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Awesome Joke

A horse walks into a bar and orders himself a vodka and tonic, the barman pours it and continues wiping glasses....

submitted by D P Whitehead, 28 February 2015

A positive moonbeam for the soul -

A wise man told me he had one wish and one wish only....

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 14 February 2015

Marvin Gaye

The Motown singer was asked about the inspiration behind his hits and named President Obamas favorite vacation hot spot of Marthas Vineyard where he relaxed by turning his attention to animal husbandry....

submitted by queen mudder, 12 February 2015

Knock Knock Joke

Knock Knock Whos there? Its the police. The police who? Listen, we havent time for this. We just came to tell you that your wife has been injured in a car accident and your presence is required at the hospital........

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 February 2015

A Horse Walks Into A Bar.....

A horse walks into a bar and immediately panic ensues. Several customers vacate the premises, observing the potential danger the situation poses but unfortunately three drinkers are trampled to death....

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 February 2015

Proud Democrat

Proud To Be Democrat first grade teacher in the Midwest is explaining to her class that she is a Republican and how nice it is that a new Republican president has taken office.She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Republicans and support George Bush.Everyone in class raises their hands except one little girl.Mary, says the teacher with surprise, why didnt you raise your hand?Because Im not a Republican, says Mary. Well, what are you? asks the teacher.Im...

submitted by kilo914, 01 February 2015

What's the difference between a Taliban Outpost and a Afghanistani School?

Whats the difference between a Taliban Outpost and a Afghanistani School? I dont know I just fly the drone. Youll laugh if you love black...

submitted by kilo914, 01 February 2015

Reports of God's Death Exaggerated

Friedrich Nietzsches famous remark God is dead is one of two statements by him that have survived to shore up the foundations of what they call agnosticism...The second is....I cannot believe in a God...

submitted by Auntie Matter, 28 January 2015

A Horse Walks Into A Bar 'Sick' Jokes

A horse walks into a bar.... Barman: Why the long face? Horse: I found out this morning that I have cancer. Barman: Oh Dave, on your birthday of all days. A horse walks into a bar.... Barman: Why...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 25 January 2015

Lunchtime Disaster

Three construction workers who were working on a 90-story building in Manhattan ate lunch with each other every day. They all brought brown-bagged lunches. This sure is getting old. The same egg-salad...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 21 January 2015

That's a good wittle one percent!

Oh, does the poor wittle wealthy not want their taxes waised to help the struggling middle class? Does they not want Obama to do what presidents have done at least since the Eisenhower Adminstwation?...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 20 January 2015

Blonde Joke

Blonde goes into a library and says, Can I have a burger and fries, please? The librarian smiles and says, Lady, this is a library! Oh, sorry. Whispering: Can I have a burger and fries, please? x x...

submitted by Michael Egan, 18 January 2015

How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb? Part 2

For the question How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb? The answer truly lies in how much money the Scamatologist has. If he has enough of those Franklins, like a box full, he...

submitted by Al N., 16 January 2015

The Onion Joke

Same woman goes into a green grocer and says, Can I have pound of onions, please? The guy replies, Sorry, lady, were all out of onions right now. But if you come back tomorrow therell be plenty. Oh,...

submitted by Michael Egan, 14 January 2015

Kidleys

Woman goes into a butcher store and says Can I have a pound of kidleys, please? The butcher says, You mean kidneys. Well, thats what I said, didle I? Note (To make up for the word length.) Brevity is...

submitted by Michael Egan, 14 January 2015

"The cow's got to be from Michigan"

A farmer bought a beautiful dairy cow, a dappled black and white thing. He spent a hefty amount of money for the cow and bought it from a farmer friend in Michigan. The New Jersey farmer discovered that...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 12 January 2015

Knock knock returns!

After much encouragement I have been persuaded to meet public demand by delivering some more knock knock gems! Knock Knock Whos there? Sampson Delilah to meet you. Knock Knock Whos there? Adam Eve is in...

submitted by j.w., 06 January 2015

Just Stuff Him and Keep this Party Going!

Jupp Jupson had a wake and a flock of his friends from the Tally Ho Bar dropped by the funeral home. According to Jupps wishes in his living will, he had a wake with a couple of kegs of beer and a barrooms...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 04 January 2015

A hard one

A new angle on an old joke might be along the lines of the old what do you get when you cross A with B. For instance: Q) What do you get when you cross a sheep with a frog and some concrete? A) A woolly...

submitted by Bad Granma, 21 December 2014

Obama the famous orinthologist

Barack Obama has been outed as a bit of a bird fancier on the Secret Services Twitter account. Agents say the President sometimes enjoying private down time showing off his hobby to other bird-brained pals....

submitted by queen mudder, 07 December 2014

The Real Estate Agent

A gentleman was walking a long a row of shops, one particular business caught his eye, it was a Real Estate agency. It had a large sign outside the store saying Come in for a free appraisal The gentleman thought why not, he entered the store and saw a businessman with a phone cradled to each ear and...

submitted by Egganface, 05 December 2014

Ah, that's so CUTE!

At dinner tonight, we had a long and heated conversation over the topic of teleology--over whether, in other words, we live in a purposeful universe. When a student of 19 or 20 writes, in a paper about a horrible event that happened to him or her, Theres a reason for everything!, I just want to pat...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 26 November 2014

Which Came First

The age old joke from the chicken joke genre: For example Why did the chicken cross the road? includes the conundrum: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? To which the funniest answer I know is: Neither, the Rooster came first of course, he was no gentleman you see...

submitted by Auntie Jean, 26 November 2014

Where does Peter Capaldi shop?

Where does Peter Capaldi shop? In Aldi (CapALDI- get it?) Just typing this to bring it up to 50 words because for some reason, it has to be that long even though the joke requires a shorter word count. Is it 50 words yet? No? Damn. Just four more words....

submitted by Dalekbuster523, 23 November 2014
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