Funny story: Obama orders military to battle global warming

Obama orders military to battle global warming

Top pentagon officials were quick to react in the wake of President Obama's recent proclamation to graduates of a military academy that "climate change" is a top "threat to "global security" and that military leaders who don't take appropriate action...
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The secret campaign slogan that Obama is trying to gift Hillary Clinton

Obama now says that he was misquoted by the media during the last election campaign and that his words were taken out of context. Obama claims that what all of this shows is the harmful effect on journalism that the cuts and downsizing at large Ameri...
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'A Beautiful Launderette' numbers man found RIP in back of Yellow Cab

New Jersey - A topnotch mathematician thought to have been the inspiration behind the movie 'A Beautiful Launderette' has been found in a deceased condition inside a crashed New Jersey cab. John Doe Jr and his wife Jane, both 103, were in the bac...
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Funny story: Elderly resident laments changing of the times, wishes 'cocksucker' was still popular

Elderly resident laments changing of the times, wishes 'cocksucker' was still popular

Harfold, Vt. - Harfold resident Samuel Cater, 86, pondered today the changes he's witnessed throughout the years, and he regrets seeing so much slip out of fashion. "I remember," reminisced Cater setting his Playboy aside, "when you could call som...
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Funny story: Senate undergoes conflict resolution therapy

Senate undergoes conflict resolution therapy

Today, the Senate had an unusual session. Unable to pass the Patriot Act because of divisions in the Democrat and Republican parties, the Senate agreed to hear from Prof. Wilton Carlisle, the noted psychologist and conflict resolution expert, hoping...
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Candidate Sanders picks Colonel Sanders for VEEP slot

Burlington, Vermont -- Democratic presidential candidate Bernie Sanders has selected deceased fast food mogul Col. Harlan David Sanders as his vice presidential running mate. Asked to describe the "flavor" of their campaign, Col. Sanders said: "It...
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Clinton's secret Benghazi emails discovered

Yesterday, this reporter--and I'm not going to tell you how I did it--hacked Hillary Clinton's email account: H@Gmail.com/top secret/Benghazi. No wonder she wanted to keep this away from prying eyes and perspicacious newspaper people,like me. T...
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Funny story: Ayn Rand Zoo Opens, Closes, on the Same Day

Ayn Rand Zoo Opens, Closes, on the Same Day

IRVINE, CA--The new Ayn Rand Zoo, located in the same city that houses the Ayn Rand Institute and funded solely by private donors like Sheldon Adelson and Koch Industries, opened--and closed--last Wednesday in what Objectivist philosopher Leonard Pe...
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Breaking News...

Imperial Palace Announces New Prestigious Appointment

Barack I has named Justice John Roberts as Lord Chancellor of Obamacare with specific authority to condemn all those AntiO'Carelamic terrorists to be waterboarded in perpetuity at Guantanamo Bay Keep.
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Funny story: Obama Calls Black TV Executive a 'Gawd-Dammed Frigging Pussy'

Obama Calls Black TV Executive a 'Gawd-Dammed Frigging Pussy'

After media mogul and Entertainment Studios CEO Byron Allen unloaded on President Barack Obama, calling him a 'White President In Black Face', Obama fired back, calling the black TV executive a "Gawd-Dammed Frigging Pussy". "President Obama is, at...
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Funny story: Obama Tells Americans To Remember Soldiers Who Didn't Sacrifice

Obama Tells Americans To Remember Soldiers Who Didn't Sacrifice

Washington DC - Speaking at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier, President Obama today said Americans need to recall also the massive amounts of tax dollars siphoned off hard working people by paper pushing bureaucrats in America's Armed Forces. "For...
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Funny story: Area Teenager Shocked By Penal Output

Area Teenager Shocked By Penal Output

De Bluth, Indiana - Saying he had no idea that his state had a prison furlough program, a teenage boy in Indiana called a press conference to express his "shock and dismay" at how massive his state's penal output was. "This state's penal system is...
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Funny story: Admitting Error Crafting Obamacare Legislation, Obama Asks Congress To Revise Law Using "More Explicit Language"

Admitting Error Crafting Obamacare Legislation, Obama Asks Congress To Revise Law Using "More Explicit Language"

Washington DC - President Obama told reporters today that rising health care premiums "are indeed a problem" and "might stem from Congress delegating too much authority to the executive branch bureaucracy" and writing a bill that is too "vague" in it...
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Funny story: Skull & Bones Society suspected in Yale graduate's suicide leap

Skull & Bones Society suspected in Yale graduate's suicide leap

New Haven - A seedy Yale men's wanking club whose past members include George W Bush and George H W Bush is being probed about a new suicide scandal according to QM-NewsCorpse reports. Cops have quizzed 'Boners' as Skull & Bones Society member...
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Funny story: The News (Really) Bytes - May 2015

The News (Really) Bytes - May 2015

Cleveland, Ohio Police Chief says that 71 people arrested while protesting the acquittal of a police officer who shot to death two unarmed black drivers was because "a few of them went over the line.". Of course, shooting two people 137 times is not...
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Funny story: After years of indecision, Yellen decides to do nothing

After years of indecision, Yellen decides to do nothing

Chairperson Yellen of the Federal Reserve has again played it close to the vest. Fearful of raising rates, she said, "Because it could cause an unintended glitch in the economy, I'm passing at this time." "Are you," reporter Wilma Terman asked,...
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Funny story: Wile E. Coyote Picked To Liberate Iraq From ISIS: To Head 60 Nation Combine

Wile E. Coyote Picked To Liberate Iraq From ISIS: To Head 60 Nation Combine

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a move some historians say is the equivalent of the appointment of General Eisenhower to lead the Allies against the Nazis in 1942, Wile E. Coyote was deep selected by Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter to lead the 60 nation co...
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Jack Battler
Jack Battler
Joined: 01 March 2007
Stories Written: 36

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