Latest spoof news snippets
Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
Nama Property Swindle
NAMA: huge billion pound Irish gov. property swindle... possible Sinn Fein/DUP collusion. Said Finance Committee..."perhaps, maybe..er,.. we should have an inquiry, eh?... just a thought."
Detroit: A 93 year old man was arrested yesterday for shoplifting. Said arresting officer, Chuck Braine; "Thankfully, he made no attempt to escape."
The Raping Reaper returns!
Sunderland FC have decided to put the final nail in their coffin by employing Moyes as their personal Reaper! He is doing a great job, only after 2 games David has already buried the hatchet!
Trump Abandons Presidential Run to Be Dictator of Own Country
"We used his money to buy Monaco and gave it to him for his birthday!" said the Trump Family.
Nasa For Sale
Obama to sell off Nasa. "Problems on earth need all our commitment and resources," he explained. Space suits going cheap on Ebay. "Buy one get one free".
New Hominid Species discovered - Trumplodites
Thought to be from about a million years ago. Its resurfacing in modern times is a sign evolution has given up and decided to regress
Man reads Census tracking story - turns off smartphone tracking and is raided within minutes
A study at Upjohn Downjill university concluded that 69% of all Americans enjoy oral sex.
Annual Psychotherapy Awards
LONDON: The Annual Psychotherapy Awards, Hosted by J.K. Rowling, will take place at Coventry Masonic Hall. Competition expected to be fierce.
New Tunick Art Work
Called "Naked Attraction" the new 'work' features thousands of naked volunteers painted purple and tied to lampposts all over London.
Ryan Lochte Accuses Brazillian Police of Further Crimes
The US Olympic swimmer was quoted as saying, "Brazil's cops are crooks. I was assaulted. No, raped! No, I was murdered!"
Obama to Pardon Nations' Turkeys
President Obama is considering using his executive power to pardon all of the nations turkeys before Thanksgiving. In the past he has limited it to turkeys scheduled only for the White House dinner.
Rock-a-bye Donald, in the pawnshop
When the wind blows, the campaign will rock
When the polls break, the campaign will fall
And down will come Donald, claptrap and all
Michael Phelps The Latest To Pledge Gold Medal To Trump
"I'm OCD about having even numbers, so I'll Give Donald Trump the extra gold medal if I end up with an odd number," says Phelps.
Tribute to Terry
The Mets are retiring Tterry Collins' blood pressure numbers,
Trump Vows to Bomb Al-Gebra
"When I am elected, my first priority will be bombing the Shiite out of Al-Gebra before they acquire weapons of math deduction. I bombed algebra in high school; I shall bomb Al-Gebra as president!"
Now Here is the Weather...Not!
They have over 2,000 satellites circling the earth and they can't predict if it will rain tomorrow or not? Duh???? How confused do we have to be?
Rumours Continue That Twitter Will Shut Down In 2017
Views have been sought from the remaining half dozen Twitter accounts that are run by real people rather than bots. They were too busy trolling each other to comment, however.
Donald Trump Escalates Bizarre Comments That Alienate Increasing Numbers Of Americans
'I must anger more people,' Mr Trump told his psychiatrist today, 'or I'll be president and not know what to do.'
'That's progress,' said the psychiatrist. 'It's the sanest thing he's ever said.'
The NWO Agenda Unmasked
If it's natural and healthy WE will change it.
Gender, marriage, family, minds, souls, bodies, weather, food.
Here's a better idea.
You created NONE of it.
Why not leave it all taf#!xk alone?
Tragedy for Trump's White House pitch as combover hairpiece files for divorce -
Cites irreconcilable martial differences.
Trump Surrogate (from the Americna Political Dictionay)
A subspecies of Homo Republicanus Rabidus that subsists on making the indefensible defensible. He or she can often be found on cable news shows or under rocks. It preys on the ignorant.
Irish Farmer Challenges Monsanto
Irish farmer Finbar Green has petitioned US Congress to arrest and try Monsanto Corporation for "crimes against humanity". He has indeed coined a new word for the charge BIO-CONSPIRACY.
Question from Ireland
Irish people want to know...."What happened to our 'summer'? Why is summer now winter? Is some lunatic scientist playing God with the weather?"
Trump Buys Silver Star and Congressional Medal of Honor to Go With His Purple Heart
Trump has started asking servicemen that he meets if they have any medals they want to sell.
