Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 22 February 2013

image for Earth needs giant condom says UN Office for Outer Space Affairs, Flings, Bits-on-the-Side and One-Night Stands
Watch out, Earth, here comes some Martian ejaculate!

New York - In a week dominated be Brits' meatier fears in the whorseflesh contamination scam and 'a steroid' attack on Southern Russia the UN's dedicated Outer Space Affairs agency says it's time to get tough on unprotected alien sex.

"We need to wrap Earth in a giant rubber to keep out pesky space ejaculate," a spokesperson for Ban Ki Dark-Side-Of-The Moon commented, "even if our Martian friends are only shooting blanks."

The prophylactic could shield Earth against sudden spewings of greenhouse gases that occur during the sun's coronal mass ejections.

These produce huge bursts of solar wind during anal - er...annual! - conjunctions with Uranus - not something to be sneezed at if you're a hapless astronaut downwind on the International Space Station.

"Alternatively we could smother the Earth's Van Allen Belt with a space spermicide," Ban Ki-Moon's spokesperson added, "a few trillion zillion gallons of algal scum should do it.

"Of course some of our Californian Eco-freaks might do their nut."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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