Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.

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Nama Property Swindle

NAMA: huge billion pound Irish gov. property swindle... possible Sinn Fein/DUP collusion. Said Finance Committee..."perhaps, maybe..er,.. we should have an inquiry, eh?... just a thought."

written by Auntie Matter, 23 August 2016
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Successful Arrest

Detroit: A 93 year old man was arrested yesterday for shoplifting. Said arresting officer, Chuck Braine; "Thankfully, he made no attempt to escape."

written by Auntie Matter, 23 August 2016
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The Raping Reaper returns!

Sunderland FC have decided to put the final nail in their coffin by employing Moyes as their personal Reaper! He is doing a great job, only after 2 games David has already buried the hatchet!

written by Jaggedone, 22 August 2016
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Trump Abandons Presidential Run to Be Dictator of Own Country

"We used his money to buy Monaco and gave it to him for his birthday!" said the Trump Family.

written by Al N., 22 August 2016
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Nasa For Sale

Obama to sell off Nasa. "Problems on earth need all our commitment and resources," he explained. Space suits going cheap on Ebay. "Buy one get one free".

written by Auntie Matter, 21 August 2016
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New Hominid Species discovered - Trumplodites

Thought to be from about a million years ago. Its resurfacing in modern times is a sign evolution has given up and decided to regress

written by Jung in the Jungle, 20 August 2016
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Man reads Census tracking story - turns off smartphone tracking and is raided within minutes

Now under court enforcement to wear a GPS tracking anklet for daring to try to fall off the surveillance net

written by Jung in the Jungle, 20 August 2016
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The 69%

A study at Upjohn Downjill university concluded that 69% of all Americans enjoy oral sex.

written by Waskily Wabbit, 20 August 2016
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Annual Psychotherapy Awards

LONDON: The Annual Psychotherapy Awards, Hosted by J.K. Rowling, will take place at Coventry Masonic Hall. Competition expected to be fierce.

written by Auntie Matter, 19 August 2016
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New Tunick Art Work

Called "Naked Attraction" the new 'work' features thousands of naked volunteers painted purple and tied to lampposts all over London.

written by Auntie Matter, 19 August 2016
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Ryan Lochte Accuses Brazillian Police of Further Crimes

The US Olympic swimmer was quoted as saying, "Brazil's cops are crooks. I was assaulted. No, raped! No, I was murdered!"

written by Nicholas Renteria, 19 August 2016
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Obama to Pardon Nations' Turkeys

President Obama is considering using his executive power to pardon all of the nations turkeys before Thanksgiving. In the past he has limited it to turkeys scheduled only for the White House dinner.

written by GProwler, 18 August 2016
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Rock-a-Bye Donald

Rock-a-bye Donald, in the pawnshop
When the wind blows, the campaign will rock
When the polls break, the campaign will fall
And down will come Donald, claptrap and all

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 17 August 2016
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Michael Phelps The Latest To Pledge Gold Medal To Trump

"I'm OCD about having even numbers, so I'll Give Donald Trump the extra gold medal if I end up with an odd number," says Phelps.

written by XRhonda Speaks, 16 August 2016
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Tribute to Terry

The Mets are retiring Tterry Collins' blood pressure numbers,

written by Michael Balton, 14 August 2016
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Trump Vows to Bomb Al-Gebra

"When I am elected, my first priority will be bombing the Shiite out of Al-Gebra before they acquire weapons of math deduction. I bombed algebra in high school; I shall bomb Al-Gebra as president!"

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 14 August 2016
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Now Here is the Weather...Not!

They have over 2,000 satellites circling the earth and they can't predict if it will rain tomorrow or not? Duh???? How confused do we have to be?

written by Auntie Matter, 13 August 2016
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Rumours Continue That Twitter Will Shut Down In 2017

Views have been sought from the remaining half dozen Twitter accounts that are run by real people rather than bots. They were too busy trolling each other to comment, however.

written by Swan Morrison, 11 August 2016
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Donald Trump Escalates Bizarre Comments That Alienate Increasing Numbers Of Americans

'I must anger more people,' Mr Trump told his psychiatrist today, 'or I'll be president and not know what to do.'
'That's progress,' said the psychiatrist. 'It's the sanest thing he's ever said.'

written by Swan Morrison, 11 August 2016
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The NWO Agenda Unmasked

If it's natural and healthy WE will change it.
Gender, marriage, family, minds, souls, bodies, weather, food.
Here's a better idea.
You created NONE of it.
Why not leave it all taf#!xk alone?

written by Auntie Matter, 11 August 2016
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Tragedy for Trump's White House pitch as combover hairpiece files for divorce -

Cites irreconcilable martial differences.

written by Jung in the Jungle, 11 August 2016
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Trump Surrogate (from the Americna Political Dictionay)

A subspecies of Homo Republicanus Rabidus that subsists on making the indefensible defensible. He or she can often be found on cable news shows or under rocks. It preys on the ignorant.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 10 August 2016
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Irish Farmer Challenges Monsanto

Irish farmer Finbar Green has petitioned US Congress to arrest and try Monsanto Corporation for "crimes against humanity". He has indeed coined a new word for the charge BIO-CONSPIRACY.

written by Auntie Matter, 10 August 2016
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Question from Ireland

Irish people want to know...."What happened to our 'summer'? Why is summer now winter? Is some lunatic scientist playing God with the weather?"

written by Auntie Matter, 10 August 2016
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Trump Buys Silver Star and Congressional Medal of Honor to Go With His Purple Heart

Trump has started asking servicemen that he meets if they have any medals they want to sell.

written by Al N., 10 August 2016
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Baby Boomers awake from lifetime of materialism to realise its not somebody elses government that is the problem

Baby boomers everywhere awaken to it is actually their own government that is their biggest problem, "after all this time and all those assurances I can't believe it was a con" they exclaimed on mass

written by Jung in the Jungle, 10 August 2016
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Two Trumps?

