Latest spoof news snippets
Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.
Anvil Shortage in USA
The Acme Anvil Company of Bangor, Maine, just can't keep up with demand.
"Some guy in the middle of the Arizona badlands just keeps ordering more and more. I wish we knew what he's doing with them!"
Emperor Lolls While Musing on Next Move
Emperor Barack I reclines in the royal hot tub with Queen of Sheba-Susan Rice, as they dream about blaming the deadly ISIS attacks in Paris on a video.Meanwhile, handmaiden Kerry slathers oil on both.
Obama to put 50,000 boots on the ground to combat 26 US State Governors
President Barack Hussein Obama announced today that he has authorized 25,000 troops to be deployed to 26 of the United States to enforce his decision to allow Syrian refugees to infiltrate the USA.
Jerry Bruckheimer Arrested After Shooting Pilot
Jerome Leon ("Jerry") Bruckheimer was arrested today after the FBI discovered that he had shot a pilot.
Fishing for tiddlers
There may be plenty more fish in the sea, but following the Ashley Madison leak, far fewer people are willing to get their tackle out.
Obama Vows to 'Redouble' Islamic State Fight After Paris
Opening two days of talks with world leaders in Turkey, Obama pledged to send an additional 50 troops to Syria, bringing the total US force to 100.
What the F*uck!!! Politics
There is a new leader of the SDLP - Clint Eastwood said "WTF, I had no Idea - it actually made my day" as the bemused Octogenarian dribbled onto a big hand gun.
U2 Cancel Paris Show.
In the wake of the terrorist attack U2 cancelled a planned show in Paris. "I tink the city has suffered enuff with out having Bono behaving like a gobshite on stage." Drummer Larry Mullen said.
USMC: Hillary a bitch
According to presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, the United States Marine Corps turned her down when she sought to enlist at age 27. "Maybe the dogs will take you," the recruiter suggested.
HUD proposes masturbation ban in public housing, citing dangers of warts
In an effort to reduce warts, the federal government is seeking to ban masturbation in all of the nation's 13.2 million public housing units.
Golfers To March Across America, Demanding Free Greens Fees
Golfers were set to walk off golf courses across the United States today to protest ballooning greens fees and rally for free golf balls.
Crocodile prison guards patrol Indonesian prisons!
Indonesia's latest way of controlling and reducing their prison population may seem slightly eccentric, but it works, as no living prisoners have been seen exiting or entering prisons since!
Ben Carson Claimed He Masturbated as a Boy, But Can't Prove It
Dr. Ben Carson says he was prone to masturbating during his youth until he had a religious experience in the bathroom of his Detroit home.
Zen Master Acquires iPhone, SIRI Attains Enlightenment
"I kept asking SIRI the same questions until it learned to abandon all preconceived notions and answer as a truly enlightened one would", explained Roshi Tawake-Sama.
Ben Carson's Syllogism
All politicians exist.
I am not a politician.
Therefore, I do not exist.
Get Me Back In
A mum laughed so hard at a Michael McIntyre gig she went into labour! Unsurprisingly upon arrival the baby demanded to go back in
A Liverpool fan snuck into the Merseyside derby by pretending he was disabled. Don't know why there's outrage half of Liverpool are normally running a disability scam
"Utility" player Eric Dier is in the England squad. They call him a "Utility" player because he plays like a toilet.
Britain and France will work together in developing the next generation of missiles. Much like the old ones they'll primarily be used in hitting hospitals and schools by accident
Benefit fraud jumped to £1.3billion a year last year! Which is just enough to pay for Iain Duncan Smiths breakfast
Peers in the House of Lords believe young people are under pressure to act like porn stars. Agreed. People are always trying to do plumbing with no qualifications
A figment of a mad man's imagination or just fact?
There once was a Spoofer called Erskin Quint whose name gave a fellow spoofer a hint. Now the name belongs to a mercurial stud with an E and the rest is history!
Obama Rejects Keystone XL, Then Issues Executive Order Mandating Keystone XXXL, Citing Political Climate Change
Immediately following the rejection of the Keystone XL pipeline, Obama issued an executive order, mandating the construction of the Keystone XXXL pipeline, citing recent political climate change.
Latest Hillary Texting Discoveries Reported
Recent Hillary recovered online texts show she was sexting with Uma Abadine during the Benghazi attack...guess the fire that killed Ambassador Stevens wasn't hot enough for her.
Obama Faces Tough Battle In House To Pass KFC
President Obama now faces probably his toughest dining-room challenge since passage of mashed potatoes in 2009 - persuading Malia and/or Michelle to pass the fried chicken (KFC).
