Written by Ossurworld
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Friday, 22 February 2013

Alonzo Dennard has been convicted and will not collect $200 even if his piece was the recently retired Monopoly iron.

Unlike the New England Patriots, the Boston Red Sox cannot get arrested. Patriot players routinely seem to end up in the judicial system, whereas players on the Red Sox are more likely to end up on the waiver wire if they break the law.

Worse yet, the Patriots are often convicted as in the case of Alonzo Dennard who punched a police officer in the nose and has been found guilty.

Whether the Patriot player pays his debt to society in the hooze-gow only the Nebraska judge can tell. We doubt that Dennard will be sentenced to Boys Town where there is no such thing as a bad boy.

We have discovered since the innocent days of Father Flanagan that there are plenty of bad boys, usually in the thug mode. Mickey Rooney is no longer the gold standard of bad boys.

Dennard may be of a similar stripe as the au courant thugster. In fact, he may be wearing stripes instead of a Patriot uniform when next season rolls around.

There is no way to tell if the forward-looking penal system of Nebraska still has a road gang. Dennard played especially well on the road.

In the past there have been Patriots who punched their wives or girlfriends (or both) in the nose, but few have shown such downright stupidity as Dennard. His action betrayed the predictive power of the Wonderlic score.

He scored 35, which is a couple of rungs above some quarterbacks. Perhaps he threatened to punch the scorer.

Now the dice have been rolled, and the Monopoly game better have a "Get Out of Jail Free" card for him. For assaulting an officer of the law, Dennard has at least escaped the dreaded franchise tag likely forever. We hope has a free card from the Patriot Community Chest.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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