Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 27 February 2013

image for Ryan Seacrest Reveals The Truth About How Kristen Stewart Hurt Her Foot
K-Stew has offered RPattz this yacht if he will take her back but he says "Nopers."

REDONDO BEACH, California - Kristen Stewart was sitting in a booth at the popular Flamboyant Tortilla Restaurant.

As she sat all alone eating an order of bacon and broccoli breakfast tacos she was overheard talking to herself.

A restaurant patron in the next booth, identified as Luminosa Plumweiser, later told Bedroom Pillow Talk that K-Stew was visibly upset at the fact that ex-boyfriend Rob Pattinson is refusing to take her calls.

She muttered that she has offered him cash, a car, a yacht, and an all-expenses paid trip to Rome, Italy, but RPattz is still ignoring her.

Everyone watching the Academy Award Show wondered how she hurt her foot after she showed up on the red carpet in crutches.

Stewart said that she did not want to say because it was embarrassing.

Ling Chow Rangoon with iRumors remarked that she heard from a very close source that she had hurt it while playing leap frog in her bare feet with her upstairs maid, Gertrude "Trudy" Soursopski.

Rangoon said that another excellent source said that she may have dropped a jar of Scowl Away Cream on her foot, that she has been using lately, but that obviously has not been working very well.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I called up Ryan "Peaches" Seacrest and I asked him if he knew how K-Stew hurt her foot. Ryan told me that she was at The Tarzan & Jane Petting Zoo in Tarzana and she accidentally stepped on a female porcupine.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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