There were 506 spoof news stories published in February 2013. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
The List of 10 Rejected Country Music Band Names
Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine's Buck Yazoo stated that the world of country music has always been known for having colorfully traditional band names. He pointed out that some of these band names include Rascal Flatts, The Pirates of The Mississippi, Asleep At The Wheel, The Pistol Annies, and the legendary iconic band Bob Wills & The Texas Playboys. Buck said that back when he was attending Sol...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Promises Blake Griffin He'll Get Out of The Fast Lane
VENICE BEACH - Justin Bieber was recently seen shopping for a Blake Griffin, Los Angeles Clippers Jersey at Seashell Sal's Sporting Stuff Shop. Bieber has been a fan of the 6-foot-10-inch NBA player ever since he heard him mention on The View that...
Read full storyNebraska Groups Move To Ban Internet Porn
LINCOLN, Nebraska - There is presently a movement in the state of Nebraska to prevent the state's residents from viewing porn on the thousands and thousands of Internet porn sites. Several groups are advocating the banning of these vulgarian sites...
Read full storyNew York Bookstore Angers Christians By Placing Bible In Fiction Department
A New York bookstore owner has angered customers by placing top selling book 'The Bible' in the fiction section of his store. Simon Hargreaves, 45, claims that the placement of the book in the fiction department was a mistake and has apologized to...
Read full storyBone Idol Garbage Collectors Chastised By Senior
Frank Walker is furious. He claims he is "sick to death" of lazy garbage collectors who pick up his trash from the residential care home where he has resided for the last 5 years. So furious is Frank that he has organized a protest of what he call...
Read full storyNina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Deny The Baby Rumors
BEVERLY HILLS - The stars of The Vampire Diaries, Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder, were recently spotted in the trendy Rodeo Drive baby store Baby Rattles, Playpens, & Stuff giving way to speculation that Dobrev is with child. The supermarket...
Read full storyPrince Philip Cracks Filipino Nurse Joke - Makes Her Cry
Britain's Duke of Edinburgh asked a Filipino nurse "What do you call a Filipino nurse walking a dog? A vegetarian!" resulting in the woman breaking down in tears. He made the remark during a visit to Luton and Dunstable Hospital, near London, wh...
Read full storyAstronomers Say Orion's Belt On Last Hole--Obesity Epidemic Blamed
Orion's Belt, part of the constellation Orion, has expanded to the point that it's down to its final belt hole, a renowned scientist said today. Dr. Huang O'Flaherty, addressing the International Astronomical Union, told attendees, "Good morning...
Read full storyA 7-Foot-10-Inch Tall High School Sophomore Scores 193 Points In a Basketball Game
CHEYENNE, Wyoming - The Johnny Appleseed Fighting Applepickers defeated their crosstown district rivals The Mary Todd Lincoln High School Vultures by a score of 203-47. The halftime score in Cheyenne's Buffalo Stampede Arena was Appleseed 181 - Li...
Read full storyA List of Celebrity Valentine's Day Promises
Saint Valentine's Day (Feb. 14) was named after Saint Valentinus, a resident of Naples, Italy, who worked as a wedding singer in his spare time. St. Val, as he was called by his family, is also credited with inventing greeting cards which sold like hot pizza and made him a millionaire several times over. The St. Valentine's Day heart-shaped symbol was created and designed by St. Val's girlfr...
Read full storyUnassuming Man Insults Iranian On Train
An Iranian man visiting The Big Apple is set to sue the New York Subway system after claiming he was insulted by a multitude of passengers making his journey on the underground transit system "unbearable'. He is seeking $5,000,000 in damages. Ta...
Read full storyThe Grammy Awards Show - Kelly Clarkson Says Her Weight Gain Is Due To Happiness
LOS ANGELES - LL Cool J hosted The 55th Annual Grammy Awards Show from The Staples Center in Los Angeles. At the start of the show he reminded everyone that CBS executives had issued a memorandum stating that they did not want any of the women pre...
Read full storyRyan Seacrest Reveals The Truth About How Kristen Stewart Hurt Her Foot
REDONDO BEACH, California - Kristen Stewart was sitting in a booth at the popular Flamboyant Tortilla Restaurant. As she sat all alone eating an order of bacon and broccoli breakfast tacos she was overheard talking to herself. A restaurant patr...
