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Funny story: 2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed

2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed

The GOP platform that will be ratified by the 2016 Presidential Nominating Convention is now complete. Since the last convention, selected Congressional Republicans and State Party Chairs have been diligently working. According to insider reports, these are its major points: 1. We stand for the principles of torture, particularly rectal hydration. 2. We believe that rich donors should dramat...
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Funny story: Jeb Bush Hopes To Become Second Dumbest President In Nation's History

Jeb Bush Hopes To Become Second Dumbest President In Nation's History

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. - Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush on Tuesday took his most definitive step yet toward a bid for the White House, announcing "I hope to become the second dumbest president in the history of our great nation." Bush said he plans t...
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Funny story: Forward from Interrogation Department 6B Lower Regional Hades re torture program

Forward from Interrogation Department 6B Lower Regional Hades re torture program

As part of the congressional investigation on torture released last week, new documents have appeared straight out of Earth's netherworld known as "Hell." Congressional researchers (rumored part of Senator Feinstein's office) have somehow contacte...
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Funny story: Cheney Defends Using Spoof on Prisoners

Cheney Defends Using Spoof on Prisoners

Former vice-president Dick Cheney has drawn fire from human rights activists for defending the US and the CIA using satire as an interrogation technique on Guantanamo prisoners post 9-11. Cheney says that the United States was under a high level thre...
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Funny story: CIA torturers 'mostly Skull & Bonesmen' claims secret Mossad report

CIA torturers 'mostly Skull & Bonesmen' claims secret Mossad report

Washington - A sinister cabal of Skull & Bonesmen masterminded CIA torture according to a leaked Israeli intelligence report. The Mossad Canary Juice division analysed hundreds of hours of harsh CIA irrigations - uh, interrogations. Their f...
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Funny story: Kim Jong un Is The New Face Of Anusal Pile Ointment

Kim Jong un Is The New Face Of Anusal Pile Ointment

In a break from the usual pile ointment stereotypes such as John Gudman or Robbie Coaltraine, North Korean leader, Kim Jong un has been awarded the coveted Anusal haemorrhoid advertising contract. The handsome leader is initially contracted to st...
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Funny story: Can Jeb Bush, "Romney Lite," Be The GOP Nominee?

Can Jeb Bush, "Romney Lite," Be The GOP Nominee?

Jeb Bush, the former Governor of Florida and George's brother, yesterday visited John McCain. According to an aide, who did not want his name made public, Bush asked McCain how he could run for President without pandering to the party's ultra conser...
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Funny story: Shrink paid $81m to coach CIA torturers says 'Because I'm Worth It'

Shrink paid $81m to coach CIA torturers says 'Because I'm Worth It'

Langley, Virginia - "It was no bum deal," said Professor Einstein Flintstone, a former Pentagon psychiatrist on secondment to train fledgling CIA torturers in the dark arts of rectal feeding plus other recreational crap. "And what's more that much...
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Funny story: CIA "Rectal Hydration" Raises Questions

CIA "Rectal Hydration" Raises Questions

LANGLEY, VA --CIA Director, John O. Brennan held a rare press conference today where he attempted to defend CIA torture post 9/11. Brennan, contradicting former CIA Directors, said, "It is unknowable whether useful intelligence was ever obtained...
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Funny story: GOP Defends Torture

GOP Defends Torture

The GOP today released a statement in support of "enhanced interrogation" otherwise know as torture used by the CIA. The first six points the republicans use in their support are the most significant arguments and are presented here: 1) Just a...
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Funny story: CIA Suspected of Selling "Impeach Diane CIAnstein" Bumper Stickers

CIA Suspected of Selling "Impeach Diane CIAnstein" Bumper Stickers

BILLINGSGATE POST: Diane CIAnstein, the titular head of the California Communist Party, has been asked to step down from her post as United States Senator. In an effort suspected to be bankrolled by Orange County conservatives, possibly in conjunct...
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Funny story: Calls for UK judge-led cover-up into British complicity with CIA torture

