Latest spoof news snippets
Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
IMF Heads don't trust banks : 'I keep my cash under the mattress', says Christine Lagarde
Obama... Ordinary like us.
Yesterday, President Obama was refused entry into a restaurant for not wearing a tie and later fined for double parking and... ordered to return his library books... and thrown off a tram...and...
Xander Harris arrested in Boise, ID
Self-described "vampire slayer wannabe" Xander Harris was arrested in a Boise hotel lobby for trying to "stake" guests while babbling "incoherently" about someone named Buffy who, "told me to do it."
Jennifer Aniston: "I was up to the job"
Before she became famous as the Girl Next Door Who Is Most Likely To, actress Jennifer Aniston earned her living servicing johns. "The porcelain ones," she clarified, "not the horny kind."
Democratic National Committee chair predicts "landslide victory"
DNC chair Debbie Wasserman-Schultz predicts a "landslide victory" in next month's midterm elections. "The Republicans are going to win big time!" she said.
Police baffled by mysterious find
Police searching for a missing woman found the remains of a human female that closely resemble her. Mystified, the head of the Missing Persons Bureau admits, "Now, we don't know what to do."
Cruise ship Ebola free--this time
A health worker who potentially put the 4,000 passengers aboard a Carousel Cruise Lines ship at risk for Ebola tested negative. "Next time," she said, "I will try harder."
European Tectonic Plates
The Massif Central Mountain Range of France is eroding at a rate of 190% per month. The National Geographic Society says this is probably a factual error, but don't really care.
Not True That the Vice President's Son Was Kicked Out of Navy
Hunter Biden, Vice-President Joe Biden's youngest son, was not dishonorably discharged from the Navy due to taking cocaine. It was because he quit because of the low quality of the drugs, said Biden.
Catholic Archbishop Smith Of Southwark Commissions Investigation Into Former Head Of The Arundel And Brighton Diocese
'Bishop Kieran Conry has admitted to a legal, heterosexual relationship with a consenting adult woman,' said Archbishop Peter Smith. 'We see this as a huge leap forward for the Catholic Church.'
Obummer's latest Ebola "protocol"
Reacting to criticism of his administration's handling of the Ebola crisis, Obummer has announced plans to dispatch "swat teams" armed with flyswatters to combat the disease wherever it next appears.
Bill Murray to Do a Sequel to Groundhog Day: Bill Murray to Do a Sequel to Groundhog Day
Bill Murray has announced that he will do a sequel to Groundhog's Day. Bill Murray has announced that he will do a sequel to Groundhog's Day.
Runaway teens want to come home after joining ISIS
Two Austrian teenage girls who left home to join ISIS want to return home. "Beheading people isn't as fun as we thought it would be," one whined. "It's messy," the other agreed, "and sort of gross."
Martha Stewart on Gweneth Paltrow's need to change lifestyle brand name
After visiting Gweneth Paltrow's lifestyle advice blog, Goop, Martha Stewart advised her would-be competitor to rename it. "A more fitting title," Stewart fumed, "would be Poop."
Obama Importing Deadly Communicable Diseases
BREAKING NEWS! President Obama has decided to import deadly communicable diseases for the purpose of population control.
Leaders react to plan for Election debate.
Little Ed Milipeed has shite himself..again.
Clegghorn-Foghorn has booked three weeks in the Sychelles.
Do-nothing-Dave has placed an order with Pampers.
Nasty Nigel ordered 24 crates of real ale!
Colony of venomous spiders 'drives NYC first family from home'
No wonder Bill de Blasio's family moved to the official mayoral residency, Gracie Mansion, pity the poor tenants now living in his infested Park Slope house
Coast Guard checking JFK for Ebola
Fears the dead president's coffin is leeching the virus a big concer say Feds
Top admin tangled in Catholic school sex scandal stripped of athletic duties
No more playing Blind Man's Buff in the showers with the girls
Putin ready to break out the blow torch and rave
Next month's freebasing and crack cocaine party at the Kremlin will his first since rehab
Susan Sarandon breaks silence on 18 year-old boyfriend
He has the most advanced lingual muscles - uh, skills! - I've ever encountered the 69 year-old scraggy couger said today
Bianca Jagger launches new online charity auction
Pics show she's flogging off loads of dreary old tat to fund her flagging human frights foundation.