Read full storyPresident Obama Upset That His Favorite Hamburger Joint Has Closed
WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama received word from his Chief Secret Service Agent Laramie Cobalt that his favorite hamburger establishment Ray's Hell Burgers has shut its doors. The president immediately asked what in the world had happened. He...
Read full storyPope's secret pacemaker 'was Italian Stallion'
Rome - The Pope had an Italian Cardinal fitted up to run as pacemaker during his 2005 election run for the papacy a report in Rome's Corriere Della Que Serra Serra newspaper alleges. Cardinal Gorgon Zola secured 49% of the first conclave run-off b...
Read full storySuper Bowl Blackout Was No Accident, Pentagon Reports
New Orleans, Louisiana -- The 35-minute power failure at this year's Super Bowl was intentionally planned, according to US military officials, who revealed today that the outage was a failed test of a new Defense Department strategy. Called "Tu...
Read full storyCalifornia Explains Its New Tanning Bed Law
SACRAMENTO, California - The state of California, which has more yearly botox implants and liposuction procedures than any state in the nation has just implemented a new law. According to Assistant Attorney General Fairfax Sextontelli, the Califor...
Read full storyTom Cruise To Set Up Own Version Of Academy Awards
Vertically challenged actor Tom Cruise has announced he is to create his own Academy Award show as an alternative to what he claims is "the back slapping and mutual masturbation club that is the Oscars". Cruise, 4ft 10, made the announcement aft...
Read full storyNASCAR's Fan Appreciation Scheme Backfires
Daytona, Florida -- A rumored NASCAR plan to shower its loyal fans with free souvenirs ran into a glitch at the end of its Nationwide Series race here. The idea was to launch a "piñata car" into the home stretch fence just before the competitors...
Read full storyDonald Trump Is Very Upset About The "Dump Trump" Petition
NEW YORK CITY - Well, the man who claims that his television reality show Celebrity Apprentice is the greatest show since the TV western Gunsmoke is presently foaming at the mouth. According to Tittle Tattle Tonight, Donald Trump, 66, is as angry...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Comments on Her Recent Upskirt Exposure
BEVERLY HILLS - Kate Gosselin's limo pulled up to FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive and instantly half a dozen members of the LaLaLand paparazzi were ready to pounce on her camera-wise. And Kate The Great, as ex-boyfriend Steven Tyl...
Read full storyNow horse meat found in cannibal meals
Supermarket giant Tesdabury's has become the latest store caught up in the horse meat scandal after allegations that horse meat has been found in its "Cannibal Range" of ready meals. A clearly shaken company spokesperson Sue Perior admitted "This...
Read full storyMaryland Wants To Legalize Marijuana
ANNAPOLIS, Maryland - In a move that caught many residents of Maryland by surprise, state delegate Curtis "The Wow Dude" Anderson has introduced a bill into the Maryland legislature that would make marijuana legal for anyone over the age of 21. An...
Read full storyAlabama Outlaws Accordion Playing
MONTGOMERY, Alabama - After receiving numerous complaints from the state's banjo playing residents, the Alabama state senate acted on the countless complaints complaining about accordion playing. State Senator Brisker "Tadpole" Tadfeller, 71, [R-M...
Read full storyPope Snags Job As Wal-Mart Greeter
Soon-to-be former Bishop of Rome, Successor of St. Peter, Head of the College of Bishops, Vicar of Christ, and Pastor of the Universal Church: Pope Benedict XVI has snagged a new part-time job as a Wal-Mart greeter at a superstore in Raleigh, North C...
Read full storyAlaska Admits It Has Developed An Atomic Bomb
JUNEAU, Alaska - After months of diligent research The Amalgamated Department of Data Gathering, which is based in Chicago, is reporting some astounding news. According to ADDG representative Bagby B. Buckleybox his agency has learned that the sta...
Read full storyLocal Man Experiences Super Bowl Blackout
Wisconsin man Elliot Holmes experienced his own personal Super Bowl blackout during Sunday's big game and is wondering "what the hell happened?" after waking up in a pool of vomit and urine, his trousers down to his ankles and his dog whimpering in a...
Read full storyPresident Obama's Stolen Teleprompter Has Been Found In Mexico
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The White House is glad to announce that the president's teleprompter that was stolen from the White House's News Media Room has been found. According to Chief Secret Service Agent Laramie Cobalt he received a phone call from an...
