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Reports of God's Death Exaggerated

Friedrich Nietzsches famous remark God is dead is one of two statements by him that have survived to shore up the foundations of what they call agnosticism...The second is....I cannot believe in a God...

submitted by Auntie Matter, 28 January 2015

A Horse Walks Into A Bar 'Sick' Jokes

A horse walks into a bar.... Barman: Why the long face? Horse: I found out this morning that I have cancer. Barman: Oh Dave, on your birthday of all days. A horse walks into a bar.... Barman: Why...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 25 January 2015

Lunchtime Disaster

Three construction workers who were working on a 90-story building in Manhattan ate lunch with each other every day. They all brought brown-bagged lunches. This sure is getting old. The same egg-salad...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 21 January 2015

That's a good wittle one percent!

Oh, does the poor wittle wealthy not want their taxes waised to help the struggling middle class? Does they not want Obama to do what presidents have done at least since the Eisenhower Adminstwation?...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 20 January 2015

Blonde Joke

Blonde goes into a library and says, Can I have a burger and fries, please? The librarian smiles and says, Lady, this is a library! Oh, sorry. Whispering: Can I have a burger and fries, please? x x...

submitted by Michael Egan, 18 January 2015

How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb? Part 2

For the question How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb? The answer truly lies in how much money the Scamatologist has. If he has enough of those Franklins, like a box full, he...

submitted by Al N., 16 January 2015

The Onion Joke

Same woman goes into a green grocer and says, Can I have pound of onions, please? The guy replies, Sorry, lady, were all out of onions right now. But if you come back tomorrow therell be plenty. Oh,...

submitted by Michael Egan, 14 January 2015

Kidleys

Woman goes into a butcher store and says Can I have a pound of kidleys, please? The butcher says, You mean kidneys. Well, thats what I said, didle I? Note (To make up for the word length.) Brevity is...

submitted by Michael Egan, 14 January 2015

"The cow's got to be from Michigan"

A farmer bought a beautiful dairy cow, a dappled black and white thing. He spent a hefty amount of money for the cow and bought it from a farmer friend in Michigan. The New Jersey farmer discovered that...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 12 January 2015

Knock knock returns!

After much encouragement I have been persuaded to meet public demand by delivering some more knock knock gems! Knock Knock Whos there? Sampson Delilah to meet you. Knock Knock Whos there? Adam Eve is in...

submitted by j.w., 06 January 2015

Just Stuff Him and Keep this Party Going!

Jupp Jupson had a wake and a flock of his friends from the Tally Ho Bar dropped by the funeral home. According to Jupps wishes in his living will, he had a wake with a couple of kegs of beer and a barrooms...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 04 January 2015

A hard one

A new angle on an old joke might be along the lines of the old what do you get when you cross A with B. For instance: Q) What do you get when you cross a sheep with a frog and some concrete? A) A woolly...

submitted by Bad Granma, 21 December 2014

Obama the famous orinthologist

Barack Obama has been outed as a bit of a bird fancier on the Secret Services Twitter account. Agents say the President sometimes enjoying private down time showing off his hobby to other bird-brained pals....

submitted by queen mudder, 07 December 2014

The Real Estate Agent

A gentleman was walking a long a row of shops, one particular business caught his eye, it was a Real Estate agency. It had a large sign outside the store saying Come in for a free appraisal The gentleman thought why not, he entered the store and saw a businessman with a phone cradled to each ear and...

submitted by Egganface, 05 December 2014

Ah, that's so CUTE!

At dinner tonight, we had a long and heated conversation over the topic of teleology--over whether, in other words, we live in a purposeful universe. When a student of 19 or 20 writes, in a paper about a horrible event that happened to him or her, Theres a reason for everything!, I just want to pat...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 26 November 2014

Which Came First

The age old joke from the chicken joke genre: For example Why did the chicken cross the road? includes the conundrum: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? To which the funniest answer I know is: Neither, the Rooster came first of course, he was no gentleman you see...

submitted by Auntie Jean, 26 November 2014

Where does Peter Capaldi shop?

Where does Peter Capaldi shop? In Aldi (CapALDI- get it?) Just typing this to bring it up to 50 words because for some reason, it has to be that long even though the joke requires a shorter word count. Is it 50 words yet? No? Damn. Just four more words....

submitted by Dalekbuster523, 23 November 2014

Gag me with a spoon

I walked into a mens clothing store and asked the sales clerk to help me pick out some neckwear. He said Id look good in a noose. I got a call from a telemarketer trying to sell me a burial plot. When I balked, he offered me a two weeks free trial. Wheel Of Fortune put my picture on its bankruptcy...

submitted by Ray Bellew, 17 November 2014

What would you call a tennis game...

What would you call a tennis game between Jose Feliciano and Stevie Wonder? Endless Love! How can you tell the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead dog in the road? Easy, the dead dog has skid marks by it! There is no greater joy than the joy you get from helping others. Al N. sincerely...

submitted by Al N., 13 November 2014

How Many North Koreans Does It Take to Screw In a Light Bulb?

How Many North Koreans Does It Take to Screw In a Light Bulb? Its not going to happen. First, there are no light bulbs in North Korea. And if there were, it wouldnt matter since there is no electricity in North Korea anyways! If you took a light bulb to North Korea, it would probably get eaten, since there...

submitted by Al N., 11 November 2014

How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb?

How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb? 6-one to write a knowledge report, one to write a knowledge report on the one writing a knowledge report, one to audit the others on the experience, one to watch out for body thetans, and one to screw in the light bulb....

submitted by Al N., 07 November 2014

"I don't know what they said"

So Horowitz and Leibenstein had to go to the funeral of their friend, Abelson, and they visited Pinkus, who owned a clothing store. They wanted to look good for the funeral and both decided theyd go in...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 03 November 2014

Plastic surgery

A Los Angeles plastic surgeon has pleaded Not Guilty to gross professional misconduct after sculpting a massive, wobbly 80 inch ass on a female patients behind. Your Honor, the lady pleaded with me to...

submitted by queen mudder, 01 November 2014

Party On!

Larry is tired of the corporate rat race, so he quits his job and moves up north into a cabin by himself. Hes happy, but a little bored after six months out in the wilderness, until a loud knocking his...

submitted by Stefano M. Stefano, 22 October 2014
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