Jokes
Generous Banker
A person trying to raise money to help the local community approached a Banker....
Texting Class
There was a group of women at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, How many of you love your husbands? All the women raised their hands....
NASA cocktail bar
A fight broke out at an upmarket cocktail bar on the Dark Side of the Moon tonight after some alien VIPs complained the decor, lighting and general ambience was crap....
Elegy, for Helen Steiner Rice
Helen Steiner Rice is dead....
The Confession of a Thief
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. For years, Ive been stealing building supplies from the lumberyard where I work....
"Imagine" Re-imagined by the Tea Party
Imagine Re-imagined by the Tea Party...
Caught for a second time
My boss called me into her office the other day. She told me it was totally unacceptable that I should be caught masturbating at my desk. It had horrified my co-workers....
"I Once Led a Charmed Life!"
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. So, hows life been for you? Ed asked. Not too good, Ted replied. My first wife died of...
Bigger Ones
I do the water and sewer billing for a small city in Washington state. Customers complained about our postcard-sized bills, which they said looked too much like junk mail. So we decided to start sending...
Vampires
A couple of thirsty vampires decide to raid a NHS blood bank after a long drought of their favorite O Negative tipple. Cant stand the A and B Positive Groups myself, one bloodsucker tells his pal, always...
I Can't Believe It!
Two women meet in the Supermarket. Have you heard what the religious people are saying? No. What have they come up with now? Well, I suppose you have heard about a Virgin Birth? Virgin on the ridiculous. Only...
Aviation joke
Irishman is flying a commercial jet airliner from London to Dublin. As he approaches home, he requests permission to land from the control tower. Permission denied comes the response from the airport authorities. The pilot cant believe his ears as its a fine day and theres...
Typing in My Dorm on a Blurry Morning
Typing in My Dorm on a Blurry Morning Whose words these are I think I know. His essays on the web, although He will not mind me typing here To fill my paper up with snow. My roommate now must think it queer To watch me type without a beer Or joint or shot or Adderall- The...
10 Made Up facts About Beyonce
1. Beyonce is the sister of 1980s snooker legend Tony Knowles, who shot to fame beating defending champion Steve Davis 10-1 at the Crucible in 1982. 2. Rather like Michael jackson and La Toya in the 90s, you never see Beyonce and Tony Knowles in the same room at the same time....
Knock knock
Knock Knock Whos there? Madam Madam who? Madam foot got caught in the door Knock Knock Whos there? Harry Harry who? Harry up and open the door! Knock Knock Whos there? Doris Doris who? Doris shut Knock Knock Whos there? Smelly Smelly who? Smelly poo Knock Knock Whos there? Penny...
NCIS The Movie
The team travels to the UK amid reports that a high-ranking US Navy rear admiral on vacation in London has been killed in a multiple fatalities asteroid attack. However at a Top Secret briefing officials suggest the deaths, including the US two-star flag officers, might actually be...
Pussies
A girl noticed she was growing hair between her legs so she asked her mother about it. That hair growing is called your pussy her Mum told her. The girl told her friend Ive got a pussy growing between my legs. Her friend replied: Thats nothing. My pussy is already drinking milk....
A Difficult Decision
I was called into the Bosss Office and I knew it was bad news. Weve got to cut down on staff and I know how good you are at handling difficult problems he said. Well, we have Barbara who is our best worker and Jack who has a wife and family I replied Ill see what I can do. The next day...
A Last Wish
A plane got into trouble and was clearly going to crash. A young woman decided she wanted a last wish and quickly removed all her clothes. Is there a Man here who can give me something to make me feel like a Woman? she cried. This bloke jumped up and removed his shirt. Here you are,...
Olympic Condoms
I discovered a really good set of condoms for sale called Olympic Condoms. They were in three colours - naturally Gold, Silver and Bronze I called on my girl friend to tell her the news. OK she said what condom will you be wearing tonight? Gold, of course! Why not try Bronze she said...
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