CHICAGO - The CEO of Calendars 'R' Us, which is the largest calendar manufacturer in the world, has just stated that The 2013 All-Nude Sofia Vergara Mayan Apocalypse Calendar is having astounding sales.
Axton P. Zipplecross, Jr., the calendar company's CEO, informed the news media that Miss Vergara's calendar is outselling the second highest calendar by a 9 to 1 margin.
Miss Vergara stars as Gloria Pritchett, the trophy wife of Jay Pritchett, who is played by Ed O'Neill on the hit situation-comedy Modern Family.
Zipplecross noted that the company's number two selling calendar is The Paris Hilton 2013 Calendar.
The ecstatic CEO stated that Vergara's calendar just came out and it is already in its seventh printing.
He proudly boasted that it is the top selling calendar in 49 of the nation's 50 states.
When asked for the name of the state where the calendar is not number one, he shook his head and replied, "Arizona."
Paris Hilton was contacted at The Flamboyant Tortilla Restaurant in Marina Del Rey and asked to comment on the fact that her calendar is not selling anywhere near as well as Sofia Vergara's.
Hilton, took a sip of her Kiwi Margarita, stuck a modeling pose, and sarcastically asked, "Who is Sonya Vermouth?" (sic)
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I was quite curious about Arizona, so I called up Anderson Cooper and asked him if he knew why Miss Vergara's calendar was not number one in that state. He got back with me and said that as unbelievable as it may seem the top selling calendar in Governor Jan Brewer's state is Desert Plants of Arizona.]