Read full storyJustin Bieber May Become a NASCAR Driver
NEW ORLEANS - Justin Bieber performed to a sold-out crowd at The Voodoo Arena in the city known as The Big Easy. After the concert he and several members of Team Bieber went down to Bourbon Street to have dinner. They went to the Giggle Giggle...
Read full storyWilliam Shatner or Captain Kirk? Turns out he didn't know either
'Trekkies' the world over can barely contain their excitement following a sensational find at a major Hollywood studio this week. Kirk's famous 'Captain's Log', it seems, was a real document. The studio has already released excerpts from the journal...
Read full storyApple Says It's Time for a 'Smart Wristwatch'
Cupertino, California -- Top secret patent papers, leaked during a sequestered privacy spill, have revealed that Apple has chosen to design a 'smart watch' as the innovation that will save the company. Shaped in the form of chrome apple, the dev...
Read full storySofia Vergara's Nude Calendar Is Outselling Paris Hilton's By A 9 to 1 Margin
CHICAGO - The CEO of Calendars 'R' Us, which is the largest calendar manufacturer in the world, has just stated that The 2013 All-Nude Sofia Vergara Mayan Apocalypse Calendar is having astounding sales. Axton P. Zipplecross, Jr., the calendar comp...
Read full storyTiger Woods Hitting On Ex-Wife Elin Nordegren
JUPITER, Florida - Tiger Woods has once again shown the world that he is and will always be a player. The golfer who became more famous for his off-the-fairways exploits than for his on-the-fairway exploits was caught openly flirting with his ex-w...
Read full storyYogi Berra and the Pope Chat on Twitter
Breaking News Two of the world's most famous men have just engaged in a Twitter chat. The Spoof is pleased to bring you the text. Pope: Yo, Yogi. Bless you, my son. Yogi: Grazie, Holy Father, but I didn't sneeze. Finally, we can chat. Hard 2 get a conversation going around here. Everybody's talking 2 much. Pope: Si, si, I know what you mean. What are you doing today,...
Read full storyCountry Music Shocker! Dolly Parton Getting Divorced
WATERLOO, Iowa - Dolly Parton, 66, showed that she can still sing with the best of them as she performed to a standing room only crowd at The Crop Rotation Convention Center in Waterloo. Parton performed all of her hits including "Jolene," "I Will...
Read full storyDrones Set To Fly Over All US Public Schools
The White House has announced plans that will see Drones circling the skies above American schools in an attempt to deter not only crazed psychotic gunmen and kidnappers from harming children but to also prevent truancy. A Justice Department offi...
Read full storyBoy Time Travelled To Gettysburg Address
A college professor from San Francisco has claimed that when he was an eleven year old boy he time travelled as part of Project Pegasus. The respectable forty nine year old man claimed that when he as a boy of eleven in 1974 he was involved in a top...
Read full storyRacist Theme Park Characters Force Review Of Policy
After a second African-American family accused a character at a well know theme park of ignoring their child because of the color of their skin the theme park have announced a review of their policies regarding entrance to their parks. The White...
Read full storyObama is a Clone of King Tut
Obama is a blue blooded clone of King Tut. The History Channel has confirmed that Barack shares the same DNA as the Pharoah King Tut. More scary still Michelle Obama is a deadringer for King Tut's sister Nefertiti and the two daughters Malia and Sasha also resemble the children of King Tut and Nefertiti. Is Barack really a clone of an ancient Egyptian King? Said rival Mitt Romney; "Barac...
Read full storyThe Joan Rivers - Adele Feud Ignites
NEW YORK CITY - Self-proclaimed fashion critic Joan Rivers, who is 79, wasted no time in hurling her fiery insults at England's singing sensation Adele. Rivers appearing on Piers Morgan Tonight said that Adele, 24, is so big she has her own zip co...
Read full storyEast Coast Blizzard Snow To Be Shipped To Colorado
NEW YORK CITY - The mayor of the Big Apple, Michael Bloomberg has just informed the news media that he has been in contact with several mayors of East Coast cities regarding the horrific blizzards. He spoke with the mayors of Philadelphia, Baltimo...
Read full storyRichard III: Even Non-Brits Want Him
Yogi Berra was right. "It ain't over till it's over." And for Richard III? It definitely ain't over, not by a long shot. Not only are officials in Leicester and York fighting to rebury his remains, but other folks -- all of them dead -- want...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Shaves Head After Being Caught Smoking Pot
Pop star Justin Bieber has shaved her head and offered a filmed apology after being filmed smoking pot, in an eerily similar gesture of stupidity as Japanese pop star Minami Minegishi; who shaved of her hair after being caught sneaking out of her boy...
