Florida beach "the best," Beachcombers agree

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Thursday, 19 February 2015

image for Florida beach "the best," Beachcombers agree
Winning beach shows off its prize assets

It's not the location. Or the beautiful white sands. Or the ice-blue water. Or the spectacular, pristine scenery. It's not even the hospitable locals.

Siesta Beach near Sarasota, Florida, has been named The Best Beach in America by Beachcombers, a private organization of beachcombers--they prefer this term to "beach bums"--who comb U. S. beaches on both coasts.

So, what did earn Siesta Beach the organization's designation as the nation's best beach, east coast or west?

"It came down to one thing," Grizzly Surfer Dude explained, "or, depending on how you look at it, two things: how many chicks are sporting thong bikinis."

Two things?

"There's a reason they're called 'buttocks,' duh!" Dude exclaimed.

Sarah Hale, president of View Sarasota County, who looks pretty dang sexy in a thong herself, the Beachcombers proclaimed, said "it's an honor" to have received the Beachcombers' stamp of approval.

"We are, indeed, fortunate to have such beautiful young ladies soaking up the rays on our sandy shore."

This is the third year the annual award has been awarded, Dune Buggy, another of the contest's many judges, said. "Last year, the honor went to Wedgie, North Carolina, and, the year before, Cameltoe, Maine, took the prize."

The Beachcombers' award is based on "quantity as well as quality," Buggy observed. "There have to be a lot of good-looking girls, and they all have to know how to stuff a thong bikini."

"I'm glad to see our award go to the Sunshine State," Dude said. "Maybe it will encourage other women to tan their hides on this and other beaches."

Buggy seconded his colleague's hopes. "You can never have too many buns in the sun," he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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