Written by DP Whitehead
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Tuesday, 5 February 2013

image for Local Man Experiences Super Bowl Blackout
Man

Wisconsin man Elliot Holmes experienced his own personal Super Bowl blackout during Sunday's big game and is wondering "what the hell happened?" after waking up in a pool of vomit and urine, his trousers down to his ankles and his dog whimpering in a corner hours after the last play was made.

"All I remember is one minute watching Beyonce dancing with her sisters when all of a sudden I blacked out" explained Holmes "I have no idea what happened."

Luckily Holmes' girlfriend of four years, Monica Rica, was able to pinpoint the events leading up to her partners blackout and was quick to post on her Facebook a detailed account of what transpired.

Her last status update on the social networking site revealed: "Elliot began drinking at around noon on Sunday, he consumed several beers, two bottles of wine, a bottle of vodka and I believe he may have also stolen some of my Xanax. When I arrived at his place just as the half time show was ending I caught him with his pants down, masturbating furiously in the direction of the TV...and Beyonce. I threw his dog at him. Suffice it to say the wedding is OFF and please cancel your travel arrangements if you were planning to come to the church next Saturday."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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