Read full storyPakistan Outsources A Call Center To Cleveland
CLEVELAND, Ohio - In an interesting twist of events, a telemarketing group in Pakistan has just outsourced its phone telemarketing program to The Hello Telemarketing Agency which is based in Cleveland. Pakistan's Yak Yak Telemarketing Agency, whic...
Read full storyLittle Kim's Face Has Been Recycled
A new improved Little Kim has been launched onto the celebrity circuit. The diminutive, pint sized beauty has been, new and 'improved'. Startled pundits noted that there was a distinct Asian, robotic look to her shiny new face. She is barely r...
Read full storyCongress To Choose An American For Pope
Washington, DC - Calling the health-related retirement of Pope Benedict XVI "a tragic opportunity," congressional leaders have declared that America will field a candidate in the upcoming election for the next pontiff. "It's a free world, isn't it...
Read full storyA List of Ten Rejected Reality TV Shows For 2013
The Television Coalition For Reality Show Development has just released a list of 10 reality shows that did not make the cut for 2013. The coalition's Senior Executive Director Armstrong Jimmy Pennypocket spoke with TV Clickerworld's Sangria Wine...
Read full storyGoofy is Disney's MK Ultra Mind Control Agent
It has been claimed that Goofy is the most complained about character at the Disney theme park. One Mother said, "He is just creepy. My little butter-ball wanted to have his picture taken with Goofy and he turned away and farted in my face. Out-...
Read full storyBritney Spears Explains Why She's Posing In a Nude Magazine Spread
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Britney Spears has really seen more than her share of ups and downs lately. The "Oops!...I Did It Again" girl was recently fired from her $15 million a year job as judge on Simon Cowell's X-Factor. And Spears after seeing her...
Read full storyMan Claims He Understands The Subliminal Messages Received From VP Biden
Florida man, Frank Dobson, has claimed he is being fed subliminal messages from Vice President Joe Biden and says he is "waiting further instructions". "I first began decoding the messages he was passing me through his appearances on TV and at pre...
Read full storyMC Hammer Nailed By A California Cop
DUBLIN, California - The rap artist once known as MC Hammer spent some time in the Dublin slammer after he was arrested by a Dublin police officer. Officer Dixon Deckerdiggle told the news media that Mr. Hammer, the hip hop rapper whose 15 minutes...
Read full storySequester's Unintended Consequences Will Cause Chaos
Washington, DC -- The upside of the government's sequester initiative is a $1.2 trillion reduction in the deficit. The downside is that the blunt force action will produce many unanticipated cuts and changes that will adversely affect every American.
Read full storyPresident Day Gift Ideas
As we celebrate Presidents Day and the traditional exchanging of gifts, applicable to our fine presidents, retail giant Wal-Mart has released it's list of best selling gifts that can be exchanged between friends and family. Wal Mart customer, John...
Read full storyHorse Meat Actually Not That Bad Say Brits As New Chain Of Fast Food Restaurants Open
Despite a frozen food producer being caught up in a scandal over horsemeat found in beef products in the United Kingdom, Sweden and France many Brits are confessing that they actually enjoyed the taste of horse, with many even admitting that they cou...
Read full storyChevron eyes Scooter Libby prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald 'to fill Chuck Hagel's boots'
San Ramon - "You mean as in, er, 'With Concrete?' maybe?" bemused Big Oil sources quipped tonight as Chevron top brass reviewed the scalps Fitzie's notched up fighting organized crime in the last 30 years. This weekend the awesome former US Attor...
Read full storyNASA Bombshell: There is Intelligent Life on Mars
We are not alone. NASA's Mars rover vehicle has found irrefutable proof that intelligent life exists on the Red Planet. The agency is preparing to announce the historic discovery. Details will be released in a few days, but we have obtained an ad...
Read full storyMiracles of Pope Benedict Revealed
Vatican City -- As he retires as the mystical leader of the Catholic Church, Pope Benedict is being honored for the miracles he performed while pontiff. Among the amazing feats with which he is credited are these wonders: Converted the Pope Mobil...
