Funny story: GM finds the cause of its ignition switch debacle

GM finds the cause of its ignition switch debacle

Detroit - Rabbits' feet have proven to be unlucky for what used to be the world's largest car maker. The key chain charms have been fingered by General Motors engineers as the cause for sudden ignition shutdown that could affect millions of vehicles.
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I Just Bought My Own Drone, And Man Is She a Pretty One!

JERSEY CITY, N.J. - I went online and ordered my very own drone in late July. I purchased the thing from Military Drone Leftovers from the Desert Wars Dot Com. Man, it sure is a pretty thing, too. I guess it originally was a flat black, but b...
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Extend Your Shitty, Meaningless Existence With the Nutrirocket Food Extractor!

The Nutrirocket food extractor is the latest, most scientifically-proven way to extend one's painful, lost existence indefinitely. Thanks to the most innovative in 21st century euphemisms, we have magically turned a 40 dollar blender into a $120.00 (...
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Funny story: Women Get Advice On Fox On How To Succeed

Women Get Advice On Fox On How To Succeed

A Fox & Friends segment on Monday warned women looking to succeed in business "not to raise their voices" and not to talk too much. Fox News host Steve Doocy introduced Sylvia Ann Hewlett, author of "Executive Presence." She suggested that w...
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Funny story: Bill Gates Threatens World Domination

Bill Gates Threatens World Domination

Silicon Valley, CA-Self-described "richest English-speaking mother^%$@!er in the world" billionaire Bill Gates today announced that he's tired of acting like a philanthropist and administering the Melinda and Bill Gates Foundation and instead will st...
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Supreme Court Rules Corporations Can Do Whatever They Want

The U.S. Supreme Court ruled today that corporations, especially ones closely held by very rich people, will have no restrictions whatsoever in whatever they do. "We have been heading in this direction for a long time" spoke Chief Justice John Rob...
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Wireless Carriers Want to Add "Mauled By Rabid Raccoon" to Terms of Breaking Contract

Washington D.C. - A conglomeration of the country's six largest wireless carriers are lobbying the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) to allow them to add "Mauled by rabid raccoon" to the consequences to a consumer of breaking the contract they...
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Funny story: Falklands In Argentinian Government Bonds Rescue

Falklands In Argentinian Government Bonds Rescue

The British Falkland Islands are now the new owners of all Argentina's Government bonds, infrastructure shares, mining and commodity stock after an anticipated IMF approved rescue plan was implemented at 6.00 hrs this morning. The move is expected t...
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Breaking News...

Fire Brigade Called To Shopping Mall Bathroom As Hand Drier Pins Woman To Ceiling

A new generation of super-powerful hand driers were criticised yesterday after a woman was blown to the ceiling while drying her face. The Dison Mk.2 Tornado driers were being recalled yesterday.
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Funny story: Twitter Birdies Go On Shopping Spree

Twitter Birdies Go On Shopping Spree

"Shop till you drop" doesn't apply only to humans. Twitter birdies, bored with their usual endeavors, have taken to shopping. Boy, have they taken to shopping! During the last few weeks, the best stores on Fifth Avenue in NYC have been packe...
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Funny story: Sporting Goods Chain Refuses to Pay for Employees' Boner Pills

Sporting Goods Chain Refuses to Pay for Employees' Boner Pills

Self Righteous Sporting Goods Corporation recently announced that their employee health plan will no longer cover medication for erectile dis-function (ED) unless the employee is married, Christian, and seeking to procreate. The closely-held retail c...
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Funny story: Friday the 13th Full Moon roller coaster countdown for beleaguered NewsCorpse chief

Friday the 13th Full Moon roller coaster countdown for beleaguered NewsCorpse chief

New York - The last time a full moon occurred on Friday the 13th, in October 2000, Rupert Murdoch was sitting pretty in his NYC NewsCorpse HQ confidently predicting Al 'Weird Al' Gore was just daze away from being elected the next President of the U...
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Funny story: Stores Fill Shelves With Crap In Preparation For Father's Day

Stores Fill Shelves With Crap In Preparation For Father's Day

Thousands of frantic Walmart, Target and K-Mart employees are busy stocking shelves this evening with useless and utter shit in preparation for Father's Day, as kids around the country begrudgingly delve into their pocket's to buy Dad something he do...
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Funny story: Jackson's Neverland estate a $100m fracking teardown

Jackson's Neverland estate a $100m fracking teardown

Los Olivos, California - Executors marketing Michael Jackson's estate have received a $100m bid for Neverland from reclusive Colorado Springs entrepreneur 'Mr F Racking'. Described by Forbes That's Rich! list as a self-made mover 'n' shaker Racki...
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Funny story: Fluffy Bunnies' Warning to Whole Foods: "We Will Avenge Little Loppy's Murder"

Fluffy Bunnies' Warning to Whole Foods: "We Will Avenge Little Loppy's Murder"

Fluffy bunnies have flash mobbed a Los Angeles Whole Foods Market believed to be the location of the graphic video aired last week in which "Loppy" the lop-eared bunny got lopped. Rumors that Loppy (or what was left of him) was being stored in the fr...
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Funny story: Wal-Mart Workers Must Pay Higher Taxes For War

Wal-Mart Workers Must Pay Higher Taxes For War

Senate and Congressional candidates held a joint news conference today where they warned that ISIS and other terrorists would soon cross the border with Mexico. "We'll all be murdered in our beds, " said Republican candidate for the N.H. senate seat...
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Funny story: Sour-ass Rockefellers swoop on Chevron's cast-off renewables

Sour-ass Rockefellers swoop on Chevron's cast-off renewables

Wall Street, NYC - Punch-drunk on 30 years of pimping up the global warming hoax descendants of oil tycoon John D Rockefeller made yet another strategic move to shore up their dwindling asset base last week. Brokers handling Chevron Corp's renew...
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Bryan McManus
Bryan McManus
Joined: 22 February 2010
Stories Written: 13

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