Written by DP Whitehead
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Wednesday, 27 February 2013

image for Pope Snags Job As Wal-Mart Greeter
Welcome To Wal-Mart

Soon-to-be former Bishop of Rome, Successor of St. Peter, Head of the College of Bishops, Vicar of Christ, and Pastor of the Universal Church: Pope Benedict XVI has snagged a new part-time job as a Wal-Mart greeter at a superstore in Raleigh, North Carolina.

On Thursday, at 8 p.m, Benedict will become the first retired pontiff in 600 years to be officially employed by the retailing giant.

Benedict or "Ben" according to his new Wal-Mart employee name tag, will join the 1000's of other elderly and semi-retired greeters and receipt checkers who are employed by Wal-Mart to just stand around and cause massive delays when you leave the store, and to sit, staring blankly into space, when you arrive.

The current leader of 1.2 billion Catholics around the globe will leave his seat at the ornate Apostolic Palace and swap his throne for an uncomfortable stool on Friday morning, he will shed his white robes and don the trademark blue Wal-Mart waistcoat, comfortable slacks and extremely cheap and nasty sneakers, as often worn by greeters.

Ben says that working at Wal-Mart will "keep me busy and out of trouble" and also provide a little pin money that will enable the former pontiff to continue to partake of his favorite hobby, waving and nodding.

Wal-Mart spokeswoman Bella E Z Bubb said "He will be a natural, he can nod, wave, looks like he is about to fall asleep at any moment and we can barely understand a word he says, which means he will fit right in!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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