Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 18 February 2013

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Several advocate groups in Nebraska want to ban Internet porn.

LINCOLN, Nebraska - There is presently a movement in the state of Nebraska to prevent the state's residents from viewing porn on the thousands and thousands of Internet porn sites.

Several groups are advocating the banning of these vulgarian sites as Anastasia P. Pippinpipply from Papillion has referred to the x-rated sites.

Miss Pippinpipply, who is 72, and has never been married, recently spoke with Ling Chow Rangoon of iRumors at a local Tacos, Tacos, and Mucho More Tacos Restaurant in her hometown.

She said that many people, including relatives, friends, and three neighbors have called her a prude because she has only seen a male's wiener on one occasion and that was accidental.

Pippinpipply says that she would rather be a prude than to look like this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Cover model Kate Upton, or Modern Family's Sofia Vergara, or Jay-Z's wife Beyonce.

The native of Papillion looks a lot like Ann Coulter, except way shorter, with a manlier voice, and with a bit more moustache hair.

Miss Rangoon divulged that Nassy, as her relatives call her, has the worst case of cellulite that she has ever seen including Sarah Palin, Gisele Bundchen, and Len Goodman's ex-wife Pickles.

The iRumors reporter further noted that Pippinpipply the Papillion Prude staunchly adheres to the Austrian axion that "If you've seen one, you've seen 'em all."

SIDENOTE: Sad to say for the freedom loving people of Nebraska that there are literally dozens of Anastasia P. Pippinpipply's scattered throughout the state, but early state polls are showing that the Nebraska prudes haven't got a raspa's (sno-cone's) chance in hell of getting their way.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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