Funny story: Labour shadow cabinet minister apologises for spray painting a phallic symbol on a Rochester voter's wall and tweeting a photo of it

Labour shadow cabinet minister apologises for spray painting a phallic symbol on a Rochester voter's wall and tweeting a photo of it

Labour front bencher Seely Kau today expressed "regret for any offence I may have caused" after tweeting a photograph she had taken of a Rochester UKIP voter's house on which she had spray painted a phallus. Ms Kau, who lives in a £3 million house...
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UKIP triumph in Rochester & Screwed

Kent - A British far-tight party has swept to orifice in a K*nt by-election won by some turncoat ex-Tory twat. Mark Feckless, 69, won the Rochester and Screwed by-election by 2,920 votes after coming second in a previous Pole. Uh, poll. UK Prim...
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Bear necessities now include a chauffeur in Russia

In a shock report from the University of Novosibirsk, Russia, it has been found that just 1% of Russian brown bears now own 60% of territory in the country. Inequality of bear wealth has increased sharply since the fall of communism. The report gi...
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Funny story: Queen and Prince Philip Keep Location a Secret to Hide from Charles and Camille

Queen and Prince Philip Keep Location a Secret to Hide from Charles and Camille

London, UK It was leaked by Buckingham Palace that the reason that no one knows where the Queen and Prince Philip are holidaying is that they wanted to go somewhere where Charles and Camilla can't locate them. "I don't want ONE MORE holiday ruined...
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Funny story: Councillor Resigns Over "Parasites" Tweet

Councillor Resigns Over "Parasites" Tweet

A late night tweet by Dr. Bernard-Fortesque-SmallPeace of the Council for the Rehabilitation of Bloodsucking Creatures, labelling tapeworms as good for nothing parasites has upset the Society for for symbiotic organism equality. Dr. Fortescue-S...
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Robot Butchers wins pie making award

Archibald Braithwait is a 3rd generation master butcher however he has been gazumped by his 5th generation robot butcher in this years annual pie making awards held in Edinburgh. Braithwait & Sons & Son introduced technology to their butc...
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Most Xmas Turkeys Ready Now Due To Global Warming

A glut of enormous fat turkeys in Norfolk is a result of early ripening due to global warming, our Christmas fowl correspondent was told by the Bishop of Norfolk this morning. This is the second year running that the church has got it wrong since mo...
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Funny story: Kippers flounder over Euro-footy plaices

Kippers flounder over Euro-footy plaices

Nigel Farage has always been more of a coelacanth - an extinct fossil - than a bream come true. But now his "whaling" threatens the flying fish of his populist campaign as a cod-right winger. But enough fishy metaphors. UKIP members - commonly ref...
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Breaking News...

Fire Brigade Called To Shopping Mall Bathroom As Hand Drier Pins Woman To Ceiling

A new generation of super-powerful hand driers were criticised yesterday after a woman was blown to the ceiling while drying her face. The Dison Mk.2 Tornado driers were being recalled yesterday.
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Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Island Too Long. E.U. To Shorten It By 3.45 Km.

Isle of Wight News - Island Too Long. E.U. To Shorten It By 3.45 Km.

The Isle of Wight has fallen foul of E.U. regulations by being above the mandatory 65 mile maximum length for a British Isle. The Isle, famous for its Rock Festivals and sequence dancing has steadfastly refused to lop 2 miles from its length, even th...
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Funny story: Isle of Wight Latest - New Airport Terminal Name Is Leaked

Isle of Wight Latest - New Airport Terminal Name Is Leaked

The new flagship £5000 Isle of Wight Bembridge airport terminal is to be named T.8 in an official ceremony tomorrow according to leaked documents. The product of ten years of planning, expensive ground breaking engineering achievements and dogged det...
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Funny story: Labour Announce 'Glass of Water Tax' to fund NHS

Labour Announce 'Glass of Water Tax' to fund NHS

Westminster was reeling earlier today when the Labour Party announced that, if elected, they would be taxing glasses of water to fund the NHS. "This follows on from yesterday's TV programme, where Myleene Klass criticised our Mansion Tax proposal,...
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Funny story: European Court rules that Germany can put Illegal Immigrants onto the next European Space Shuttle

European Court rules that Germany can put Illegal Immigrants onto the next European Space Shuttle

A Landmark decision by the European Court that allows European governments to send Illegal Immigrants into Outer Space on the European Space Shuttle has been welcomed by the British and German governments. The ruling concerns a family of twenty seven...
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Funny story: Vladimir Putin's Planned Erection Of New Berlin Wall

Vladimir Putin's Planned Erection Of New Berlin Wall

Though Vladimir Putin got away with annexing Crimea, crushing Georgia, is in the process of smashing Chechnya and invading the Ukraine (in a obvious attempt to recreate the old Soviet Union) he is now setting his sights on East Germany with plans for...
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Funny story: Japan to sink to bottom of the ocean after leak in Kyoto found

Japan to sink to bottom of the ocean after leak in Kyoto found

The nation of Japan is panicking after it was discovered that the country had sprung a leak late last night and could sink to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. The leak was found by Shinji Ono, a credit controller from Kyoto who said he found it in hi...
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Funny story: Maverick RAF Cock Drawing Pilot shows some bollocks this time!

Maverick RAF Cock Drawing Pilot shows some bollocks this time!

RAF Lossiemouth confirmed to the The Daily Nettle today, that one of their most daring pilots, Flight Lootenant Wing Commander Flight Captain Viceroy Gordon 'Goose' Maverick, has been carpeted by station big-wigs for the second time in a week, after...
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Funny story: ISIS Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi holds secret meeting in Mosul to consider new avenues on to the world stage

ISIS Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi holds secret meeting in Mosul to consider new avenues on to the world stage

In a stunning development that bodes well for world peace as we approach this Christmas time, world famous football team Manchester United has revealed a recruiting drive aimed at Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, head of ISIS. A representative of Manchester...
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Bryan McManus
Bryan McManus
Joined: 22 February 2010
Stories Written: 13

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