Latest spoof news snippets
Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
Question from a 10 Year old.
Why are whole countries afraid of banks? Why can't they just say to them..."We'll pay you back when we can afford it. In fact, if you don't behave yourself, we may not pay you back at all." That's what my mum would say.
Kanye West and Justin Bieber Announce Museums All About Them
In a coincidence, the two biggest narcissists ever announced opening museums for their fans today.
Trump Will Use Basketball Lingo to Negotiate with North Korea
"I know politics and I will get through to Kim Jong-Un when I talk basketball and win his respect."
How to Get Rid of Your Conscience in 2 Easy Steps.
1. Believe in a delusion called 'selflessness'.
2. Find a 'Higher Cause' to serve.
To exercise both to the max however, you may have to wait for World War Three.
UK Prime Minister David Cameron was "insulted" this morning when a man refusing to give his name phoned to tell him to "F*###k!! Off" A full police investigation has been launched.
Jamie Vardy was abducted by aliens!!
Speedy Leicester striker, Jamie Vardy, was abducted by aliens and they transformed him from an amateur no-hoper into a world-beater! Louis van Gaal has begged Jamie for the alien address, guess why?
The News That's Fit to Print?
I think we're getting to the point where international newspapers, like Le Monde or the UK's Financial Times, are beginning to cover the US election in the gossip or entertainment section.
Kim Jong-Un Demands Katy Perry Join His Pleasure Squad
Kim says that the US will be sorry if his orders aren't met. He will consider Taylor Swift instead.
Trump University Receives Accreditation
It was validated by the Trump Validation and Accreditation Committee.
"The Criminals Behind 9/11 Will be Prosecuted."
So, said the ghost of J.F.K who appeared recently at a seance in Hollywood. When asked "by whom?", he vanished.
"Multi-Sexual": A new Sex Label for the Sheeple.
Don't fit in? In desperate need of a social label? How about "Multi-Sexual" recently 'discovered' by scientists at the Tavistock Institute. "Multi-Sexual" means Straight+Gay+Up for Lesbians, family members, quadrupeds and Japanese robots.
How to Make a Suicide Bomber
Give him/her nothing to live for but DEATH. How do you do that? Hypnosis. What is hypnosis? Let me think... Was that a nuclear explosion or is there something wrong with my glasses?
Big Rush on Suicide Belts
Suicide Belts for sale. USA made. Free shipment. Buy one get one free. Student Reductions. No ID required.
The nation says 'Goodbye' to Nancy Reagan
Wal-Mart Awards Health Insurance Coupons to Employees
Wal-Mart has issued coupons to their part-time employees for 10% off prescriptions and aspirin.
Ralph Nader, Ross Perot, & Adam West to Form 3rd Party Dedicated to Defeating Trump
Jeb Bush, Mitt Romney, Bono, Cher Bono, & the Ghost of George Wallace have also expressed interest.
Trump Offers to Sell Soul to Devil to Win U.S. Presidential Election
The Devil laughs maniacally, then refuses, saying, "I already own your soul, Trump!"
Trump Would Let Transgenders Use Any Bathroom They Want, Even If It's Marked 'Employees Only'
He would let Caitlyn Jenner use any bathroom anywhere at any time except the ones in Trump Towers.
Shakespeare... Yes It's All True.
It's official. Like most of England's greatest writers Shakespeare was in fact... Irish. From Tipperary.
What to Say When Someone Calls you "a piece of shit".
London: Will Obama be sued for blackmail over his threat that unless the UK stays in the EEC trade will cease? Sanctions are not "threats" explained Schillings Law Firm who call them "injunctions".
Donald Trump Names Favorite Nut
Donald Trump's favorite nut is a walnut, but Mexico has to pay for it.
Prince's Death. The Question Everyone is Asking.
Was the elevator going up... or down?
Dippy Depp nearly Done!
Weirdo Johnny Depp and some bint he's slotting dodged 10yrs in HMP Australia for breaching quarantine rules by sneaking their pet dogs in - the Aussies said they take TERRIERIST offences seriously.
North Korea Rejects Flint Water for Labor Camps
"It is better to not have the Flint water here-we have discovered no one will drink it" they said.
Trump Holds 'Diversity' Council
The Donald presided over his 'Diversity' Council, consisting of his various children from his numerous tribal wives. Not much input from the offspring, though as the Chief bellowed on as usual.
Trump Will Revive The Apprentice TV Show to Choose His Cabinet Members
The losers have to take cabinet posts.
