Latest spoof news snippets
Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
News Media Will Only Report on Women Not Raped by Cosby
There are now so many Bill Cosby rape accusers that a new one is no longer news; what is news is a woman he hasn't drugged or raped.
Prince George mutilates Toy Dragon
'It shows his prodigious Historical Awareness', say Court Spokespeople, or 'grovellers', in Commoner's Speak.
President Obama Orders National Weather Service to Build Climatron
President Barack Obama issued an Executive Order Tuesday, directing the National Weather Service to build the Climatron.
NYC Mayor de Blasio 'aims to reduce waist' by 3 million tons by 2030
Gets sympathy note from New Jersey Governor Chris Christie suggesting more modest goal of five inches off the hips before 2016
Driver makes statement after car crashes through bank window in Manhattan
Says he was just returning their lousy wheels after bank's repo man sent confiscation order
Topless? They'd be 'headless' in downtown Aleppo, Syria
Jihadis respond to 'Topless women posing with underage kids in Times Square' headlines in New York Toast
Extremist thwarts own deadly attack after accidentally shhoting himself in the foot
Best news counter-terror cops have heard all week
Hahaha, you is toast!
Sign seen on radioactive-themed drone found on Japanese PM's office roof
Shipwreck's 170-year-old champagne tastes like 'wet bear' says oenophile
Not sure if that's 'grizzly', 'panda' or 'bi-polar', you need to be an expert in the field to be 100% sure in such matters
Lousy customer service payback?
Woman sentenced for shooting at McDonald's that twice forgot to put bacon in her Fatburger
GOP presidential wannabe Marco Rubio reaches out to gay conservatives
At least that's his excuse for getting caught in a clinch with Tom Cruise!
Bourbon theft ring networked at mothball games?
Correction! make that softball games!
Sheepdog drives tractor on motorway!
A sheepdog was seen driving a tractor down the M74 and it's owner was also seen barking at his herd, they ignored him of course, the farmer not the dog!
President Obama Proposes Building 10,000 Mile Dike To Protect USA From Climate Change
This morning, President Obama proposed utilizing the USA's military to build a dike around the lower 48 states, combating climate change.
Republicans Send Letter to Iran Telling Them Obama Sleeps With a Night Light
The Republicans sent a letter to the Iranians reminding them not to make any deals with Obama since he'll be out of office soon and because he used to wet the bed and still sleeps with a night light.
Republicans Reveal They Have Evidence Obama is Stockpiling WMDs
Dick Cheney revealed that the Republican Party has proof that Obama is stockpiling weapons of mass destruction and the army should be called in to invade the White House.
Netanyahu And Israel Walk Away From Peace Talks
"We don't negotiate with terrorists who won't compromise and don't keep their word,"said Bibi
No one asked a Palestinian representative for comment. Speculation was that it was something like:"ditto"
Daily Pot Smoker Abstains on "4/20"
Asked to comment, he said, "I wanted the day to be different and special."
New Infrastructure And R&D Bill Passes Both Houses With Ease
"This is how America achieved her status as an economic superpower Post WWII. More jobs, new technology,better roads/bridges/water systems/power grids. A no-brainer really," said everyone in Congress.
Jeb Bush Throws Brother Under The Bus
"I love my brother but the guy was a sh***y f***ing President. One of the worst ever. I'm not like him. I let facts dictate my decisions. He sucked. Everyone knows it. Even his supporters."
Ted Cruz Apologizes For Fear Mongering, Pandering, Distorting
"I've realized the error of my ways," said Cruz. "I'm running a more sensible campaign now."
Loretta Lynch Confirmed As New Attorney General
"We thought the highest law enforcement officer in the land was an important position," said Mitch McConnell. "We put it to the floor and confirmed her nomination. It wasn't rocket science."
97% of Climatologists Fudged Data, Proven Wrong
As scientific fraud of massive proportions is unraveled, climatologists all over the world 'feel the heat'. "Even the NASA photographs of the Earth's poles were doctored," said an investigator.
Police Officers Show Restraint, Use Proportionate Force
Recently, a police officer assessed the situation and didn't end up killing anybody. An arrest was made. The perp did not resist and thus was not even beaten up.
New Video Game Inspires Hope In Some Parents
"I've heard that in this game your child can pick a character, join up with other characters, and explore back yards, creeks, and play sports outside. Good graphics. Promising," said a mother of 4.