Baby Boomers awake from lifetime of materialism to realise its not somebody elses government that is the problem
Baby boomers everywhere awaken to it is actually their own government that is their biggest problem, "after all this time and all those assurances I can't believe it was a con" they exclaimed on mass
Are there two Trumps as Dick Gregory says? One blue-tied and one red-tied? Clones? The first cloned US president in history? Does the right hand know what the left is up to? Is it meant to?
Roman Catholic archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin has been asked by his parishioners to launch an investigation into why Ireland has not had a summer this year or last year.
Mitt Romney Makes Donation to DC's Smithsonian Museum
Mitt Romney graciously donated his "binders full of women" to the Smithsonian Museum as part of the historical record. The museum will not display the women until after the election.
Conservative MPs And Activists Flock To Join Labour Party
'This is a cynical ploy,' said a Labour Party spokesman, 'to re-appoint Jeremy Corbyn and hence eliminate Labour as a serious political force in the UK until at least after the next general election.'
Labour Party Continues To Argue About Who Can Vote For New Leader
'We fully support democracy,' said a spokesman for Labour's National Executive Committee, 'but openness and inclusiveness is of no use if the ignorant, devious bastards vote for the wrong person.'
Trump: I Like Messiahs Who Weren't Crucified
Trump also likes messiahs that don't have to be deported...
First Aussie Gold Medalist from Shooting Team has passport cancelled for taking a gun to Rio.
She claims just an innocent athlete, government incarcerates her family in retaliation of her denial. Only terrorist take guns to the Olympics as the government smears her innocence.
Oscar Pistorius treated in hospital for wrist injuries
This after he beat off 100 other inmates in an effort to make some friends in prison.
Pokemon Go Players Killed on Artillery Range
A group of eight youngsters was killed by a single round from an M777 howitzer when they ventured onto a firing range at Fort Sill, Oklahoma in search of "Pokemon Go" characters.
Man of Eastern origin attacks pet poodle in Helsinki
Last Word on Science
Reality is not to be 'conquered' by 'science'.
Your violent ego is to be conquered by Reality.
Anger As Ofsted Chairman Calls The Isle of Wight: 'A Ghetto Where There Has Been Inbreeding'.
'IOW residents wouldn't have been able to read what I said,' Ofsted Chairman, David Hoare, told reporters. 'Somebody must have visited their caves and told them.'
Dame Goddard Resigns from Savile Inquiry
"Lost the confidence'... of the guilty.
Oh noes! It's winter
Rio de Janeiro - Uh oh. We forgot to tell everyone that it's winter in Rio. Sorry about that. Someone please ask Michael Phelps if he knows how to ski.
R.E.M's New Album
R.E.M rock band is to release a new album titled..."SONGS TO SLIT YOUR WRISTS BY". This will be the first music album ever to carry a government health warning. Sales expected to go through the roof.
Jimmy Savile Inquiry
The Jimmy Savile investigation now in its fifth year "will continue for another five years", said chief investigator Sir Hiram Pike..."until all the main suspects die off and it all blows over".
Melania's New Book
Melania Trump has just released her book... on "landing a billionaire". It is titled... "How to go to Bed a Tramp and Wake up a Trump".
Now Here Are the News Headlines
Jesinta Campbell shows off killer abs.
Donald Trump makes another bid not to get elected.
Britney Spears unveils new dance routine.
Baghdad bomb annihilates at least 215 people.
What is Insanity?
Listening to Corbyn and Smith debate Nuclear War on television as if it was a movie they saw last week and didn't particularly like.
Melania Trump Offers...
To be first illegal immigrant deported when her husband takes office.
Three Circles of Hell
Ring 1: Being Trump's Enemy
Ring 2: Being Trump's Ally
Ring 3: Being Trump's Campaign Staff
Pick the Reason Trump Will Drop Out
1. My golf game is suffering
2. My businesses need my attention
3. The press is out to get me
4. People don't believe in Santa anymore
5. The election is rigged
Trump Campaign Strategy Revealed
I'm rubber, you're glue.
Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.
Trump in Virginia
They say my wife is a tramp... that's OK. They say I'm here to make Hillary president... that's OK. They say I play golf with Bill Clinton... that's OK. They say we will destroy the Earth.. that's OK.