There were 100 spoof news stories published in February 2016. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
The Word AWESOME Has Lost All Meaning
It's so overused that it's become boring. It just isn't awesome anymore. Finding almost everyone you meet and everything you come across is of the quality to inspire awe? Well, let's just say that seems quite ridiculous and unbelievable. Not very awesome at all. It's amusing to see folks following someone on Twitter, with the follower immediately assuring the followee that he or she is awes...
Read full storyNew Study: Texting While Driving Makes You Live Longer
In a surprising conclusion, scientists in a Gator Ridge, Florida behavioral research center, have determined that drivers who text on the road actually live three to five years longer than people who don't. Lead researcher Verna Joachim released t...
Read full storyStephen Fry believes he is a reincarnated Oscar Wilde!
Bafta host and high-brow comic, so gay in a Parisian way, Stephen Fry, has revealed he believes his past life led him to where he is now; a hunted, wounded clown! After being rather rude to several BAFTA winners, Fry told his I year-old husband (N...
Read full storyThe Internationally Acclaimed Ballast Diet Is Explained By Its Creator
The Ballast diet has taken the international slimming world by storm. Below is a transcript of a recent, rare radio interview with its creator, Professor Swan Morrison, in which he discusses the scheme in unprecedented detail. ~*~*~*~*~*~ 'Hello Professor Morrison and welcome to the Breakfast Radio Show.' 'Thank you for inviting me onto your programme.' 'You've invented a revolutionar...
Read full storyU. S. Constitution Found Dead in an Alley in Washington, D.C. GOP Being Held as a Person of Interest
WASHINGTON, D. C.--The Constitution was found dead last Thursday evening in a back alley, its bullet-ridden body soaked in blood. Suspiciously, article five of the Constitution, which begins, "The Congress, whenever two thirds of both houses shall d...
Read full storyRecent national study discovers surprising views on Bernie Sanders
A recent study conducted by PEW Research Center in Washington, D.C was made available to the public this past Monday. The aims of the study were to further understand the common political beliefs among the American public today. The think tank's thre...
Read full storyPope bangs his head against the wall!
During a papal congregation on the Mexican / US border in front of 250000 Catholic followers the Pope decided it was time to join his Jewish bretheren and commenced to bang his head against the US wall! The crowd, shocked at the sight of their hyp...
Read full storyTed Cruz: Second Head Makes Trump Ineligible for POTUS
In a bizarre turn of the tables, Ted Cruz has launched a birther attack against Donald Trump after reports of a second head emerging from Trump's jacket and shouting during a New Hampshire press briefing. "If this story is true, it raises serious...
Read full storyTrump Tasers Baby After Tot's Mom Breastfeeds At Rally
At a rally in Dallas Texas, Donald Trump asked his security for a Taser and then unapologetically used it on a 4 month old boy who had been crying. Defending his actions Trump said, "Well, the baby wouldn't stop crying, and then the mother was at...
Read full storyMarco Rubio... A double negative too far
Republican presidential candidate Marco Rubio confused Meet the Press viewers and its moderator Chuck Todd on Sunday with his overuse of negatives in response to questions regarding fault for the 9/11 attacks. Todd asked repeatedly that Rubio clarify. Essentially the exchange went like this: Todd: "Are you putting 9/11 on Clinton?" Rubio: "No. I am putting it on Clinton." Rubio's failure...
Read full storyTed Cruz And Penelope Cruz Not Eligible To Run For President
Foreign-born Ted Cruz and foreign-born Penelope Cruz are not eligible to run for President of the United States. He was born in Canada and she was born in Spain. Foreign-born Arnold Schwarzeneggar, though married to a niece of a president, also canno...
Read full storyWe want our Super Bowl "L": Roman numeral fans demand
New York - After 49 years of identifying its Super Bowl events with Roman numerals, the NFL has switched to modern numbering for Super Bowl 50. But the antique counting system is not going down without a fight. A group of accountants and a qu...
Read full storyKanye, Taylor to Resolve Dispute with Pistol Duel
Kanye West and Taylor Swift have agreed that there is only one way to settle their ongoing feud: They will meet this coming Saturday at high noon, packing matching Colt .45 Peacemakers, at the O.K. Corral in Tombstone, Arizona, for a good old-fashio...
Read full storySpoof reporter unearths transcripts of Hillary Clinton speeches to Goldman Sachs and how she earned the money
In recent dazzling investigative work, Spoof reporting is able to finally bring out the contents of Hillary Clinton's controversial speeches to Goldman Sachs. These speeches occurred as part of her early campaign to win the Democratic nomination f...
Read full storyIt's Trump's Charisma, Stupid
Yes, it's his charisma! Donald Trump has charisma. At the last debate, Donald Trump stood masterfully like an elephant between a Chihuahua and the Canadian Mr. Sleaze. Editor's note: Isn't Canadian Mr. Sleaze an oxymoron? Looks more like an ep...