Groups And Factions Upset Over Harmful Label
"We think the term 'PC Police' is demeaning; an inflammatory label which offends," said some nanny from some stupid advocacy group.
Yahoo Website Receives Journalism Award
"This speaks to our constant diligence and fact-checking, the talents of our fluid writers, and our straightforward headlines," said CEO Marissa Mayer.
Large Group Of ISIS Fighters Defect
"We're not so sure about some of the stuff we've been told, both by our holy books and by our commanders and recruiters," an anonymous dissatisfied fighter was quoted as saying.
Mainstream News Media Eases Up On 2016 Presidential Election
"19 months away and we've been talking about it since Obama was sworn in," said a cable news exec. "We're going to let this thing flesh out for a year or so before we speculate and prognosticate."
Bush, Clinton Donate 50% Of Their Massive Campaign Funds To Charity & Towards Paying Off The National Debt
Congressional Republicans Praise Administration,Sec. of State Kerry, on Iran Talks
"We don't want Iran to have a nuclear weapon either. We think an incentive agreement which allows the world to inspect and enforce this is a great idea," said a prominent Republican lawmaker.
Media Coverage-- About Gays, Gay Marriage, and Feaux-"Religious-Freedom" Discrimination-- Abruptly Ends
"With that subject there's nothing much to report on anymore," said an unnamed AP reporter. "There are bigger more important issues going on in the world. Plus, social conservatives have dropped it."
More schools to offer breakfast in bed
President Barack Obama signed an Executive Order today, mandating that schools offer breakfast in bed for disadvantaged students.
President Obama Almost Shot by White Cop
President Obama was fired upon by a white cop in Ferguson, Missouri but luckily wasn't hurt. "I just saw a black guy in the middle of a bunch of white people and couldn't control myself" he said.
Scamatology Won't Let Bill Cosby Join
Scamatology, still reeling from the Going Clear documentary exposing their craziness and top secrets, has banned beleaguered comedienne Bill Cosby from joining due to his "bad press."
Hound Dog Sound Dog
Ben-Jamin the North-West radio broadcast enthusiast had a rude awakening today when testing his portable studio. He tweaked the frequency one notch too far and was set upon by 5 neighbourhood dogs.
A Smiley Suite
Anthropologists have discovered what they believe to be the earliest set of playing cards, in a recently opened Egyptian casket. The 65 card set contains an extra suite - a smiley face.
More Force, Less Fat
The New Jedi Order have issued a galaxy-wide report which clearly states the weight restrictions for would-be recruits. 'More Force, Less Fat' is their logo for this cycle.
Bronwyn Bishop getting 'carried away' with 94(a) during House's recess
Sources close to Bronwyn Bishop, say the 71-year-old Speaker of the House has gone 'overboard' in her invocation of 94(a), having this week ejected two gardeners, a plumber, and an old sandwich.
Zebras break loose in Belgium!
I just crossed them with a Beatle and got a donkey!
Labour To Set Out Key Immigration Policies
.....in a nutshell, "Come on down, the price is right!"
Farage 'Insults' Audience At Leaders' Debate.
It's virtually impossible to insult a BBC audience most of whom wander in off the streets for a free hot soup and a slice of bread.
Express Owner Desmond Gives £1m To UKIP
Do-nothing-Dave and Little Eddie Milipeed have bowel malfunctions!
Corrie To Lay Anne Kirkbride's Deirdre To Rest
Why not bury the rest of the cast, they have been 'dead' for feckin' years.
Sturgeon Tells Little Eddie Milipeed: I Will Make You PM
"You shall go to the Ball....after you have given me yours!"
Fat Albert Disassociates Himself from Bill Cosby
Most people thought I was just a character made up by Bill Cosby, or maybe just one of his multiple personalities, but I'm real and I'm tired of Cosby telling me I have to remain fat "for my image!"
Paul Blart, Mall Cop, Asked to Join the Avengers
Paul Blart, Mall Cop, was asked to fill a hole in the Avengers due to the disappearance of Ant Man.
Daily Express owner Richard Desmond gives UKIP a million quid
Rumours are circulating that fellow media mogul Murdoch tried to give Cameron a million quid but he turned it down, so he hacked his bank account & cancelled all his direct debits & standing orders.
Dating site for cheaters looks to raise $200M in IOO
Wall Street rumor mill says Bill Clinton just appointed to the Executive Board
'Star Wars: The Farce Awakens' trailer debuts in LA
Preview show delayed by five hours as Harrison Ford crash lands his Piper Cessna at a Glendale golf course