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"Converts Needed"

So Goldstein and Shapiro were taking a walk after a hearty lunch of pasta and meatballs in Little Italy and the two passed a Roman Catholic Church with a big sign in front that read Converts Needed -...

submitted by Samuel Vargo, 29 September 2014

Bum rap

An airport worker at one of Americas largest package delivery companies has pleaded Not Guilty to stealing a $160,000 diamond before trading it for a $20 bag of weed. 20 year-old Wally Morrison said...

submitted by queen mudder, 28 September 2014

This Is Britain

THIS IS BRITAIN How Things Were The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks hes a fool,...

submitted by MooMoo Supercat, 28 September 2014

One Armed Irishman

One armed Paddy is playing Father Christmas in the full outfit, green suit, green beard and a green toy bag. As he gets on top of the roof, a big drift of snow dislodges...

submitted by Auntie Jean, 23 September 2014

Islamic State secret weapon

The Pentagon has received intelligence that Islamic State insurgents have launched a lethal new submarine squadron in Baghdad. Written in weird Persian hieroglyphics the...

submitted by queen mudder, 06 September 2014

British hospitality website

Remember when booking a stay at a British hotel that theyll charge you for extras such as towels, sheets and toilet paper. Customers paying by credit card can have it deducted...

submitted by queen mudder, 03 September 2014

Manchester United Likely Formation

After Manchester Uniteds activity in the transfer market in the past few days and weeks, this is the likely set-up that Louis Van Gaal will use;...

submitted by Talking Tic-Tacs, 03 September 2014

Boris the father

Boris Johnson was in a south Hampstead suburb, during the mayoral election, and this very attractive, relatively middle-aged woman came to the door and said: Boris, good to see...

submitted by Auntie Jean, 28 August 2014

Drink

I had a terrible day. When I got to work I was hauled in front of the Director and dismissed for something I had not done. I had not done any work for a while. Then I caught a...

submitted by j.w., 19 August 2014

Obama the Pothead

A high school teacher who tutored Barack Obama says he never initially suspected the student was a stoner. At first I thought this guys just incredibly thorough and painstaking when...

submitted by queen mudder, 15 August 2014

The Holy Man

One morning an Imam in Tehran entered his temple to do his morning service. On the floor in front of him lay a dishevelled prostitute who addressed herself to God as follows: Dear God...

submitted by Auntie Matter, 14 August 2014

Cliff Richard bust

Police have raided Cliff Richards Sunningdale apartment following a tip off. An anonymous caller said cleaners had found something utterly horrible stuffed behind the shadows of the singers...

submitted by queen mudder, 14 August 2014

Russian divorce

A Russian fertility doctor has been named as co-respondent in an ugly divorce case. Mr Boris Rasputin claims his sub-fertile sperm sample was switched by the doctor for the embryologists own...

submitted by queen mudder, 11 August 2014

Pick Up

I went to pick up my grandmother from the station but she was too heavy. I used a pick up truck but it picked the wrong person. My pick-up said she had had enough of me because of my pickled...

submitted by j.w., 11 August 2014

Kiddie Fiddler Cousin

I was shocked to discover today that my cousin is a kiddie fiddler! Kevin is 7 years old and very proficient at playing the violin. We are all very proud of him. What? Oh, you thought he was...

submitted by D P Whitehead, 10 August 2014

Jewish landlords

A whole Palestinian village is in the dock for not paying any rent for the past two years. Their spokesman tells the judge its not their fault because nobody ever billed them for the money. But...

submitted by queen mudder, 09 August 2014

Obama's Iraq blitz

President Obama receives intelligence about heavy drinking by Iraqs warring Islamist militants. He summons the Joint Chiefs of Staff who confirm reports of mass drunkenness in Baghdad last week by...

submitted by queen mudder, 08 August 2014

Two Limericks

As an occasional versifier from Kentucky, Im ashamed of the partial birth limerick that Senator Rand Paul delivered at Saturdays Fancy Farm Picnic. (To Sen. Pauls credit, however, you can tell he didnt...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 07 August 2014

Obama's Birthday

The Presidents Physician gets a 3am phone call from Barack Obama who thinks he overdid it celebrating his birthday. Symptoms include feeling spaced out, sweaty and terrible heartburn after eating an entire...

submitted by queen mudder, 04 August 2014

Zealot Repellent

This morning a woman rang our doorbell, offering our family a Bible and clearly wanting to share with me her faith journey, hoping, no doubt, that I would join her. I then explained to her that we already had...

submitted by Matt Birkenhauer, 03 August 2014

Heaven or Hell

Theres a worry for a lot of people who are the point of dying. But they shouldnt worry whether they go to Heaven or Hell. If you go to Heaven you wont know anyone you meet and will die of boredom. But if you...

submitted by j.w., 31 July 2014

Putin in the closet

A newly appointed Russian security chief has asked the KGB about gay rumors surrounding President Vladimir Putin. Comrade, one of the spooks replies, thats like asking whats the difference between President Putin...

submitted by queen mudder, 25 July 2014

Space Station surveillance report

The ISS has apologised about its malfunctioning eye-in-the-sky. Early reports showed a massive, unidentified tornado-like object on New Jerseys George Washington Bridge about to obliterate the Garden State. Fortunately...

submitted by queen mudder, 20 July 2014

Law school

A Southern law school recruiter at a New York jobs fair invites 100 graduates to apply for fast tracking to an exclusive course. After a quick preamble describing the degree course he asks the audience Did yall go to Harvard?...

submitted by queen mudder, 26 June 2014
Showing page 1 (of 578 pages)


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