According to the Daily Mail, the forthcoming yogurt apocalypse will be started by the seventy third series of Great British Bake Off.
Alphabetically, the Daily Mail will always be on the far left of The Guardian, and The Independent.
Keith Chegwin is to have a new show on Radio Three - Cheggers plays Dvorak.
Mr Johnson, again
Now that the Labour leader election has been won, we can move onto more important things, like beating the conservatives says Boris Johnson.
When asked how much Zoe Ball might be paid if she accepted an offer to co-host Top Gear, her father Johnny said think of a number.
Ironically, he tends to wear shorts, so sales in the Jeremy Corbyn trouserpress are not likely to go up anytime soon.
Obama Issues Executive Order, Renaming Political Parties
The Democratic party shall be referred to as "The Supreme Democratic Party", while the Republican party shall be called "The Repuglican Order of Christian Taliban Douche-bags".
V&A to display Corbyn's suit.
In spite of turning down Baroness Thatcher's clothes the V&A museum is to display a suit belonging to Jeremy Corbyn. "Corbyn's suit will illustrate the modern tramp, next to one of Chaplin's Costumes"
Obama Issues Executive Order Mandating That Ex-Cons Be Hired For All Federal Jobs
President Obama announced today that a new Executive Order has been issued, requiring that former convicts be hired for all federal government jobs.
Merkel invites Pink Floyd to open the new WALL!
It seems Angela Merkel will erect a modern version of The Berlin Wall and thought it would be a grand idea if Pink Floyd opened the ceremonies, sadly Syrian President Assad was not invited!
UK Older Persons Groups Press For Urgent Legislation To Address Term Time Holidays
'They can't stop pushy parents taking children on term time holidays,' said a spokesman, 'so we need legislation to ensure that if kids are at resorts in term time, the little bastards remain quiet.'
Hurricane Patricia Disappoints Cable News Networks
NOA forecasters say Hurricane Patricia has crossed into Mexico and has caused little damage, dashing the hopes of cable news networks.
Exclusive - Gaz and Charlotte hate their lives, Trapped
The Geordie Shore pair can't even remember if they're bucking any more and just want the drink-spew-cry cycle to end.
"I was nice looking when this started" puked Charlotte through her hair, crying
China loses its (golf) balls!
Chinese Communist party has banned its 88 million members from joining golf clubs, instead they are allowed to invest their capitalist earned bucks in promoting the noble sport of Polo, hypocrites!
Dead Astronauts on Mars
Nasa's Curiosity Rover has found dead astronauts on Mars. Fifteen bodies in total. An Australian tourist is thought to be among them.
Hitler not Austrian, he was a Palestinian!
Israeli PM, Nut-anayuh, has claimed Hitler was really a Palestinian undercover agent employed by Nazis to burn all Jews in hell! Modern-day German Nazis have just declared war on Israel!
EPA Formally Declares Humans are Danger to Environment
The United States EPA announced today that humans threaten public health and the environment.
Channel tunnel brought to a standstill by fleeing Brits!
Brits fleeing their land of hope and glory through the Channel Tunnel have created Cameron's last stand and no Red Indians will be there to save his scalp!
Koala Found Thinking Koala-Like Thoughts
A koala was today accused of infamy, chewing gum and thinking koala-like thoughts, when it dropped from its tree from pure eucalyptus pleasure
Jesus to Release Hot New Mixtape
Jesus Christ, son of God, is expected to release $atan $ucks, his debut mixtape, on Friday. This highly anticipated work is in response to Lucifer's diss track, Jesus Has Long Hair and Wears a Dress.
Hook-Noses, Towel-Heads Clash Over Ancient Holy Site
Oh, wait! Is this supposed to be a NEWS section? Well, this hardly qualifies. Let me go see if the situation has changed any in the last forty years....Nope, still the same old shit!
Vilification of Sex Outlawed
Washington. Public vilification of the sex act has been banned Congress. Fifteen thousand stand-up comedians out of a job.
Wuthering Heights Remake
Warner Bros are doing a remake of the classic Wuthering Heights. Tony Blair has been asked to star as Heathcliff and J.K.Rowling as Catherine.
Martin O'Malley Suggests Winner of Second Dem Debate Decided by No-Blinking Contest
During Tuesday's Democratic Debate, Former Governor of Maryland Martin O'Malley showcased his dedication to energy conservation by limiting his blinking to a maximum of one blink every six minutes.
Ebola Sculpture for BBC World Service
A monument to Ebola is to be erected outside the BBC headquarters in London. Called "Persistence" it will be designed by Freemason Damien Hirst and built by Harland and Wolff Belfast.