Donald Trump, I hear, is getting a teleprompter. Now we'll hear even more of the best words.
Ireland. What Can't be Taxed?
The Irish Government having imposed 'water charges' on its rain-sodden citizens is now considering an Air-Tax.
EU Referendum. The Illusion of 'Democracy'.
Your pound will be worth shit, the cost of living will go up and you'll be driven into debt as your income tax increases. Still, you are free to opt out. That's 'democracy'. Isn't it?
Bernie Sanders Breaks Precedent and Demonstrates His Vision
Campaigning in Brooklyn, Bernie broke with custom & washed his only pair of underwear in the East River.Pounding on his skivvies with rock, he showed how we'll all do laundry in his Socialist utopia.
Emperor Calls For More Rubah-Dub-Dub
His Supreme Wetness, Barack I, ensconced in the Royal Hot Tub, sent Queen of Sheba S Rice out for a bigger sponge to rub away the fresh imprint of the Russian Mig that buzzed the Tub.
Swinging Prince Harry promises the Obama's a royal swing!
After their luxurious dinner at Kensington Palace, Prince Harry, has promised the Obamas an "after swing party" in Soho. Barack just cannot wait to see his missus "swinging" with Bojo!
Trump Says Syrian Refugees Can Use Bathroom and Visit Gift Shop And Then Must Go Home
Donald Trump commented on the state of Syrian refugees while attending a waterboarding symposium.
Schillings Deny Claim
Notorious law firm Schillings of London have denied that over 80% of the fraudsters mentioned in the Panama Papers are on its books. "False, untrue and unsubstantiated," said their spokesman, Neil Blair.
House of Commons to be Outsourced
The project funded by the IMF was announced by CEO Herr Hobbama: "MPs are only party reps," he explained."Governance is best left to professionals."
BBC WORLD NEWS HEADLINES
William and Kate ate papadams in Delhi yesterday. William ate two. Kate could only manage one.
The Home Office has bought a cat.
Trump Would Legalize Crack In Order to Rid the World of It
"It's so genius I'm shocked no one's done it before! We give 'em crack but make crack PIPES illegal"
Bill Cosby's Lawyers Have 50 Women Who Knew Bill and Were Never Attacked by Him
"I even accepted drinks from him with no problem" said one. "This proves I'm not guilty!" said Bill.
Amendment to The Patriot Act
WASHINGTON: An amendment to The Patriot Act 2001 has been rushed through Congress. Any Jew criticizing Israel will henceforth be guilty of antisemitism and possible treason.
LA STD Clinic Copying Bernie Sanders.
A STD clinic in LA is copying Bernie Sanders campaign slogan to advertise its services. "Feel the burn? Freestdtest.org." Makes sense because just like STDs, Bernie's campaign is popular on campuses.
Jeb Bush Motivational Speaker
Jeb is going back to giving speeches after his attempt for the Republican nomination. He is a very talented motivational speaker, because after you listen to his story, you feel great about yourself.
Supreme Court Vote on Banning This Male Enhancer
The SCOTUS today voted to ban Bill Clinton's Miracle Male Enhancer because it only works when around the subject is near blue dresses and fails when the male's spouse is around.
House Speaker Paul Ryan Quits
Ryan issued a statement ruling himself out as a replacement candidate at a contested convention. Things are bad in the Republican Party when people who aren't even running are dropping out of the race
Kasich Speaks in NY
John Kasich gave a 30-minute speech in New York City. Afterwards, the crowd applauded Kasich and then put $8.34 in his hat.
Bill Clinton In The Bronx
Bill Clinton was in the Bronx campaigning for Hillary yesterday, and visited the "Hebrew Home for the Aging." While Hillary actually went there to drop off Bernie Sanders.
GOP n A multivalent acronym for the Republican Party which stands for Grand Old Party, Generally Obstructionist Pricks, Grumpy Old Poopers, God's Own Party, and Grand Obsolescent Party. Archaic.
Cameron on Poverty
"Poverty" is not a dirty word."
Cameron not alone in his tax-free haven!
It seems that the worst form of satirical scumbag, Jaggedone & his dreaded CIA (Google it) can compete with Cameron by depositing his wealth under a sweaty Panama Hat. And you can vote for him too!
Cameron Used A "Buy One Get One Free" Offer in Asda To Avoid Contributing Money To The UK Retail Economy
'There will be more revelations,' warned another lazy journalist, 'as we uncover more entirely normal financial dealings that can be made to look to the gullible like financial irregularities.'