Dalai Lama Sues Canon Welby: "Middle Way" not Anglican Property

Funny story written by TM_Dealer

Friday, 27 February 2015

The Dalai Lama may be a man of few possessions™, but he's hoping to get the better of Anglican Archbishop Justin Welby in a very material manner; while also sticking up for the faithful (at least, the right kind of faithful, anyway).

Attending an interfaith discussion, H.H. was horrified to hear the leader of the Church of England speaking of the Anglican (and in the USA, Episcopalian) faith as a "Middle Way™."

Uh-oh! These words have left the world's most fashionable man of the cloth spitting blood:

"I know you Orientalising Westerners stereotype us Buddhists as being peaceful, but I was this close to punching this ignorant and unenlightened™ buffoon," moans H.H.

"I mean, the "Middle Way," Madhyamika, is a Sanskrit term. So it belongs to Tibetans, to Buddhists. It's obviously not a Christian term. Sheer appropriation!

"Yes… how dare this demonic figure attempt to co-opt the true Buddhist Dharma and water it down with foreign elements. He will turn the world off the path of Enlightenment and defer salvation for all beings, possibly for all eternity!

"Yes… such adulteration is the spiritual equivalent of including columns on cheesy boy bands and unbearable rave music in Rolling Stone! I must sue this man for copyright infringement, to defend the honour of the Three Jewels."

(Whoops! ™ overload!)

However, Canon Welby was somewhat conciliatory:

"I appreciate that the Dalai Lama is upset at my words, but they are part of our tradition, too. I sincerely hope that we can come to some arrangement with the Dalai Lama, without any harsh measures being directed against us. We must keep all channels of communication open; within reason, of course. (Ah! ™ restore!)."

But Bono is horrified at the unrepentantly confrontational attitude of Canon Welby:

"This is really disappointing. Of all the religious leaders he chooses to insult and ridicule, it's the Dalai Lama? I just find that really sad. Of all the people in our woe-begotten, tear-bestrewn, aching and bleeding world…

"I mean, The Human Race and Our Common Humanity, all Earth's loving and sharing and pleading brothers and sisters, have suffered so much already. You know, when will all the hate just end?"

(Yowza! ™ break!)."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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