Funny story: Extend Your Shitty, Meaningless Existence With the Nutrirocket Food Extractor!

Extend Your Shitty, Meaningless Existence With the Nutrirocket Food Extractor!

The Nutrirocket food extractor is the latest, most scientifically-proven way to extend one's painful, lost existence indefinitely. Thanks to the most innovative in 21st century euphemisms, we have magically turned a 40 dollar blender into a $120.00 (...
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Donald Trump Announces Plans to Purchase The Alphabet

New York City, NY - Donald Trump has announced that he intends to buy the English alphabet and expects the deal to close before the end of July. Wall Street investors largely ignored the announcement, having become used to what are generally seen...
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Mary Jane Cosmetics Donates Pink Cadillac to Pygmies in Ituri Forest

A spokeswoman for the Mary Jane Cosmetics Company who have listed their write-off donations for tax purposes has sent a brand new Pink Cadillac to the "Little People" who make it all possible. "I bet these little guys eyes will lit up like little...
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Funny story: Apple buys again - acquires Texan doorbell company

Apple buys again - acquires Texan doorbell company

It is reported the Apple Inc has just bought a door bell company in Southern Texas for what they are insisting is a bargain price of 43 trillion US Dollars. Inside information has revealed that CEO of Apple, Tim Cook has big plans for the small do...
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Funny story: Can't We Focus On All The People Who Didn't Die From Smoking? Beg Tobacco Companies

Can't We Focus On All The People Who Didn't Die From Smoking? Beg Tobacco Companies

Leading tobacco companies and cigarette makers are asking the public not to focus on the dangers of smoking but to switch their thoughts to the millons of people who smoked but did not die from smoking related illnesses. "Not everyone dies from ca...
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Progressives' Shopper Mart - The Premier E-tailing Site for Fully Enlightened Ideologues

Here are some of the most desired items for those of you in elite political cliques who know who you are and espouse only the most enlightened ideas of utopian thought. Shop today and impress your friends at the next exclusive cocktail party! These...
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Local Businessman Commits Suicide After It Took Him 16 Minutes To Save 14%

Bloomington, IL - A Bloomington man was found dead yesterday, apparently the victim of a fatal self-inflicted paper cut. Lowell D. Ductible, a senior accountant with Smith & Wesson, was found in the family room of his home by his live-in lands...
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Funny story: Fluffy Bunnies' Warning to Whole Foods: "We Will Avenge Little Loppy's Murder"

Fluffy Bunnies' Warning to Whole Foods: "We Will Avenge Little Loppy's Murder"

Fluffy bunnies have flash mobbed a Los Angeles Whole Foods Market believed to be the location of the graphic video aired last week in which "Loppy" the lop-eared bunny got lopped. Rumors that Loppy (or what was left of him) was being stored in the fr...
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Breaking News...

Obama... Ordinary like us.

Yesterday, President Obama was refused entry into a restaurant for not wearing a tie and later fined for double parking and... ordered to return his library books... and thrown off a tram...and...


 
Funny story: Sen. Sherrod Brown charged with conflict of interest

Sen. Sherrod Brown charged with conflict of interest

WHAT'S THE BEEF, OH -- Elected to represent the not-so-great state of Ohio, U. S. Senator Sherrod Brown (a Democrat, of course) has been charged with a conflict of interest. Apparently, while supposedly representing Ohio, the politician is also re...
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Funny story: Facebook wikipedia entry broken

Facebook wikipedia entry broken

Facebook refused to comment recently when an embarrassing mistake was made in their official wikipedia entry. The mistake has been fixed up now but drew countless giggles from the far flung corners of the globe. The entry listed their illustrious...
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Funny story: Hellfire Bank loses Argentina license

Hellfire Bank loses Argentina license

New York - Five billion dollars of the Pope's private funds are about to go up in smoke after his Manhattan-based hedge fund, the Hellfire Bank, lost its Argentinian banking licence. Along with His Holiness's five billion bucks. Hellfire has b...
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Funny story: Thefts reveal retail giant's plans to sell "adults-only items"

Thefts reveal retail giant's plans to sell "adults-only items"

BUG TUSSLE, AK -- Despite its treatment of its employees, many of whom receive minimum wages and no health or other benefits, Mallwart has the reputation, whether deserved or not, of being a "family-friendly" retailer. However, in the wake of rece...
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Funny story: Inflation Has Pushed Price of "Your Thoughts" to 9.5 Cents: Most Thoughts Not Worth The Investment

Inflation Has Pushed Price of "Your Thoughts" to 9.5 Cents: Most Thoughts Not Worth The Investment

Wall Street - Economic inflation has pushed the price of "your thoughts" to nine and a half cents ($0.095) and most investment experts agree that it is usually an extremely bad investment yielding not only no actual positive return, but it has the po...
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Funny story: Pig pigs out at "Drunken Donuts"

Pig pigs out at "Drunken Donuts"

WHEN PIGS FLY, NJ - Police officers are famous for their fondness for doughnuts, and, recently, one of Winslow Township's finest showed his appreciation of the sweets in dramatic fashion--by ramming his cruiser--actually, an SUV--through the front wi...
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Funny story: Bear Lying in a Hammock Offered a Job

Bear Lying in a Hammock Offered a Job

He was relaxing and minding his own business when the photo went viral. The bear has told friends he fails to see why it's such an oddity. "What's so interesting about seeing someone relax in a hammock?" he asks. A major hammock maker thought i...
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Funny story: Upstate Pizza: "We're not related to Upstate Urology"

Upstate Pizza: "We're not related to Upstate Urology"

Upstate Pizza and Subs of Troy, NY clarified yesterday that they weren't related to Upstate Urology, another establishment, located in another part of town, and using the same name as the sub and pizza shop. David Grushim, proprietor of the eat...
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Cal Jennings
Cal Jennings
Joined: 15 April 2007
Stories Written: 331

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