Written by queen mudder

Thursday, 19 February 2015

image for Long lost paternity papers reveal Dallas actress Victoria Principal's meteoric rise to stardom
Oh no! Ronald Reagan's looks and Marilyn's IQ

Los Angeles - Decades of suspected hush-hush Hollywood string-pulling have been exposed in a new book exploring Victoria Principal's awesome acting talents.

Including studio machinations that secured her the plum role of Pammy.

Biographer Arlene Ass-Boner's two year trawl of a mothballed Wanna Bruvvers cuttings dumpster has been published in The Gipper, His Big Dipper & Hollywood's Shooting Stars. **

The memoir reveals how crappy ham actor Ronald Reagan 'groomed' a young Norma Jean Mortensen at Palm Springs Racket Club during his presidency of the US Scream Actors Guild.

Nine months later out pops a healthy, brown-eyed eight pound baby girl from Marilyn's fecund loins - and the rest is Tinsel Town hystery.

"To be fair to the old bastard Reagan actually explored acknowledging paternity," Ass-Boner concedes, "even toying with going pubic about the screaming brat in the face of Mortensen lawyers' alimony negotiations."

Then along came a 'totally freaked out' B-movie actress Nancy Davis, subsequently Reagan's next wife, paranoid about having been placed on a Hollywood Communist blacklist.

"No way was she going to play Step Mom to Ron's latest little bastard," Ass-Boner explains, "can's say I hlame her but whaddahell?"

** Price $25, RadonHouse Press

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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