Calls for UK judge-led cover-up into British complicity with CIA torture

London - A trawl of the great and good in Britain's senior judiciary has narrowed down a list of candidates capable of bullshitting in the international premier league. Top pick for a prolonged and tortuous televised whitewash guaranteed to flush...
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Funny story: US officials will demonstrate advanced interrogation techniques "not all that bad"

US officials will demonstrate advanced interrogation techniques "not all that bad"

Announced today, Mr. Obama and Mr. Brennan (head of the CIA) will participate in experiments to show Senator Diane Feinstein's objections are "over-amped." Spokespersons maintain US advanced interrogation techniques are "not all that bad" and may...
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Funny story: Former CIA Head Defends Torture

Former CIA Head Defends Torture

Today, on the CNN show, "Today's News," the former head of the CIA, General Michael Hayden, and Harvard Professor of Ethics, Greg Stiles, squared off against one another on the issue of torture. The background of the debate centered on The Senat...
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Funny story: A Man Sacrificed his Head to Save his lit Cigarette from Raging Torrent

A Man Sacrificed his Head to Save his lit Cigarette from Raging Torrent

A man on New York streets was spotted using his umbrella to shield his lit cigarette from the pouring heavy rain completely exposing his barely haired head. According to witnesses, the umbrella the man was carrying was too small that they suspect it...
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Funny story: Obama Issues Himself A Presidential Pardon

Obama Issues Himself A Presidential Pardon

WASHINGTON -- In the wake of the Senate Select Committee Report on CIA torture showing a grisly, reckless brutality, a violation of the U.S. Constitution and the Geneva Accords, President Obama issued himself a pardon for possible illegal activities...
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Funny story: Blair fingers Bush as CIA torture files published

Blair fingers Bush as CIA torture files published

Washington AC/DC - Ghastly Poodlefaker Tony B Liar has blamed digital manipulation by his brother George Dubya Bush for leaving him up shit creek without the proverbial paddle. The rant comes as a US Senate Committee publishes its long-awaited re...
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Funny story: Obama's Tooth Fairy Screwed Grandmother's False Teeth

Obama's Tooth Fairy Screwed Grandmother's False Teeth

BILLINGSGATE POST: Milada Mae Jefferson, an 83 year-old grandmother living in Philadelphia received her mail-order false teeth from a dental supply company just last week. The poor lady had gone edentulous sometime in her late 50's and had been gum...
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Funny story: Certain 'Forces' Send In THE CHENEY To Take Care Of Lame Duck Government.

Certain 'Forces' Send In THE CHENEY To Take Care Of Lame Duck Government.

Eager to take over the U.S. government as swiftly as possible after winning major seats in the Senate and Legislature, 'certain forces' within our system have called on a specialist to rid the organization of its 'lame duck' elements. Operating in se...
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Funny story: U.S. Government to be "Outsourced" - declares Obama.

U.S. Government to be "Outsourced" - declares Obama.

With the advent of a new bill that has mysteriously made its way through Congress to become law, the U.S. government has, to many minds, permanently dissolved itself and binned its own constitution for keeps. The Bill, hastily presented and passe...
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Funny story: Peter Pan Turns Out To be A Whore

Peter Pan Turns Out To be A Whore

In mythology, the god Pan was a fertility god, most often represented as a satyr, that sexually insatiable beast of the forest. Another aspect of Pan is that of the Horned God. He was often associated with and identified with Satan. But today, "...
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Funny story: Bush Twins 'shagged the White House janitor' says Jenna Hager

Bush Twins 'shagged the White House janitor' says Jenna Hager

Washington AC/DC - "And next thing you know the guy's suddenly President," Dubya's daughter said today, "one helluva career move considering he used to mop the White House floor." Jenna Bush Hager and her twin Barbara were appearing on Wednesday n...
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Breaking News...

Santa's Grotto now to include Customer Returns Line

Unwanted Presents can now be returned over a Lapland phone - line. Elves won't man phones as headsets incompatible with Ears.
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