Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 9 February 2013

image for Country Music Shocker! Dolly Parton Getting Divorced
Regarding the rumors of an intimate relationship between her and Derek Hough, Dolly said, "They're not true, dammit!"

WATERLOO, Iowa - Dolly Parton, 66, showed that she can still sing with the best of them as she performed to a standing room only crowd at The Crop Rotation Convention Center in Waterloo.

Parton performed all of her hits including "Jolene," "I Will Always Love You," "You Might Brand Your Cattle, But You Ain't Brandin' This Heifer," and "Here You Come Again,"

Dolly, who has more hair than any country female singer in history, was interviewed by Buck Yazoo with Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine.

He asked her about the rumors coming out of Tennessee that she and her husband of 46 years, Carl "Asphalt" Dean were heading for splitsville.

Dolly got a tear in her eye and said that the cornfield allergies were getting to her like a sweet, naive, backwoods girl snuggling up to a fast talking city slicker.

She told Yazoo that back on Pumpkin Patch Day (January 13) Carl told her that he wanted a divorce.

When she asked him why he replied "Well sugar plum, it's kinda like this. Hell I ain't seen you in 11 months. Shucks, I've even forgotten how irksome and annoying your high-pitched giggling at the dinner table can be."

Dolly said that she promised him that she will take a break from playing concerts and return home to cook his meals, darn his socks, tickle his fancy, and churn his butter.

Carl asked her where in the hell his fancy was located.

Parton giggled like a little San Fernando Valley school girl and said that she'll just have to show him at least twice a day.

SIDENOTE: So as of now, it appears that one of country music's longest marriages may be heading for the rocks or as the eight times married Elizabeth Taylor used to say after each divorce, "Well so much for that chapter."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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