Latest spoof news snippets
Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
Bill O'Reilly and Roger Ailes to Form New Network
All women must sign non-disclosure agreements before working for them.
Wonder drug comes too late for Jaggedone!
Scientists have developed a drug that stops neurodegenerative brain diseases, including dementia! Who the fuck is Jaggedone???
Jeremy Corbyn Welcomes Election
'He's had to say that he welcomes an election,' said someone living in the real world. 'I wonder if Theresa will force turkeys into saying they welcome Christmas.'
Giant iceberg causes meltdown among global drink companies!
A giant iceberg struck the coast of Canada causing a meltdown between global drink giants. Red Bull, Coca Cola, etc, tried but to buy it, but a Scotch whisky giant called it Titanic and won the race!
White House Cleaning Staff Accidentally Flushes Trump Administration
"Sometimes it's hard to tell the trash that people want to keep."
"Someone should have left us a note," said unnamed staff member.
Trump Offers to Fight Kim Jong-Un to Settle Conflict
"My proxy is ready to go-Vladimir Putin! So, Kimmy Boy, you aren't chicken are you?" tweeted Trump.
Celebs should never say never!
John Cleese is the latest celeb to eat his words after crawling back to the BeeB. He will play a gay Basil Fawlty who falls in love with Manuel and divorces Sybil; promises to be a bender!
Tesco Apologise For Booze Ad: 'Great Offers On Beer And Cider. Good Friday Just Got Better'
'We're now working on our Christmas campaign,' said a Tesco spokesman. 'What do you think of: It's Boozemas. Come to Tesco for mangers full of cheap hooch?'
United Airlines Now Offers Both a Red-Eye Flight and a Black-Eye Flight
The friendly skies just ain't what they used to be!
Donald and Melania Trump Forgot About Barron and He Was "Home Alone" During Christmas Vacation
The worst part was there was only around $102,000 in petty cash in the penthouse!
United Airlines CEO supports employees
After his employees demanded officials drag a customer from a plane so an employee could take his seat, the airline's CEO praised them. "They followed our standard operating procedure."
Walmart fires thousands
Walmart laid off 307,000 associates but promises to relocate them. The company has hired United Airlines to re-accommodate them.
Effects of infection seen in San Francisco couple
A just-married couple honeymooning in Hawaii were infected by a brain parasite, but still consider their experience "two weeks in paradise."
New United Airlines Slogans
"If seating is tight, there's gonna be a fight!" "Not enough seating, get ready for a beating!" "If you resist, you'll meet a fist!" "Don't comply, get a black eye!"
Excuses, excuses, excuses, Arsene's excuses to be published!
Arsene Wenger is to publish a book about all of his perennial loser, historical excuses! The Crystal Palace slaughterhouse proved last night how right he is; always blame the others, never yourself!
Hillary ratings set new record
According to a recent Razmuzzen Poll, Hillary Clinton's popularity rating has plunged to a record low of -1,000 percent, which is "lower than whale shit."
Bill Cosby Children's Books Found to Be Among Most Banned
The book they like least is the one where Li'l Bill spikes all the girls' Kool-Aid with Spanish Fly.
Barry Manilow: Gay Marriage Was For My Fans
After being outed as straight by his lover, porn actress Lanna Paloma, Manilow has admitted his marriage to his manager Garry Kief was a sham to dupe his fans.
Trump to Begin Picking All of His Advisers and Appointees from the Ranks of Fox News
Rumors that Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity will soon have gov't posts aren't exactly rumors...
President Bills Syrian Children For US Airstrikes
The Tweeter in chief explained: "We're not going to let these kids freeload and take advantage of our generosity anymore!"
Indian monkeys much better parents than humans!
An Indian girl was discovered in a monkey family and it seems her habits are much better than children with human parents! No smartphones, no junk food, no tantrums; Monkey Business is much better!
Dutch druggist chain adopt Hitler as their flagship logo!
Now we all knew the Dutch were slightly outrageous but now the druggist chain, Kruidfart, have proved to the world what we all knew; they're a bunch of pot-smoking nutters (Not Nazis!)
Trump Calls Kim Jong-Un Hugely Fat, Crazy, and Stupid
War is inevitable as soon as the North Koreans get a missile that can hit Trump Tower.
Elderely spoof writer becomes....A BARD!
Little drops of treason
Spread by tiny little hands
Can make a mighty nation
into another Soviet land
A profit + a Poet equals...a BARD!
I'm a Bard! I'm a Bard! I'm a Bard!
U.S. Objects to Isis Calling Trump an "Idiot"
"Trump is an imbecile, not an idiot. Imbeciles are a little smarter." defended psychiatrists."