Read full storyBada Boom: Mafia Put in Charge of U.S. Drones
Washington, DC -- Under growing criticism for using remote-controlled aircraft to hunt down and kill suspected terrorists, the Defense Department has transferred its top-secret aerial assassination program to the Mafia. "Anybody got any complaints...
Read full storyThe Cruise Ship Triumph Renamed The USS O'Boy
MOBILE, Alabama - Political Salad Bar Magazine is reporting that due to the extremely bad publicity, the owners of the cruise ship Triumph have decided to change its name. Carnival spokesperson Helvetica Hickoryhaus, 52, stated that in order to re...
Read full storyAl Qaeda Suicide Dog Training Camp Raided
A camp reported to be conducting the training of puppies and dogs, to enable them to carry out suicide bombing missions, has been raided by allied Special Forces. The camp, located in Northern Afghanistan, is understood to have been wiped out, wit...
Read full storyNorth Dakota Votes To Allow Concealed Handguns At Gun Shows
BISMARCK, North Dakota - The state's senior ranking senator, Tabor H. Fishfield [D-North Dakota] has managed to push through his latest state bill. Senator Fishfield, who turned 80, on Valentine's Day, was successful in getting the bill known as T...
Read full storyAlex Salmond and Cristina Kirchner 'joined at the hip' says energy security think tank
North Sea - Claims to North Sea oil and gas by the Scottish separatists' leader have been likened to Argentine President Cristina 'Mad Dog' Kirchner's obsession with the Falklands Islands a leading think tank said today. "Neither has a hope in he...
Read full storyPope Benedict XVI Moving To Beverly Hills
THE VATICAN - Italy's national news agency The Daily Vino has just reported that Pope Benedict XVI, 85, has made a highly surprising announcement. The leader of the Catholic church said that he has decided that after his resignation becomes offici...
Read full storyRussian Meteorite Brings Killer Virus From Outer Space
Conventional science believes viruses can 'jump' from one species of animal to another. Conspiracy theorist scientists believe that the greatest threat to humanity lies with killer viruses from outer space. One leading scientist who believes th...
Read full storyUS Forces Set To Withdraw From Southern United States As Generals Admit "We Are Simply Outgunned"
The Pentagon has announced that US troops will start an immediate withdrawal from the state of Georgia after conditions there deteriorated overnight and inner city violence and gun crime reached 'unacceptable' levels. With the army predicting a hi...
Read full storyNASA's Bold Plan to Avoid Asteroid Armageddon
The US space agency NASA plans to build a giant bat for deflecting asteroids that are on collision with Earth. The bat will be put into orbit 25,000 miles above the planet. Recent near misses and hits, most notably the fly-by of a 150-foot asteroi...
Read full storyManti Te'o Admits Brother is a Cardboard Cutout
Manti Te'o shocked the crowded room of reporters Saturday in Indianapolis when he announced that his younger brother is a hoax. "It is really embarrassing," Te'o said. "I just thought he was shy and a little one dimensional." The elaborate ho...
Read full storyShaquille O'Neal Could Be Joining The Lakers
LOS ANGELES - The word out of Tinsel Town is that Lakers owner Jerry Buss has been in contact with ex-Laker Shaquille O'Neal about the possibility of returning to his former team. Buss is livid at the 20-26 record that his team currently possesses...
Read full storyStudies Show Too Much Texting Can Lead To Inverted Nipples
CHICAGO - Recent studies on the mechanics of texting have shown that overdoing it can lead to some serious complications. Professor Verdana Mindy Tenditucker, head of the Anatomical Department at Cottonball State University in Tuscaloosa, Alabama,...
Read full storyAdele Concert Leaves Local Man Frustrated
Vero Beach man Kevin Multony claims he felt a little disappointed after attending a concert by talented British singer/songwriter Adele, and understandably so. "I have to say that after forking over $100 for a ticket to see my favorite singer perf...
Read full storyOldest nymphomaniac on the planet reveals the truth behind her longevity!
World famous ancient Russian hag and nymphomaniac, Volga Olga, has revealed the secret behind (many times) her astonishing career as the oldest "bang" (bigger than the meteor) in the business. The world's press gathered in her wooden hut, lost at...
Read full storyBathroom Etiquette No Laughing Matter At All-Midget Clown Convention
SAN DIEGO, CA - Violence erupted at the first ever all-midget clown convention Tuesday night after a gang of half-pint jesters got into a brawl in a bathroom stall. The convention, comprised of clowns no taller than of 3 ½ ft, started off o...
