Showing the very latest breaking spoof news snippets. You can use the calendar on the right to browse through the most recent breaking news snippets.

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Question from a 10 Year old.

Why are whole countries afraid of banks? Why can't they just say to them..."We'll pay you back when we can afford it. In fact, if you don't behave yourself, we may not pay you back at all." That's what my mum would say.

written by Auntie Matter, 05 May 2016
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Kanye West and Justin Bieber Announce Museums All About Them

In a coincidence, the two biggest narcissists ever announced opening museums for their fans today.

written by Al N., 04 May 2016
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Trump Will Use Basketball Lingo to Negotiate with North Korea

"I know politics and I will get through to Kim Jong-Un when I talk basketball and win his respect."

written by Al N., 04 May 2016
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How to Get Rid of Your Conscience in 2 Easy Steps.

1. Believe in a delusion called 'selflessness'.
2. Find a 'Higher Cause' to serve.

To exercise both to the max however, you may have to wait for World War Three.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 May 2016
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Cameron "Insulted".

UK Prime Minister David Cameron was "insulted" this morning when a man refusing to give his name phoned to tell him to "F*###k!! Off" A full police investigation has been launched.

written by Auntie Matter, 04 May 2016
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Jamie Vardy was abducted by aliens!!

Speedy Leicester striker, Jamie Vardy, was abducted by aliens and they transformed him from an amateur no-hoper into a world-beater! Louis van Gaal has begged Jamie for the alien address, guess why?

written by Jaggedone, 03 May 2016
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The News That's Fit to Print?

I think we're getting to the point where international newspapers, like Le Monde or the UK's Financial Times, are beginning to cover the US election in the gossip or entertainment section.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 03 May 2016
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Kim Jong-Un Demands Katy Perry Join His Pleasure Squad

Kim says that the US will be sorry if his orders aren't met. He will consider Taylor Swift instead.

written by Al N., 03 May 2016
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Trump University Receives Accreditation

It was validated by the Trump Validation and Accreditation Committee.

written by Al N., 02 May 2016
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"The Criminals Behind 9/11 Will be Prosecuted."

So, said the ghost of J.F.K who appeared recently at a seance in Hollywood. When asked "by whom?", he vanished.

written by Auntie Matter, 02 May 2016
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"Multi-Sexual": A new Sex Label for the Sheeple.

Don't fit in? In desperate need of a social label? How about "Multi-Sexual" recently 'discovered' by scientists at the Tavistock Institute. "Multi-Sexual" means Straight+Gay+Up for Lesbians, family members, quadrupeds and Japanese robots.

written by Auntie Matter, 02 May 2016
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How to Make a Suicide Bomber

Give him/her nothing to live for but DEATH. How do you do that? Hypnosis. What is hypnosis? Let me think... Was that a nuclear explosion or is there something wrong with my glasses?

written by Auntie Matter, 30 April 2016
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Big Rush on Suicide Belts

Suicide Belts for sale. USA made. Free shipment. Buy one get one free. Student Reductions. No ID required.

written by Auntie Matter, 30 April 2016
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The nation says 'Goodbye' to Nancy Reagan

"Goodbye Nancy."

written by Auntie Matter, 30 April 2016
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Wal-Mart Awards Health Insurance Coupons to Employees

Wal-Mart has issued coupons to their part-time employees for 10% off prescriptions and aspirin.

written by Al N., 29 April 2016
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Ralph Nader, Ross Perot, & Adam West to Form 3rd Party Dedicated to Defeating Trump

Jeb Bush, Mitt Romney, Bono, Cher Bono, & the Ghost of George Wallace have also expressed interest.

written by Al N., 27 April 2016
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Trump Offers to Sell Soul to Devil to Win U.S. Presidential Election

The Devil laughs maniacally, then refuses, saying, "I already own your soul, Trump!"

written by Al N., 26 April 2016
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Trump Would Let Transgenders Use Any Bathroom They Want, Even If It's Marked 'Employees Only'

He would let Caitlyn Jenner use any bathroom anywhere at any time except the ones in Trump Towers.

written by Al N., 25 April 2016
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Shakespeare... Yes It's All True.

It's official. Like most of England's greatest writers Shakespeare was in fact... Irish. From Tipperary.

written by Auntie Matter, 24 April 2016
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What to Say When Someone Calls you "a piece of shit".

"Everything passes".

written by Auntie Matter, 24 April 2016
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Obama's Blackmail

London: Will Obama be sued for blackmail over his threat that unless the UK stays in the EEC trade will cease? Sanctions are not "threats" explained Schillings Law Firm who call them "injunctions".

written by Auntie Matter, 24 April 2016
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Donald Trump Names Favorite Nut

Donald Trump's favorite nut is a walnut, but Mexico has to pay for it.

written by XRhonda Speaks, 24 April 2016
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Prince's Death. The Question Everyone is Asking.

Was the elevator going up... or down?

written by Auntie Matter, 23 April 2016
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Dippy Depp nearly Done!

Weirdo Johnny Depp and some bint he's slotting dodged 10yrs in HMP Australia for breaching quarantine rules by sneaking their pet dogs in - the Aussies said they take TERRIERIST offences seriously.

written by The Big C O Jones, 23 April 2016
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North Korea Rejects Flint Water for Labor Camps

"It is better to not have the Flint water here-we have discovered no one will drink it" they said.

written by Al N., 23 April 2016
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Trump Holds 'Diversity' Council

The Donald presided over his 'Diversity' Council, consisting of his various children from his numerous tribal wives. Not much input from the offspring, though as the Chief bellowed on as usual.

written by Trinculoman, 23 April 2016
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Trump Will Revive The Apprentice TV Show to Choose His Cabinet Members

The losers have to take cabinet posts.

written by Al N., 22 April 2016
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Trumpaprompter

Donald Trump, I hear, is getting a teleprompter. Now we'll hear even more of the best words.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 21 April 2016
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Ireland. What Can't be Taxed?

