Obama Tackles Fluoridation

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Tuesday, 24 February 2015

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Whose Teeth is it Anyway?

President Barack Obama is considering acting against the fluoridation of drinking water in the US. Almost seventy percent of the nation's household water supply is currently fluoridated despite the mounting evidence that it is actually injurious to health. It has been linked to tooth decay, bone disease, arthritis and numerous other ailments including sterility in women, thyroid disorders and damage to brain functioning in children.

Rumour has it that Obama intends to replace fluoride with health giving vitamins especially Vitamin C which is acknowledged as the most important immune-protecting vitamin there is. This would be of great benefit to the health of the nation and do much to halt the rising incidents of cancer. One in two Americans are currently at risk of the fatal disease. And a cure for cancer seems to have eluded decades of scientific resolve and ingenuity.

In fact, the more medical science evolves, the less likely it seems a cure will be found; a situation that has perplexed a great many people over the age of seven.

What has to be considered however is the effect the ending of fluoridation will have on the American economy. Health may be good in principle, but bad health is much better for business and with banks earning great profits from subsidizing fruit and vegetable growers with their hired gun Monsanto holding them all to ransom, it is likely the bill, if it is ever presented in Congress, will not meet with much approval. Ireland has over ten times more fluoride in its water than any other country and leprechaun sightings there are giving serious cause for concern among the few politicians who are able to stay awake for more than four hours.

Stern opposition will also come from those industries producing the chemicals. As expected, a media campaign will be launched over the coming months to ensure that if the matter comes to a public referendum the Sheeple will vote for continued poisoning of their water supply. George Hamilton, Eva Mendes, Michael Douglas, George Clooney and Jim Carrey are just a few of the stars who have been approached to spearhead the "The Everlasting Tooth" campaign. Angelina Jolie says she would rather have all her teeth removed than be a part of it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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