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Obama the famous orinthologist

Barack Obama has been outed as a bit of a bird fancier on the Secret Services Twitter account....

submitted by queen mudder, 07 December 2014

The Real Estate Agent

A gentleman was walking a long a row of shops, one particular business caught his eye, it was a Real Estate agency. It had a large sign outside the store saying Come in for a free appraisal The gentleman thought why not, he entered the store and saw a businessman with a phone cradled to each ear and...

submitted by Egganface, 05 December 2014

Ah, that's so CUTE!

At dinner tonight, we had a long and heated conversation over the topic of teleology--over whether, in other words, we live in a purposeful universe. When a student of 19 or 20 writes, in a paper about a horrible event that happened to him or her, Theres a reason for everything!, I just want to pat...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 26 November 2014

Which Came First

The age old joke from the chicken joke genre: For example Why did the chicken cross the road? includes the conundrum: Which came first, the chicken or the egg? To which the funniest answer I know is: Neither, the Rooster came first of course, he was no gentleman you see...

submitted by Auntie Jean, 26 November 2014

Where does Peter Capaldi shop?

Where does Peter Capaldi shop? In Aldi (CapALDI- get it?) Just typing this to bring it up to 50 words because for some reason, it has to be that long even though the joke requires a shorter word count. Is it 50 words yet? No? Damn. Just four more words....

submitted by Dalekbuster523, 23 November 2014

Gag me with a spoon

I walked into a mens clothing store and asked the sales clerk to help me pick out some neckwear. He said Id look good in a noose. I got a call from a telemarketer trying to sell me a burial plot. When I balked, he offered me a two weeks free trial. Wheel Of Fortune put my picture on its bankruptcy...

submitted by Ray Bellew, 17 November 2014

What would you call a tennis game...

What would you call a tennis game between Jose Feliciano and Stevie Wonder? Endless Love! How can you tell the difference between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead dog in the road? Easy, the dead dog has skid marks by it! There is no greater joy than the joy you get from helping others. Al N. sincerely...

submitted by Al N., 13 November 2014

How Many North Koreans Does It Take to Screw In a Light Bulb?

How Many North Koreans Does It Take to Screw In a Light Bulb? Its not going to happen. First, there are no light bulbs in North Korea. And if there were, it wouldnt matter since there is no electricity in North Korea anyways! If you took a light bulb to North Korea, it would probably get eaten, since there...

submitted by Al N., 11 November 2014

How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb?

How Many Scamatologists Does It Take to Screw in A Light Bulb? 6-one to write a knowledge report, one to write a knowledge report on the one writing a knowledge report, one to audit the others on the experience, one to watch out for body thetans, and one to screw in the light bulb....

submitted by Al N., 07 November 2014

"I don't know what they said"

So Horowitz and Leibenstein had to go to the funeral of their friend, Abelson, and they visited Pinkus, who owned a clothing store. They wanted to look good for the funeral and both decided theyd go in...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 03 November 2014

Plastic surgery

A Los Angeles plastic surgeon has pleaded Not Guilty to gross professional misconduct after sculpting a massive, wobbly 80 inch ass on a female patients behind. Your Honor, the lady pleaded with me to...

submitted by queen mudder, 01 November 2014

Party On!

Larry is tired of the corporate rat race, so he quits his job and moves up north into a cabin by himself. Hes happy, but a little bored after six months out in the wilderness, until a loud knocking his...

submitted by Stefano M. Stefano, 22 October 2014

Three Nuns At A Ball Game

Three nuns went to a baseball game to cheer on the home team. Unfortunately, three boisterous, loud, drunk fans for the visiting team sit behind them. The home team is winning, and the men are getting...

submitted by Stefano M. Stefano, 19 October 2014

Twelve Percent of Body Builders

Scientists from all over the world have collected and released important data about body builders, and the results are amazing. Scientific data shows that only twelve percent of women find body builders...

submitted by Stefano M. Stefano, 17 October 2014

How dare she?

My next door neighbour had the temerity to knock on my front door to ask for my help claiming that her sink was blocked. Then she...

submitted by Paxton Quigley, 12 October 2014

Sterile

I visited by wife after she had twins. A boy and a girl dressed in blue and pink. I picked up the little girl and was about to kiss...

submitted by j.w., 05 October 2014

"Converts Needed"

So Goldstein and Shapiro were taking a walk after a hearty lunch of pasta and meatballs in Little Italy and the two passed a Roman Catholic Church with a big sign in front that read Converts Needed -...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 29 September 2014

Bum rap

An airport worker at one of Americas largest package delivery companies has pleaded Not Guilty to stealing a $160,000 diamond before trading it for a $20 bag of weed. 20 year-old Wally Morrison said...

submitted by queen mudder, 28 September 2014

This Is Britain

THIS IS BRITAIN How Things Were The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks hes a fool,...

submitted by MooMoo Supercat, 28 September 2014

One Armed Irishman

One armed Paddy is playing Father Christmas in the full outfit, green suit, green beard and a green toy bag. As he gets on top of the roof, a big drift of snow dislodges...

submitted by Auntie Jean, 23 September 2014

Islamic State secret weapon

The Pentagon has received intelligence that Islamic State insurgents have launched a lethal new submarine squadron in Baghdad. Written in weird Persian hieroglyphics the...

submitted by queen mudder, 06 September 2014

British hospitality website

Remember when booking a stay at a British hotel that theyll charge you for extras such as towels, sheets and toilet paper. Customers paying by credit card can have it deducted...

submitted by queen mudder, 03 September 2014

Boris the father

Boris Johnson was in a south Hampstead suburb, during the mayoral election, and this very attractive, relatively middle-aged woman came to the door and said: Boris, good to see...

submitted by Auntie Jean, 28 August 2014

Drink

I had a terrible day. When I got to work I was hauled in front of the Director and dismissed for something I had not done. I had not done any work for a while. Then I caught a...

submitted by j.w., 19 August 2014
Showing page 1 (of 579 pages)


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