Showing page 1 (of 579 pages)

Why Atheists Don't Blow Themselves Up

How often do you see atheists strap themselves to a bomb and then blow themselves and others up? That particular pathology seems to be one of the symptoms of theism, not atheism. Atheists are much too...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 25 November 2015

Jelly & Whipped Cream

We were invited to some really posh people for a meal. First I was offered a pair of teeth which I declined. Then it was a horse and dove which was not too bad. The wine was a wonderful shatteau dorsay...

submitted by j.w., 22 November 2015

Polish man walks into pub....

A Polish man walks into pub and asks the barman Excuse me, could you recommend a good port? The barman says Yes, Felixstowe... Now fuck off!...

submitted by dr. john leslie breaknik, 20 November 2015

Attending the Pre-event

On television (from a show on real estate): People attending the pre-event should be prepared to--Aside from the lovely alliteration here, how does one attend a pre-event? Or more to the point, when...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 25 October 2015

A Jew Dies And Goes To Heaven

A Jew dies and goes to heaven; St. Peter looks at him and says, youre a Jew, arent you? The guy goes, well yes so im a Jew already, and St. Peter goes, you never thought of us at xmas, wtf made you think...

submitted by <3 +, 16 October 2015

A Duck Walks Into A Bar

A duck walks into a bar and orders a ham sandwich and a pint - the barkeep sez holy shit, a talking duck! leave me your number,...

submitted by <3 +, 16 October 2015

Speaking Inartfully

American Political Dictionary: Inartful. This morning on This Week, State of the Nation, and other cable news shows, I heard that Jeb Bush spoke inartfully this week, and that what Kevin McCarthy said...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 04 October 2015

Gotcha Question Defined

From The American Political Dictionary gotcha question /ga-cha kwes-chen/: a question asked by an interviewer of a candidate who has no idea how to answer it, and is offended that someone should have the...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 04 September 2015

Debating Naked, on FOX

I watched the last two minutes of Dating Naked tonight. Never have I laughed so loud and long at earnest, naked people (with their privates blurred out) trying (but failing) to engage in the art of conversation....

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 20 August 2015

Head Pig

A rich arrogant man walked into a large non-profit organization. I want to talk to the Head Pig in Charge of this Trough. The receptionist was offended. Sir, if youre going to talk like that, you can just turn...

submitted by Joanie Chevalier, 09 August 2015

The Pledge of Allegiance to the Confederate Flag

To be recited before the sides of barns and bumper stickers adorning pickup trucks all over the South. I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the Confederate States of America, and to the Republic of slave owners, for...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 12 July 2015

Sex Ed 101: Faletio Advice

Chicks in heat must wait at least a split second after midnight on their 18th birthday. Fact 1: Men love to get a good blow job. Fact 2: Men hate to get their penises chafed by your teeth. Fact 3: Men love to cum in...

submitted by Dick Sheerer, 12 July 2015

A Jelly Roll Diet

A horny suburban housewife met a poor homeless man and invited him to her home for lunch. But when they got to the house she seduced him into having sex with her instead. So they went upstairs to the...

submitted by Dick Sheerer, 06 July 2015

Three Men And A Farmer

Three men were driving down a desolate country road one night and ran out of gas. They saw a farm house nearby and went there to ask for help. The farmer told them that the nearest gas station was over...

submitted by Dick Sheerer, 06 July 2015

Condom Conundrum

A guy goes in to his doctors office and says, Doc, you gotta help me. I got 14 kids and I dont want anymore. The doctor gives the guy a pack of condoms and says, Before you have sex, put these on your organ....

submitted by Dick Sheerer, 06 July 2015

The Frog and The Duck

One day a duck was flying through the sky searching for something to eat. It saw a frog hopping around on the ground and quickly swooped down and swallowed the frog. The duck took off into the air and digested...

submitted by Dick Sheerer, 06 July 2015


June 17, 2015 Republican Headquarters After Donald Trump entered the presidential race no one was surprised this morning when we received the an application from the latest entry. Its a Hoover Vacuum Cleaner....

submitted by Martin Jaeger, 17 June 2015


I phoned the wife from work this morning. Can I ask you a question? Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someones got a voodoo doll of you, and theyre stabbing it? I asked her. No I dont? she...

submitted by ExiledRoyal, 29 May 2015


A Jewish kid was sitting in the back of class rubbing his crotch, and the teacher asked, Seth what are you doing? Seth replied, Teacher, my mommy had me circumcised yesterday and it still hurts. So the...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 21 May 2015


Today is Election Day. Hi. This is Matt Levin. Im a Christian, a Conservative, Pro-life, and a husband and father of nine children, five of my own and four adopted. Although my wife and I have the wealth...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 20 May 2015

Panic Button

I get a new pair of keys for the car we recently bought. Of course, it has a panic button on it; and, confused, I press it instead of the unlock button and then that loud, annoying honking starts and...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 07 May 2015

No 69 on Joe Biden's list of gaffes

Vice President Biden has denied endorsing Hillary Clinton for her 2016 presidential run. The womans got terrible civil liberties issues, the Veep suggested. Including the worlds worst record on human...

submitted by queen mudder, 17 April 2015

Contemporary Quotes

When JK Rowling was asked what she most enjoyed reading, she said, My royalty statements. If at first you dont succeed, try reading the instructions. - St Manual of Ikea. Thats one small step for man,...

submitted by Mark McKirdy, 15 April 2015

Theoretician v Practician ?

The Scientists are very smart and unordinary people. But what is the difference between Theoretician and Practician ? Here is the answer ! 1. When Theoretician DO NOTHING Everyone thinks that HE IS THINKING....

submitted by Happy Data Scientist, 29 March 2015
Showing page 1 (of 579 pages)

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