Read full storyContinued Failure To Vet Beef Supplies Would Result In Flogging A Dead Horse, Says Food Industry
Tesco, Findus, Aldi and other food suppliers named in the recent horsemeat revelations, today formed a consortium to try to re-establish confidence in their beef products, and to put the meat-contamination scandal behind them. 'We do not wish to b...
Read full storyNemo Is America's Top Baby Boy Name
CHICAGO - According to The Amalgamated Department of Data Gathering, which is based in Chicago, the name Nemo has just surpassed the names Liam, Noah and Mason as the most popular new male baby name in the United States. Bagby B. Buckleybox, a rep...
Read full storyAs The Drama Turns - Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie Fussing and Fighting
NEW YORK CITY - There is probably no celebrity couple who seems to quarrel, quibble, and squabble more than Brad Pitt and his fiancée Angelina Jolie. Barbara Walters recently called the couple the modern day version of Liz and Dick (Taylor and Bur...
Read full storyNazi gold sleuth wants to dredge Central Park's Jackie O Reservoir
New York - It started decades ago as a quirky hobby digging for links between the Nazis and two US presidential families - the Kennedys and the Bushes - who'd made a packet in World War II contraband deals. This week a dramatic turnaround sees ren...
Read full storyNew Jersey Man Applies For Vacant Pope Position
A New Jersey man could become the first ever American Pope after he completed an online application form for the vacant position which he saw advertised on monsterjobs.com. Eric Tisdale, 44, unemployed but a former butcher feels he is "in with a c...
Read full storyNina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder Thrilled That The Vampire Diaries Has Been Renewed
HOLLYWOOD - There is much rejoicing going on in Mystic Falls, Virginia, the fictitious town where the CW TV series The Vampire Diaries is set. The shows producer Manolo Middlezuck has just informed the entertainment media, that the highly popular...
Read full storyPenis dropped off? That won't faze the sea slug
World experts in the field of natural sciences have today been dumbfounded by the sensational news that the sea slug has a detachable penis. This unassuming little critter swims about aimlessly until an attractive female enters the picture. The ma...
Read full storyNelson Mandela Tipped To Win Big Brother International Event
Nelson Mandela has been tipped to win the first ever international Big Brother event to be held in Las Vegas next week, where celebrities and high profile individuals will represent their home countries locked inside a house and isolated from the out...
Read full storyStorytellers vs. Masseuses: Who Has Rights to Term "Happy Ending?"
It's a battle between grandma-like storytellers and masseuses with soft, alluring voices and warm hands, and in the smack in the middle is federal judge Henroid P. Geezle. He is tasked with deciding whether the storytellers or the masseuses have the...
Read full storyMissouri Bans Facial Tattoos
JEFFERSON CITY, Missouri - The state known as The Show Me State has just voted to ban the practice of facial tattoos. State Senator Dominic Crackerwine [R-Joplin] stated that the state senate vote was 23-11 in favor of doing away with the facial i...
Read full storyIsrael Kicks Off Palestinian Space Program
An Exodus rocket launched three Israeli astronauts and 100 Palestinian refugees into orbit Wednesday, kicking off a ten-year mission to establish a permanent human colony on the surface of Mars. The rocket roared into mostly clear skies from the G...
Read full storyRussia has the largest money washing machine on the planet and it's not a German Miele!
Russia is losing billions of "dirty dollars" annually because they are being washed by a huge machine run by a bunch of criminal Scrubbers. Russian billionaires, the Russian Mafia and other criminal organisations are making sure that their hard-e...
Read full storyNevada Bans Botoxing
CARSON CITY, Nevada - The Nevada State Legislature has just voted to ban the cosmetic practice of botoxing. Senator Leelo Henrietta Faltenskyler, 51, who spearheaded the bill, expressed the fact that after much deliberation a vote was taken and th...
Read full storyKevin Garnett To Be The New Charlotte Bobcats Coach
CHARLOTTE - Word from the NBA rumor mill is that Boston Celtic Kevin Garnett will not be traded after all. But the 6-foot-11-inch tall center will however be leaving Boston. According to Tango Brisket with Sports Territory Magazine, who broke the...
