Written by DP Whitehead
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Topics: Old People, Senile

Friday, 1 February 2013

image for Bone Idol Garbage Collectors Chastised By Senior
Frank Walker 1927-2013 (RIP)

Frank Walker is furious. He claims he is "sick to death" of lazy garbage collectors who pick up his trash from the residential care home where he has resided for the last 5 years.

So furious is Frank that he has organized a protest of what he calls "a work shy attitude that is appealing" and next Tuesday he and 12 other residents of the Hypoluxo Home for Seniors will demonstrate their anger by tutting loudly and giving scathing looks to these so called 'workers'.

"God dam lazy ass kids of today" yelled Frank, his voice fraught with anger and hatred, the venom of disdain clearly audible in his voice.

"These bastards come here and collect our trash and garbage once a week! It is ridiculous, they then take six days off, no doubt sat at home listening to the wireless or drinking hard liquor. The garbage here could be collected everyday, it is not like they are busy. In my day we worked 80 hour weeks and had enough time left over to beat the wife, frighten the kids, tinker with our cars and spy on the neighbors!"

Lester Pickworth, a spokesman for Drysdale waste management services, contracted to collect the garbage from Frank's abode, dismissed the retired salesman's rant as 'the ramblings of a senile old fool'.

"He has written to me 548 times in the past 2 years and I have explained, many, many times, that my guys work 5 days a week, that we have multiple routes and just because we collect his trash on a Tuesday, every Tuesday, it doesn't mean we don't collect trash and garbage from other locations, within the county, on other days. He just doesn't understand."

Frank though refuses to accept Pickworth's explanation.

"I don't believe him, he is a go dam commie, liberal, pinkie bastard and one of the reasons this country is going down the tubes!"

Sadly, minutes before this article was sent to press Frank Walker died of complications arising from his hunger strike which he began in protest of the US Post Office, who he claimed only worked 5 minutes a day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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