Trump Pardons Bill Cosby
"All he did was grab some pussy and you can get elected President and do that!" explained Trump.
Prudent Diagnosis for Fox News's Judge Janine
To palliate the manic verbal eruptions spewing from Fox News's Judge Janine, she should reduce her testosterone ejections every Saturday from six to one, and cut back to only one cup of expresso.
Obama Joins Jedi Council
Barrack Obama is only the second African-American to be knighted by the Jedi Council after Samuel Jackson.
Microwave Takes Selfie!
Owner, worried about NSA surveillance, cooks with fire.
Trump Declares Freedom Caucus Bigger Threat to America Than Isis
"For now, forget about that plan I had to defeat Isis, we have a new and evil enemy!" said Trump.
German giants pull plug on Brexit Britain!
Aldi and Lidl, German giants have had enough of Brexit bullshit and closed all of their shops in the UK in a "Blitskrieg" action! Harrods, owned by Arabs, are also thinking of moving to Frankfurt!
GOP Offers Spy Decoder Glasses & Earpiece
Understand what Devin Nunes says in real time!
Trump Will Cut Funding to Veteran's Benefits, Science, Environment, and Education in Order to Fund Wall
...and that's just for starters!
Trump Announces that Losing the Health Care Vote Was "All Part of the Plan"
Paul Ryan and Thomas Pence were asked to comment and said, "There's a plan?"
"After Impeachment, I'll Just Run A Car Lot." Says President Trump
"A nice quiet used car lot in New Jersey," Trump wistfully said, then he added "who knew this presidency thing was so complicated?"
Freedom Caucus Members Seek Asylum with Marie LaPen
After scuttling Trump's O-Care replacement plan,Freedom Caucus-ers fled to France,pleading to be taken in at LaPen's ultra-Right,Non-Tous-Le-Temps commune.Trump sent ex-seal Marcus Lutrell in pursuit.
Ivanka Trump Has Office in the White House
All press communiques will now go out with the label, "Brought to you courtesy of Ivanka Collection"
Pelosi Regains a Key Role in Progresso-Dystopia
Minority Leader Pelosi,but Maestro of Senility,regains her slot as the Wicked Witch of ObamaCare in the realm of Progresso-Dystopia. She is attended by Chuck-o Schumer as the Court Fool of Hypocrisy.
Trump Claims He is Helping Elderly People by Cutting Meals on Wheels
"Ivanka read to me that America is too obese. So I am helping to make old people eat less" he said.
Trump Adds to His Threat Regarding How Republicans Who Vote Against Repealing Obamacare Will Lose Their Seats
He has now added that everyone who votes against him will be taken off his Trump Steak Xmas List.
Market Flooded After Woody Harrelson Quits Smoking Pot
The sudden surge in supply has put growers in a bind as demand is cut in half and prices plunge.
Pink Floyd Won't Let Trump Use Their Song 'The Wall' for His Wall
In true Trump fashion, he just went ahead and used it, claiming they don't own the rights any more.
Brazil support vegetarians by flogging rotten meat!
In a perverse manner by "killing 2 cows with 1 meat hook" Brazil are now the "Messiah" of healthy living by flogging rotting meat to the world! A genial way to make the world vegetarian!
Trump Signs Executive Order to Ban Spiders & Insects
"I've never liked them and it seemed like the right thing to do" said Trump.
Socrates Lookalike Calls It A Day
"Mice turn me all queer", said Genghis Khan, yesterday. "It's their little stringy tails. I have to get up on my wife's shoulders if I see one in our yurt of an evening."
Eric Pickles Launches Speak Your Weight Machine Range
Cretin Channel Highlights:
20:00 Celebrity Jerk-Off - Can Will.i.am out-jism Ed Sheeran?
21:00 Hilda Goes In - Hilda the Undercover Hippo probes the Wakefield Pantomime Horse Racing Scam.
Walrus Interrupts Daniel O'Donnell Concert
The imaginary wife of Dorking Batchelor Dick Palmer is no trouble at all, he claimed yesterday. "You wouldn't know she was there", he said.
Peter The Great Slept In Fish Tank Claims Alloa Athlete
Among the books bequeathed to the nation by late travel-writer Sidney Yardbrushe are Up the Zambezi In a Coracle, Through Northern China on a Penny Farthing and Alone Among the Kalahari Hermits.
Nude Postman Scandal Rocks Vatican
"Wombats drive me crazy, man", says Alfred, Lord Tennyson. "A wombat is one crazy marsupial. Those cats are really gone."
Centaur Infestation Threatens Littlehampton
A sepia photograph of James Clerk Maxwell playing leapfrog with Lulu on Saltcoats Pier has gone missing from Queen Nefertiti's umbrella stand.