Written by Jaggedone
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Sunday, 17 February 2013

image for Oldest nymphomaniac on the planet reveals the truth behind her longevity!
Chia seeds work wonders not only for Volga Olga; buy them now and you'll never keep it down!

World famous ancient Russian hag and nymphomaniac, Volga Olga, has revealed the secret behind (many times) her astonishing career as the oldest "bang" (bigger than the meteor) in the business.

The world's press gathered in her wooden hut, lost at the foot of the Ural Mountains in a clearing deep within the Ural Forest, as Volga Olga revealed her secret and not only that!

"Ever since I starred in that fabulous book, beginning with E and a Q and my love affair with that dashing British anthroplogist, Percival Smithers-Batears, I realised that as an 85 year-old sex-hungry hag, I had to keep up my standards. My local doctor, the vet, who castrates horny boars, gave me the following tip; 2 tea spoons of Chia seeds and a bottle or two of vodka a day!"

This outstanding recipe for 'keeping up' (literally) one's sexual appetite even into the nineties is now being released globally. Hallo magazine is running a double-page centre spread on Volga Olga and her secret, banning David Beckham into the side-netting.

Dutch, star photographer, Anton Corbijn, accompanied by Bono, is travelling to the Ural mountains to do a "shoot" (literally) with Volga Olga in black and white and Bono has promised to write a song about this "freak of nature" using Yoko Ono doing back-up vocals with her mouth full of Chia seeds sounding like she always does, seedy!

Crazy star film director, Quentin Tarantino, has also promised to film "EQ", but only if he can have Volga Olga before, after and forever!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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