The Irish Government having imposed 'water charges' on its rain-sodden citizens is now considering an Air-Tax.

written by Auntie Matter, 20 April 2016
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EU Referendum. The Illusion of 'Democracy'.

Your pound will be worth shit, the cost of living will go up and you'll be driven into debt as your income tax increases. Still, you are free to opt out. That's 'democracy'. Isn't it?

written by Auntie Matter, 18 April 2016
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Bernie Sanders Breaks Precedent and Demonstrates His Vision

Campaigning in Brooklyn, Bernie broke with custom & washed his only pair of underwear in the East River.Pounding on his skivvies with rock, he showed how we'll all do laundry in his Socialist utopia.

written by Trinculoman, 18 April 2016
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Emperor Calls For More Rubah-Dub-Dub

His Supreme Wetness, Barack I, ensconced in the Royal Hot Tub, sent Queen of Sheba S Rice out for a bigger sponge to rub away the fresh imprint of the Russian Mig that buzzed the Tub.

written by Trinculoman, 18 April 2016
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Swinging Prince Harry promises the Obama's a royal swing!

After their luxurious dinner at Kensington Palace, Prince Harry, has promised the Obamas an "after swing party" in Soho. Barack just cannot wait to see his missus "swinging" with Bojo!

written by Jaggedone, 18 April 2016
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Trump Says Syrian Refugees Can Use Bathroom and Visit Gift Shop And Then Must Go Home

Donald Trump commented on the state of Syrian refugees while attending a waterboarding symposium.

written by Al N., 17 April 2016
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Schillings Deny Claim

Notorious law firm Schillings of London have denied that over 80% of the fraudsters mentioned in the Panama Papers are on its books. "False, untrue and unsubstantiated," said their spokesman, Neil Blair.

written by Auntie Matter, 17 April 2016
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House of Commons to be Outsourced

The project funded by the IMF was announced by CEO Herr Hobbama: "MPs are only party reps," he explained."Governance is best left to professionals."

written by Auntie Matter, 17 April 2016
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BBC WORLD NEWS HEADLINES

William and Kate ate papadams in Delhi yesterday. William ate two. Kate could only manage one.
The Home Office has bought a cat.

written by Auntie Matter, 16 April 2016
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Trump Would Legalize Crack In Order to Rid the World of It

"It's so genius I'm shocked no one's done it before! We give 'em crack but make crack PIPES illegal"

written by Al N., 16 April 2016
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Bill Cosby's Lawyers Have 50 Women Who Knew Bill and Were Never Attacked by Him

"I even accepted drinks from him with no problem" said one. "This proves I'm not guilty!" said Bill.

written by Al N., 15 April 2016
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Amendment to The Patriot Act

WASHINGTON: An amendment to The Patriot Act 2001 has been rushed through Congress. Any Jew criticizing Israel will henceforth be guilty of antisemitism and possible treason.

written by Auntie Matter, 14 April 2016
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LA STD Clinic Copying Bernie Sanders.

A STD clinic in LA is copying Bernie Sanders campaign slogan to advertise its services. "Feel the burn? Freestdtest.org." Makes sense because just like STDs, Bernie's campaign is popular on campuses.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016
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Jeb Bush Motivational Speaker

Jeb is going back to giving speeches after his attempt for the Republican nomination. He is a very talented motivational speaker, because after you listen to his story, you feel great about yourself.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016
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Supreme Court Vote on Banning This Male Enhancer

The SCOTUS today voted to ban Bill Clinton's Miracle Male Enhancer because it only works when around the subject is near blue dresses and fails when the male's spouse is around.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016
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House Speaker Paul Ryan Quits

Ryan issued a statement ruling himself out as a replacement candidate at a contested convention. Things are bad in the Republican Party when people who aren't even running are dropping out of the race

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016
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Kasich Speaks in NY

John Kasich gave a 30-minute speech in New York City. Afterwards, the crowd applauded Kasich and then put $8.34 in his hat.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016
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Bill Clinton In The Bronx

Bill Clinton was in the Bronx campaigning for Hillary yesterday, and visited the "Hebrew Home for the Aging." While Hillary actually went there to drop off Bernie Sanders.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016
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GOP

GOP n A multivalent acronym for the Republican Party which stands for Grand Old Party, Generally Obstructionist Pricks, Grumpy Old Poopers, God's Own Party, and Grand Obsolescent Party. Archaic.

written by Matt Birkenhauer, 11 April 2016
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Cameron on Poverty

"Poverty" is not a dirty word."

written by Auntie Matter, 11 April 2016
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Cameron not alone in his tax-free haven!

It seems that the worst form of satirical scumbag, Jaggedone & his dreaded CIA (Google it) can compete with Cameron by depositing his wealth under a sweaty Panama Hat. And you can vote for him too!

written by Jaggedone, 11 April 2016
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Cameron Used A "Buy One Get One Free" Offer in Asda To Avoid Contributing Money To The UK Retail Economy

'There will be more revelations,' warned another lazy journalist, 'as we uncover more entirely normal financial dealings that can be made to look to the gullible like financial irregularities.'

written by Swan Morrison, 10 April 2016
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