UKIP Celebrates Another Constiuency Victory
Glastonbury- Nigel Farrage touted the victory for UKIP here. Newly elected MP Arthur Pendragon CBE will represent this constituency in the battle against the cozy cartel of elite front benchers.
Gweneth Paltrow orgasms upon meeting Obummer
At a fund raiser, "actress" Gweneth Paltrow told President Obummer, "You're so handsome; I wish I were 162 million people, so my love for you could offset your negative ratings among other Americans!"
Supreme Court says it's okay to be gay
The US Supreme Court has decreed that Americans have the right to be gay. The Constitution, they ruled, implies this, just as it does rights to abortion, Obamacare, and anything else politicians want.
CNN layoffs loom
Unable to compete with Fox News, CNN has announced the layoff of its news crews. "From now on," owner Ted Turner says, "we just do human interest stuff and other fluff."
League: Kaepernick's behavior "sexist"
49er's quarterback Colin Rand Kaepernick was "reprimanded" and "fined" for wearing pink Beats headphones in support of the NFL's "Love the Boobies" breast cancer awareness campaign.
'There Are Too Many Foreigners In France,' Says French President Nicolas Sarkozy
'We've bin sayin' that for years,' agreed a typical English tourist. 'For a start, it's full of the French.'
The writing is on the wall
Cave art dating back 40,000 million years discovered......'Dave is a wanker!'
BBC receives Eastenders Furniture Complaint
The Kitchen Table on which Linda Carter was raped speaks out, claiming that Dean later returned and varnished it's surface without consent before promising that he wouldn't tell
Ebola 'Spread Through Telepathy'
Experts claim that merely thinking about the virus can trigger an epidemic
Clarkson Second Number Plate Revealed As Name Badge
The sign, which reads BE11 END, was initially thought to be another numberplate
Stephen Collins was 'just kidding'
Outrage as the star appears to claim his activities weren't serious
US airports may add extra Ebola screaming says government
Uh, screening! Sorry guys.
Lab-grown penises soon ready for testing on human males
Heterosexuals ONLY may apply
Food that taxpayers are buying me really sucks says 560 pound sex offender
Folks keep bringing up food that makes me vomit says the guy, maybe they think they're enabling some sort of chromic bulimic?
Brit pleads not guilty to hiring hitman to kill wife on South Afriican honeymoon
Not guilty, your honor, it was never supposed to happen on honeymoon, just what kinda guy do you take me for?
Supreme Court rejects appeals from five states to prohibit gay marriage
You just gotta give gay divorce lawyers a chance to earn some decent dough days senior SCOTUS judge
NYC-born scientist wins Nobel Prize for discovering brain's 'VHS'
Apparently internal lymbic system has been hiding a primitive video home system in some sort of unexplor d internal crevice, duh!
Spanish nurse with Ebola is first to contract virus outside Texas
Lone Star State becoming a third world pandemic hub
Ex-CIA Director says Obama 'lost his way' on national security
...the day he pulled that fast one about the Long Form birth certificate, heheh
Congresswoman Janice Hahn (D-Calif) wants Bratton to whip Secret Service into shape
Expect a VIP invite to her subterranean dungeon any day now to learn some awesome BDSM skills first hand
Four year-old hands out 250 heroin baggies at daycare
Entrepreneurial start to a budding career in the recreational sector
Chef who 'Killed, cooked and ate' his transgender wife 'might have had a dark side'
No kidding, you serious??
Lion says he was stampeded by herd of raging wildebeests
Sues wildlife reserve for endangering his animal frights
Dog of a nurse with Ebola to be euthanized
Just WHO you calling a dog says Nurse?
Twitter sues FBI, DOJ to release government surveillance files
Deposition claims secret 'closed circuit' microblogging sites operated by the Pentagon are poaching millions of users from the site
Woman sues DEA for 'spoofing' her as Farcebook dope dealer
Says drug agency geeks were so smashed on crystal meth they incorrectly dubbed her the weed queen of Colorado...despite living thosands of miles away in Joshua Tree, Ca.
Train carrying crude oil derails and bursts into flames
Luddites behind Keystone oil pipeline ban pissing themselves for saying it could never happen