Read full storyJohnny Depp and Katie Holmes Caught Tongue Wrestling At The Encino Reservoir
ENCINO, California - It appears that the former Mrs. Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes has finally decided to participate in the dating game. Katie, who recently stated that she plans on giving up acting in order to fulfill her life long dream of being a s...
Read full storyBum rap as Nat Rothschild loses Bumi deal
Indonesia - [Bumi Boiler Mess): Last seen frolicking with Peter 'Prince of Darkness' Mandelson and tanning his torso on Oleg Deripaska's Queen Special K ocean-going yacht Nat Rothschild's high flying city daze today suffered a spectacular belly flop.
Read full storyAstronauts Read Genesis From Dark Side Of The Moon
In his documentary Brian Cox mentioned that the Apollo astronauts read the story of Earth's creation from the Book of Genesis from the bible. Christians everywhere rejoiced when they heard the beautiful scripture read on Christmas Eve 1968 and saw...
Read full storySmiley Face On Check Prompts Extra Tip For Poor Waitress
Despite receiving poor service at a local diner, Boston couple Dan and Irene Goodwin felt compelled to leave a larger than average tip for their waitress, Brenda Lynch, after she drew a smiley face on their check and then wrote "have a nice day" unde...
Read full storyObama warned over Chinese Year of the Trouser Snake
Washington AC/DC - A presumed US-Chinese double agent is at the core of a CIA wiretap sting targeting hackers suspected of snooping for White House sex scandal cover-ups.** The traitor was discovered during a routine trawl of a Georgetown 'escort'...
Read full storyMan Who Rushes To The Front Of Plane When It Lands To Get Off First A Total Prick Claims Fellow Passenger
Gone are the days when airlines would not let passengers off planes, forcing them to fly back to where they had just come from. Also gone are the days when airlines would only let the first 20 passengers to depart the aircraft to collect their lugga...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, and Zac Efron To Star In Nemo The Blizzard
HOLLYWOOD - Executives for Lions Face Films have just informed the entertainment media that production will soon begin on the movie Nemo The Blizzard. The motion picture will be shot on location in Boston as soon as production crews can get to the...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen's Got The Hots For Lindsay Lohan
VENICE BEACH - Charlie Sheen was in Venice Beach getting a brand new tattoo from one of the country's most noted tattoo artist Bong Bong. As he was leaving the tattoo parlor he was approached by Pia Confetti with The El Lay Informer. She asked...
Read full storyNew England Patriot To Pass Go on Way to Jail
Alonzo Dennard has been convicted and will not collect $200 even if his piece was the recently retired Monopoly iron. Unlike the New England Patriots, the Boston Red Sox cannot get arrested. Patriot players routinely seem to end up in the judicial...
Read full storyEarth needs giant condom says UN Office for Outer Space Affairs, Flings, Bits-on-the-Side and One-Night Stands
New York - In a week dominated be Brits' meatier fears in the whorseflesh contamination scam and 'a steroid' attack on Southern Russia the UN's dedicated Outer Space Affairs agency says it's time to get tough on unprotected alien sex. "We need to...
Read full storyRadical remedies needed to combat otters' shrinking penises
Europe - Conservationists are worried that high levels of Endocrine Disrupting Chemicals - EDCs - in European waters are shrinking the native beasts' fabled genitals a wildlife symposium heard today. The problem's got so bad that the females of t...
Read full storyPope Prays for a Retirement Party
And if his prayers are answered, the party will be held in St. Peter's Square, with thousands and thousands of attendees from around the word! The Pope has told reporters, "Look, for years, I've been going out on the balcony and blessing that di...
Read full storyGod sends meteor to Russia with the name of the new Pope written on it!
With the dramatic news of the Pope resigning and several bolts of thunder crashing over the Vatican, God has now decided who will follow Pope Benedict XVI by sending a meteor crashing down into Russia. After the impact a hoard of Russian Catholic...
Read full storyCNN's Anderson Cooper Sent Chilling Package
CNN anchor, presenter and personality Anderson Cooper, has reportedly received a chilling package delivered to CNN Headquarters in Atlanta. Cooper, currently covering the story of rouge LA cop, Christopher Dorner was said to be 'shocked'. "It...
Read full storyKobe Bryant's Laker Teammates Are Fed Up With His Diva Antics
LOS ANGELES - Lakers super star Kobe Bryant says that he has just about reached the end of his rope and he feels that his team is on a roller coaster ride with a lot more downs than ups. He says that back during the summer when the team acquired S...
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