Funny story: The News (Really) Bytes - May 2015

The News (Really) Bytes - May 2015

Cleveland, Ohio Police Chief says that 71 people arrested while protesting the acquittal of a police officer who shot to death two unarmed black drivers was because "a few of them went over the line.". Of course, shooting two people 137 times is not...
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Skull & Bones Society suspected in Yale graduate's suicide leap

New Haven - A seedy Yale men's wanking club whose past members include George W Bush and George H W Bush is being probed about a new suicide scandal according to QM-NewsCorpse reports. Cops have quizzed 'Boners' as Skull & Bones Society member...
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Wile E. Coyote Picked To Liberate Iraq From ISIS: To Head 60 Nation Combine

BILLINGSGATE POST: In a move some historians say is the equivalent of the appointment of General Eisenhower to lead the Allies against the Nazis in 1942, Wile E. Coyote was deep selected by Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter to lead the 60 nation co...
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Funny story: After years of indecision, Yellen decides to do nothing

After years of indecision, Yellen decides to do nothing

Chairperson Yellen of the Federal Reserve has again played it close to the vest. Fearful of raising rates, she said, "Because it could cause an unintended glitch in the economy, I'm passing at this time." "Are you," reporter Wilma Terman asked,...
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Funny story: FIFA supports corruption as laissez-faire

FIFA supports corruption as laissez-faire

Amid calls for his dismissal FIFA President Sepp Blatter refused to condemn allegations of widespread corruption within soccer's governing body. FOX news reported earlier today that President Blatter strongly opposes any investigation of FIFA.
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Recently Discharged Marines Torch Quebec City

Montreal, Canada- A group of 25 recently discharged American Marines did not intend to burn down the city of Quebec when they signed up for a bus tour of the city. "We'd heard it was cool and the chicks there were totally hot in spring time," said...
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Apple Watch Time Lords launch Emergency Medical Hologram app

Cupertino, Ca - A holographic doctor first seen on Star Trek Voyager is channeling great gastro-intestinal advice at the flick of a wrist. It's the first time that engineers have managed to craft the hologram program into an Apple Watch app turnin...
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Funny story: Florida college promises No More Genital Probes

Florida college promises No More Genital Probes

Orlando, Florida - Some dirty old men at an Orlando college have been slapped with a multi-million dollar lawsuit for running a diagnostic sonography program on students' vaginas. Women studying at the Orlando Vulva Academy had been told their A-...
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Breaking News...

Kerry Deals With Hostage Crisis

A spokesman for the U.S. State Department announced that Secretary of State John Kerry has been taken hostage by Iranian terrorists and is involved in negotiations demanding his immediate release.
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Funny story: Climate changing denier deny deniers

Climate changing denier deny deniers

In a startling turn about "Slick" Jim Mason, CEO of Exxon announced that he has seen the light and is reversing his opinion on climate change. "I think," Mason said, "fossil fuels does cause global warmin' and climate change." Jim took off his cow...
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Funny story: Hillary Clinton Goes In Search Of "The Little People"

Hillary Clinton Goes In Search Of "The Little People"

Hillary Clinton set out on foot across Iowa yesterday from her Des Moine Hotel. Her goal: Find the little people everyone always talks about. "Well you don't know how people are until you actually meet them and I'm not going to step on those littl...
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Funny story: Clinton challenges Bernie Sanders to a duel

Clinton challenges Bernie Sanders to a duel

It is official. Rumored for weeks, leaked by Clinton's headquarters, it's the challenge we've all waited for: Clinton Vs Saunders. A good old fashioned duel. Parnell Crawford went on TV and at 8.00 PM announced that Clinton has thrown down the gau...
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Funny story: Kirsten Powers Dominates Other Panelists On Fox's Hannity

Kirsten Powers Dominates Other Panelists On Fox's Hannity

New York, NY - Fox's Hannity featured large breasted Kirsten Powers, who easily trounced the other panelists in debate last night. Ann Coulter, whose tits are much smaller, was much less persuasive, as were Juan Williams, a man with no tits and a...
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Funny story: The United States threatens to 'drop a nuclear bomb' on Pyangyang after claiming it was behind The Interview

The United States threatens to 'drop a nuclear bomb' on Pyangyang after claiming it was behind The Interview

The White House has issued a threat to attack Pyongyang after claiming to have proof that the government was behind the controversial Korean movie Inteobyu (English: The Interview.) The yet-to-be-released film, starring Lee Rae-song and Hong Yong-...
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Funny story: John Kerry hospitalised after copycat Bush maneuver

John Kerry hospitalised after copycat Bush maneuver

Switzerland - The US Secretary of Snakes has fallen off his bike after attempting to channel George W Bush's famous Gleneagles maneuver. 69-year old John F Kerry was in the Alps demonstrating the former US President's signature 'saddlesore' posit...
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Funny story: John Kerry denies he was doing lazy 8s

John Kerry denies he was doing lazy 8s

A little earlier today, I contacted Mass. General Hospital to check on the status of Secretary of State Kerry because of his bicycle accident. I had to pull some strings to get inside, but I managed to reach his doctor, Dr. Handleman Keurner, chie...
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Funny story: Road Runner Clones Join ISIS: ACME Forces Drop Anvils Upon Hearing "BEEP! BEEP!"

Road Runner Clones Join ISIS: ACME Forces Drop Anvils Upon Hearing "BEEP! BEEP!"

BILLINGSGATE POST: Like Homer's Sirens, who lured Odysseus with their beautiful voices of doom as he sailed off the rocks of Scylla, the "BEEP! BEEP!" emanating from the Road Runner is now piercing the morning solitude from minarets in Ramadi, luring...
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Jack Battler
Jack Battler
Joined: 01 March 2007
Stories Written: 36

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