Written by Ducksley
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Thursday, 14 February 2013

It's a battle between grandma-like storytellers and masseuses with soft, alluring voices and warm hands, and in the smack in the middle is federal judge Henroid P. Geezle. He is tasked with deciding whether the storytellers or the masseuses have the legal right to use the term Happy Ending.

The storytellers, a group consisting mainly of soft-spoken elderly women, most of whom are library volunteers, say the term has a rich literary history. "Oh honey, almost all children's books going back hundreds of years have a happy ending. It's not fair that these naughty tramps are trying to take it from us," said Elziria "Gramma Elzie" Storch, who reads to kindergartners.

But masseuse Brandi Ohhahhhh disagrees. "Tell Myrtle that times change," she said, smacking her gum. "Happy ending means something different now. How 'bout Mary Poppins and the other grannies butt out and just go back to saying "The End" and then closing the friggin' book?"

Judge Geezle's decision is expected within the next week. "I sure don't envy him," said attorney Winston Dick. "Whichever way he goes, he's going to piss off somebody. If I were him, I sure wouldn't piss off the grannies."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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