Funny story: GPS-enabled Cryptographer Limited Edition all the rage as inventor launches 12mph electric suitcase

GPS-enabled Cryptographer Limited Edition all the rage as inventor launches 12mph electric suitcase

Changsha, China - A deluxe version of an inventor's motorised suitcase on wheels was launched today aimed at the lucrative international Security Services market. According to a New China Toast press release the 'Lock Up N Go' invention is the br...
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Friday the 13th Full Moon roller coaster countdown for beleaguered NewsCorpse chief

New York - The last time a full moon occurred on Friday the 13th, in October 2000, Rupert Murdoch was sitting pretty in his NYC NewsCorpse HQ confidently predicting Al 'Weird Al' Gore was just daze away from being elected the next President of the U...
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Jackson's Neverland estate a $100m fracking teardown

Los Olivos, California - Executors marketing Michael Jackson's estate have received a $100m bid for Neverland from reclusive Colorado Springs entrepreneur 'Mr F Racking'. Described by Forbes That's Rich! list as a self-made mover 'n' shaker Racki...
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Funny story: Donald Trump Announces Plans to Purchase The Alphabet

Donald Trump Announces Plans to Purchase The Alphabet

New York City, NY - Donald Trump has announced that he intends to buy the English alphabet and expects the deal to close before the end of July. Wall Street investors largely ignored the announcement, having become used to what are generally seen...
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Funny story: Local Businessman Commits Suicide After It Took Him 16 Minutes To Save 14%

Local Businessman Commits Suicide After It Took Him 16 Minutes To Save 14%

Bloomington, IL - A Bloomington man was found dead yesterday, apparently the victim of a fatal self-inflicted paper cut. Lowell D. Ductible, a senior accountant with Smith & Wesson, was found in the family room of his home by his live-in lands...
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DC law firm brought to its knees as $475million paycheck becomes $15million fine

Washington DC - A famous Washington law firm that was on a 5% rake-off of a $9.5billion Ecuadorian pollution judgement is licking its wounds tonight after coughing up a $15million settlement to the litigation adversaries it had hoped to fleece. DC...
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Can't We Focus On All The People Who Didn't Die From Smoking? Beg Tobacco Companies

Leading tobacco companies and cigarette makers are asking the public not to focus on the dangers of smoking but to switch their thoughts to the millons of people who smoked but did not die from smoking related illnesses. "Not everyone dies from ca...
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Funny story: 'We kicked Donziger's ass good and proper' Chevron tells shareholders meeting

'We kicked Donziger's ass good and proper' Chevron tells shareholders meeting

Midland, Texas - The world famous Rogues Gallery at Midland's Permain Basin Petroleum Museum got a horrible new addition this week as racketeering New York lawyer Steven Donziger was finally inducted into its corruption rankings. Acclaimed by the...
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Breaking News...

Ferguson Police to Lay Off 3 Black Officers

Ferguson Police say that their experiment to hire black police officers to stem the violence in the predominantly black city has failed. They will lay off all black officers and not hire any more.


 
Funny story: The Power of Advertising

The Power of Advertising

ShamWOW! What do you think of when you hear this word? Is it the famous infomercial for super-absorbent towels? If so, those marketers are doing something right. They have engrained that word into viewers' heads through exaggerating almost every elem...
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Funny story: Inflation Has Pushed Price of "Your Thoughts" to 9.5 Cents: Most Thoughts Not Worth The Investment

Inflation Has Pushed Price of "Your Thoughts" to 9.5 Cents: Most Thoughts Not Worth The Investment

Wall Street - Economic inflation has pushed the price of "your thoughts" to nine and a half cents ($0.095) and most investment experts agree that it is usually an extremely bad investment yielding not only no actual positive return, but it has the po...
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Funny story: CNN Desperately Looking for New Big Story

CNN Desperately Looking for New Big Story

Rival news station CNN, otherwise known as the Cable News Network, has just announced it is actively searching for a new Story of Maximum Importance. What's that? Well, in recent years, CNN's preferred broadcast technique is choosing just one piec...
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Funny story: Falklands In Argentinian Government Bonds Rescue

Falklands In Argentinian Government Bonds Rescue

The British Falkland Islands are now the new owners of all Argentina's Government bonds, infrastructure shares, mining and commodity stock after an anticipated IMF approved rescue plan was implemented at 6.00 hrs this morning. The move is expected t...
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Funny story: McDonald's Shareholders Meeting Disrupted by Nanny-State Protesters

McDonald's Shareholders Meeting Disrupted by Nanny-State Protesters

Chicago- CEO Don Thompson was challenged and often shouted down by some insistent and disruptive shareholder meeting disrupters. A belligerent Debbie Bipolaria, representative of Mothers United in Parental Neglect, accused McDonalds of using popul...
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Funny story: Wallmark to Introduce New Line of Sympathy Cards for Victims of Gun Violence

Wallmark to Introduce New Line of Sympathy Cards for Victims of Gun Violence

KANSAS CITY, MO---The NRA, ever vigilant against liberal, extremist groups who want to take away citizens' right to bear arms, now has an enemy's list. In addition to Wallmark Cards, among its many targets are Britney Spears, the YWCA, AARP, B'nai B...
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Funny story: Hellfire Bank loses Argentina license

Hellfire Bank loses Argentina license

New York - Five billion dollars of the Pope's private funds are about to go up in smoke after his Manhattan-based hedge fund, the Hellfire Bank, lost its Argentinian banking licence. Along with His Holiness's five billion bucks. Hellfire has b...
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Funny story: Stores Fill Shelves With Crap In Preparation For Father's Day

Stores Fill Shelves With Crap In Preparation For Father's Day

Thousands of frantic Walmart, Target and K-Mart employees are busy stocking shelves this evening with useless and utter shit in preparation for Father's Day, as kids around the country begrudgingly delve into their pocket's to buy Dad something he do...
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Nate John Won
Nate John Won
Joined: 28 September 2009
Stories Written: 10

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