Written by DP Whitehead
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Topics: shoes, Culture, Subway

Thursday, 7 February 2013

image for Unassuming Man Insults Iranian On Train
They should Be Banned!

An Iranian man visiting The Big Apple is set to sue the New York Subway system after claiming he was insulted by a multitude of passengers making his journey on the underground transit system "unbearable'. He is seeking $5,000,000 in damages.

Tawfeeq Ahmadinejad, no relation to the Iranian president, described his nightmarish foray under the streets of Manhattan to reporters "I came to the United States because I heard people were tolerant and kind, however today I was the victim of grave insults. I was sat on the subway, heading to see Central Park and maybe the building where John Lennon was shot, when I noticed several passengers deliberately pointing the bottom of their shoes at me. The guy sat across from me even wiggled his foot! It was as if they were mocking me."

Tawfeeq claims he felt "humiliated".

"Everyone knows that showing the bottom of your shoe when sitting with legs up on a chair and facing another person, especially a person from an Arab country, is culturally unacceptable and it is considered to be a grave insult and belittling to a person," claimed insult expert John Tostwat.

A spokesman for the New York Subway system has apologized to Tawfeeq and said the company would most likely settle out of court for about $3,000,000.

However passenger Neil Funnelbury, who was sat opposite Tawfeeq claims he has no idea what the Iranian is talking about.

"I always take the subway, I read the paper and I cross my legs, just because he saw the bottom of my shoe doesn't mean I insulted him, the big nose, smelly fuck, cock sucking son of a bitch. I had pins and needles!"

Others consider Tawfeeq lucky.

"The fact he got a seat and didn't have to stand was lucky, as was the fact he wasn't pushed onto the tracks, which is common around here" tutted transit cop Kevin Dillworth.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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