched his own follow-up "No Child Can Ever Escape" education bill which will be passed shortly with no foreseeable opposition from anybody in Congress, apart from the floor cleaners.

What it means is that state councils have no longer any control or jurisdiction as to what is taught in their schools or who may teach there. All that will be taken over by Federal Government with a new building designed for the purpose, staffed and run by appointees of Obama's administration. College and universities can expect a massive shake-up reminiscent of the Senator McCarthy era of the fifties.

Henceforth, State schools will be thoroughly briefed as to their new curricula and the efficiency standards expected of them. Teachers will be hired and fired by the new Obama Education Administration Board. The liberal arts are to be whittled down to a class of voluntary subjects only, among which will be religions in general with no emphasis on any single one. Science will take centre stage.

Explained an education spokesman from the White House; "Well, our education committee, Mick and Jeff consulted with many professors and experts including our friends at the Carnegie Institute and the Tavistock Institute in England; and it seems to us that this is the way forward for America. Basically, Federal Goverment has a moral and legal duty to take control of what is taught to our children in this country... under these present circumstances... er... for the sake of democracy and the... er... protection of the country."

One Congressman however, a close friend of the actor Randy Quaid presently in hiding in Canada, and who insists on remaining nameless, said; "Well, I have seen the bill, the poisoned apple. It is about institutionalizing the mythic threat of universal attack from terrorists. Brainwashing in a word... on a daily basis.

"There is even a provision in it to set up vigilante groups among students to report on anybody saying nasty things about religion, the Pope especially, the present administration or anybody in a position of power within it. Brown Shirts in a word. It's about centralising power along the lines of the Third Reich so that local government is wiped out and the New World Order boys take total control of our minds and those of our children for their own purposes.

"Not content with out-sourcing local government offices and functions to friends, relatives and allied business consortiums so that public assets bought and paid for by millions of American tax payers over many years become, overnight, the private property of corporate gangsters from Boston to Tokyo Emperor Obama and his cronies are going to make damn sure nobody is left with brains enough to criticize his oligarchic control of the country. Anybody who does... may soon be locked up as a "terrorist", or a "terrorist sympathizer", or a "political activist", or "hate campaigner" or whatever other catchphrase they can plant into our heads. It is reminiscent of Mao's Cultural Revolution of the sixties with kids being turned into flag-waving Red Guards.

"What's next? Stud Farms? Chipping at birth? The removal of cash from our midst so that we are entirely at the mercy of our credit cards and the banks that control them? Is no married couple going to be allowed for chissakes to have more than one kid unless they pay the government a hefty fee like they do in China?

"Are we to fill in a form a yard thick if we want to make a critical comment on Facebook or Twitter? Will we be breaking the law if we talk out loud on trains and buses? Will we be facing jail if we get angry in a restaurant because we have been served the wrong meal?

"The real funny bit is that Obama and his gang got into office on the pledge that there would be "less government" to piss us about, not more. Was that the joke of the century or something? Where the fuck does it end? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? WHERE did they come from? WHAT are the doing in our lives? What are they doing TO our lives? And whattafuck has democracy, as we all understand it, got to do with ANY of them?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
63 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more