Are there two Trumps as Dick Gregory says? One blue-tied and one red-tied? Clones? The first cloned US president in history? Does the right hand know what the left is up to? Is it meant to?

written by Auntie Matter, 09 August 2016
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Weather Investigation

Roman Catholic archbishop of Dublin Diarmuid Martin has been asked by his parishioners to launch an investigation into why Ireland has not had a summer this year or last year.

written by Auntie Matter, 09 August 2016
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Mitt Romney Makes Donation to DC's Smithsonian Museum

Mitt Romney graciously donated his "binders full of women" to the Smithsonian Museum as part of the historical record. The museum will not display the women until after the election.

written by Mike Peril, 09 August 2016
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Conservative MPs And Activists Flock To Join Labour Party

'This is a cynical ploy,' said a Labour Party spokesman, 'to re-appoint Jeremy Corbyn and hence eliminate Labour as a serious political force in the UK until at least after the next general election.'

written by Swan Morrison, 08 August 2016
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Labour Party Continues To Argue About Who Can Vote For New Leader

'We fully support democracy,' said a spokesman for Labour's National Executive Committee, 'but openness and inclusiveness is of no use if the ignorant, devious bastards vote for the wrong person.'

written by Swan Morrison, 08 August 2016
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Trump: I Like Messiahs Who Weren't Crucified

Trump also likes messiahs that don't have to be deported...

written by XRhonda Speaks, 08 August 2016
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First Aussie Gold Medalist from Shooting Team has passport cancelled for taking a gun to Rio.

She claims just an innocent athlete, government incarcerates her family in retaliation of her denial. Only terrorist take guns to the Olympics as the government smears her innocence.

written by Jung in the Jungle, 07 August 2016
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Oscar Pistorius treated in hospital for wrist injuries

This after he beat off 100 other inmates in an effort to make some friends in prison.

written by John_L, 07 August 2016
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Pokemon Go Players Killed on Artillery Range

A group of eight youngsters was killed by a single round from an M777 howitzer when they ventured onto a firing range at Fort Sill, Oklahoma in search of "Pokemon Go" characters.

written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw, 07 August 2016
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Terror Alert

Man of Eastern origin attacks pet poodle in Helsinki
with machete.

written by Auntie Matter, 06 August 2016
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Last Word on Science

Reality is not to be 'conquered' by 'science'.
Your violent ego is to be conquered by Reality.

written by Auntie Matter, 06 August 2016
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Anger As Ofsted Chairman Calls The Isle of Wight: 'A Ghetto Where There Has Been Inbreeding'.

'IOW residents wouldn't have been able to read what I said,' Ofsted Chairman, David Hoare, told reporters. 'Somebody must have visited their caves and told them.'

written by Swan Morrison, 05 August 2016
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Dame Goddard Resigns from Savile Inquiry

"Lost the confidence'... of the guilty.

written by Auntie Matter, 05 August 2016
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Oh noes! It's winter

Rio de Janeiro - Uh oh. We forgot to tell everyone that it's winter in Rio. Sorry about that. Someone please ask Michael Phelps if he knows how to ski.

written by Billy Joe Jim Bob, 05 August 2016
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R.E.M's New Album

R.E.M rock band is to release a new album titled..."SONGS TO SLIT YOUR WRISTS BY". This will be the first music album ever to carry a government health warning. Sales expected to go through the roof.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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Jimmy Savile Inquiry

The Jimmy Savile investigation now in its fifth year "will continue for another five years", said chief investigator Sir Hiram Pike..."until all the main suspects die off and it all blows over".

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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Melania's New Book

Melania Trump has just released her book... on "landing a billionaire". It is titled... "How to go to Bed a Tramp and Wake up a Trump".

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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Now Here Are the News Headlines

Jesinta Campbell shows off killer abs.
Donald Trump makes another bid not to get elected.
Britney Spears unveils new dance routine.
Baghdad bomb annihilates at least 215 people.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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What is Insanity?

Listening to Corbyn and Smith debate Nuclear War on television as if it was a movie they saw last week and didn't particularly like.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 August 2016
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Melania Trump Offers...

To be first illegal immigrant deported when her husband takes office.

written by pinkwalrus, 04 August 2016
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Three Circles of Hell

Ring 1: Being Trump's Enemy
Ring 2: Being Trump's Ally
Ring 3: Being Trump's Campaign Staff

written by pinkwalrus, 04 August 2016
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Pick the Reason Trump Will Drop Out

1. My golf game is suffering
2. My businesses need my attention
3. The press is out to get me
4. People don't believe in Santa anymore
5. The election is rigged

written by pinkwalrus, 04 August 2016
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Trump Campaign Strategy Revealed

I'm rubber, you're glue.
Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you.

written by pinkwalrus, 04 August 2016
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Trump in Virginia

They say my wife is a tramp... that's OK. They say I'm here to make Hillary president... that's OK. They say I play golf with Bill Clinton... that's OK. They say we will destroy the Earth.. that's OK.

written by Auntie Matter, 03 August 2016
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