Written by Mike Gatspy
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Friday, 15 February 2013

Supermarket giant Tesdabury's has become the latest store caught up in the horse meat scandal after allegations that horse meat has been found in its "Cannibal Range" of ready meals.

A clearly shaken company spokesperson Sue Perior admitted "This is a terrible day for Tesdabury's and for the upper class in general. Wealthy people, and indeed some middle class people with pretensions, have been relying on this range ever since its introduction, not only to supply tasty meals for the servants but also as a way of controlling the unemployed classes and making them useful again"

Ms Perior was, however, quick to refute any suggestion of a danger to health. "Further tests were carried out on the horse meat and we can now reveal that it contained the DNA of Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall. Not only is she impeccably bred, but clearly no beaut," she said.

Meanwhile, following yesterday's claims that it would take 60 pure horse meat burgers a day for the levels of bute found in Fundis frozen ready-meals to be dangerous to human health, Eric Pickles is undergoing urgent tests.

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