Funny story: Jurrasic Park Patrons Cite Law of Diminishing Returns

Jurrasic Park Patrons Cite Law of Diminishing Returns

Jurassic Park, the dinosaur animal preserve on Isla Nublar located west of Costa Rica has been receiving complaints by patrons who have made multiple trips to the park. "It's pretty much the same experience every time," stated Robert Bakker, a fre...
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Wal-Mart Workers Must Pay Higher Taxes For War

Senate and Congressional candidates held a joint news conference today where they warned that ISIS and other terrorists would soon cross the border with Mexico. "We'll all be murdered in our beds, " said Republican candidate for the N.H. senate seat...
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Flash crash: rogue trader charged with one c*unt of spoofing

New York - A British trader who manipulated the stock market causing a $750bn crash is facing extradition to the USA charged with wire fraud, ten c*unts of commodities fraud, ten c*unts of commodities manipulation and one c*unt of spoofing.. He de...
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Funny story: Goldman Sux's Lloyd Blankfein 'struggling' at $2m per annum less than Chevron CEO John Watson

Goldman Sux's Lloyd Blankfein 'struggling' at $2m per annum less than Chevron CEO John Watson

New York - The Off-the-Wall-Street banker pulled in a reported $24million in 2014 compared to Chevron CEO John Watson who pocketed a well-earned $26m. Well done, John, you earned it. Considering. Now impressive as those numbers might sound to...
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Funny story: McDee's To Test New "Make-It-Yo-Damn-Self" Locations in L.A.

McDee's To Test New "Make-It-Yo-Damn-Self" Locations in L.A.

Los Angeles, CA - In an effort to keep up with the times and not slide down the grease sewer of bankruptcy, McDonald's is rolling out implementation of their latest marketing gimmick. "We've poured hundreds of millions of dollars into this project...
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Chipoltes Bans Employees From Getting Inoculated

DENVER, CO - Chipoltes's Co-Chief Executive Officer, Monte Moron, announced today that Chipoltes will no longer employ anyone who has been inoculated. That announcement came on the heels of Chipoltes huge public-relations success of banning geneti...
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'Fifty Shades of Grime' makes record sales

A new light fiction novel is going like hot - cakes World - wide, with record Translation Sales in Switzerland. The novel presents sexy , middle - aged people's bedroom romps and their household cleaning habits. The Protagonist, Felicity , is a...
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Funny story: Flaw spotted in new Apple iWatch - Unexpected "Wank Dialling"

Flaw spotted in new Apple iWatch - Unexpected "Wank Dialling"

Santa Clara, CA- Apple acknowledged today a basic malfunction in its IWatch and says a fix is in the works. "It wank dials," said James Bender, Executive Vice-President of Product Design. iWatch owners who masturbate while wearing the watch...
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Breaking News...

Kelly Carlin Revises George Carlin's List of Words You Can't Say on TV

George Carlin's only daughter, Kelly Carlin, has updated her father's famous list of the "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television".
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Funny story: Donald Trump Threatens to Stop Air Traffic Everywhere as He Buys Sky

Donald Trump Threatens to Stop Air Traffic Everywhere as He Buys Sky

New York, NY In a revenge move precipitated by the Palm Beach county airport rerouting their plane lines over his mansion, Donald Trump has bought the sky. His first move is to restrict all air traffic from using his sky. The Supreme Court quickly...
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Funny story: Major US retailers endanger customers with fraudulent, dangerous products

Major US retailers endanger customers with fraudulent, dangerous products

Putting profit over integrity, four major U. S. retailers have potentially endangered the health of millions of their customers, New Yawk's state attorney general whines. The retailers, identified as Wally World, Wally Green's, Bull's-Eye, and G &...
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Funny story: Apple Stores Reject Apple Pay in Favor of CurrentC

Apple Stores Reject Apple Pay in Favor of CurrentC

Apple Computers, Inc. has announced that the Apple Stores, being a brick and mortar retailer, have joined the MCX (Merchange Customer Exchange) and will follow in Walmart's footsteps by no longer accepting Apple Pay. "Walmart is the world's larges...
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Funny story: Monsanto Seeks to Genetically Modify Food Labeling Laws

Monsanto Seeks to Genetically Modify Food Labeling Laws

Food industry giant Monsanto has announced that it will seek to genetically modify proposed food labeling laws so as to make them better able to withstand the powerful Monsanto-produced insecticide Roundup. In recent years, Monsanto has expended...
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Funny story: Dizney World: it's not for everyone, not anymore

Dizney World: it's not for everyone, not anymore

ORLANDO'S BLOOM -- For millions of Americans, times are hard, but, apparently, Mickey Mouse could care less. He has ordered Dizney World admission ticket prices to skyrocket to a whopping $1,500--not per family, mind you, but per "guest," inc...
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Funny story: iToons Shows Apple Logo Biting Android Robot in Crotch

iToons Shows Apple Logo Biting Android Robot in Crotch

CUPERTINO, CA - In an apparent act of retaliation, Apple's Itoons website displayed the Apple logo biting the Android robot in the groin area. Earlier today, on the Google map of Rawlpindi, Pakistan, there was an image of an Android robot relievin...
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Funny story: Bill Cosby to Be on Next Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice

Bill Cosby to Be on Next Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice

New York, NY Donald Trump was pleased to announce today that Bill Cosby would be one of the celebrities on his next show. Others will include Michael Richards and Paula Deen. "Dr. Cosby has requested that we make a few changes to our original for...
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Funny story: Donald Trump Tries to Crash Meeting Between Bill Gates and Warren Buffet-Made to Wait All Day in Lobby

Donald Trump Tries to Crash Meeting Between Bill Gates and Warren Buffet-Made to Wait All Day in Lobby

New York, NYDonald Trump was left sitting in the lobby at the BOSS lobby (short for Billionaire's Organization to Surmise Shit) today, the equivalent of having to sit at the "little kid's table" at Thanksgiving. Apparently, the big boys like Warre...
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j.w.
j.w.
Joined: 04 June 2010
Stories Written: 841

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