Read full storyCitizen Brewers Groups: We Support Trump's Cinco De Mayo Ban
In the Texas border town of Kriegsville, Atticus Luna sits on the front line of the US trade and culture war with Mexico, a war articulated by presidential candidate Donald Trump with his call for a ban on Cinco de Mayo and Mexican beers. I hunke...
Read full storyClinton campaign claims Bernie related to Colonel Sanders
A super PAC associated with the Hillary Clinton campaign is reportedly going to release a television commercial beginning in South Carolina that suggests Bernie Sanders and Colonel Sanders, the semi fictional Kentucky Fried Chicken founder, are relat...
Read full story"Left-handers should conform" Spouts Germaine Greer
The haggard, Aussie feminist, Germaine Greer, has hit out over the liberal attitude of so call "leftie liberals" in her latest vitriolic column in the so-called hi-brow press. Speaking in the Guardian, Greer asked: "Why do some people choose to be...
Read full storyTed Cruz To Perform Exorcism On Hillary Clinton
Though neither are even close to wrapping up their party's nomination, Hillary Clinton and Ted Cruz will appear together in an unprecedented event: Hillary will make her case for another Clinton Presidency while Ted Cruz will attempt to exorcise the...
Read full storyPope: Ted Cruz Authorized To Perform Exorcisms
Senator Ted Cruz has mockingly been called The Executor, The Inquisitor, as well as The Prosecutor, but Pope Francis revealed that one of Cruz's true titles may be Exorcist - or maybe The Exorcisor in keeping with the spirit of his past nicknames.
Read full storyRatatouille two-step
A man who had previously complained that a rat had 'run up his leg' while he was eating in his local Wetherspoon's pub has been exposed as a fraud. Dick Soars, 57, was on a blind Internet date with, Mona Lotz, a nubile Lithuanian wench and had arr…
Read full storyKanye Ridicules Cruz & Trump Rap Battle
The Donald has tried to reach out to black Americans by staging a highly contrived music battle with Ted Cruz. However, he hasn't had much success. Man nah vote for Ted Cruiser, dis dull Establishment GOP loser! Man will nah vote, dis guy a jerk! Him Cruz Canadian, nah let man jive 'n' smirk! Man never vote for nah Teddy Cruz, Trump have fi win, me man dem Teddy lose! Cruz has hi...
Read full storyMan Sentenced to 11 Years in Prison for Farting on Airline, Causing Emergency Landing.
A Dyersburg, Tennessee resident was sentenced to 11 years in prison for causing a Delta airline flight to make an emergency landing due to his excessive farting. The incident occurred in June of 2014. When Zack Tillim, 32, boarded flight 2710 thi...
Read full storyOle Blue Eyes is Back. Sinatra Seen in Las Vegas.
A janitor at the famous Caesar's Palace Las Vegas claimed he not only saw Frank Sinatra the famous singer in a dressing room he was cleaning but had a long conversation with his ghost. A reporter from Follywood Fortnightly, LA's most prestigious variety magazine was invited to meet with the janitor. The janitor took the reporter to Frank's old dressing room and shouted; "Frank!" Out of an...
Read full storyKanye: KKK, You Need To Update Your Image
After stirring controversy by using a Confederate Flag to promote his Yeezus tour, Kanye West has stirred yet another racial hornets nest: This time he wants to redesign the traditional garb of the Ku Klux Klan. "If I had been around at the end o...
Read full storyLurid Details Emerge In Siri, Watson Stalking Case.
IBM's Watson has been accused by Apple's Siri of stalking and sexual harassment and her creators are seeking a multi-billion dollar judgement against IBM. After police refused to file charges in a bizarre and highly publicized case, Apple's Siri t...
Read full storyPublic Resort To The Supernatural To Decide EU Referendum Decision
A MORI poll published yesterday indicates that many UK residents have abandoned reason as a means of making a decision in the EU referendum. They are instead planning to seek guidance from supernatural sources. 'It has become increasingly apparent...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Patronises Disenfranchised 'International Community'
Notable-Public-Figure and Establishment-Career-Dynamic David Cameron has decided that the Tories have failed to successfully integrate enough marginalised communities, so that they will just shut the hell up and stop making trouble. Admittedly, he put it rather more delicately like that, but (achingly-non-)arguably no less extravagantly: Now hearken unto me when I quoth this, dearest sillyb...
Read full storyDebate Over Effectiveness of Positive Thinking and Affirmations Rages among Losers; Winners Have Little to Say on Subject
A study recently released by the Self-Center for American Psychology noted a sharp divide among losers regarding the effectiveness of the positive self-statements known as "affirmations"; winners, however, had little to say on the subject. Accordi...
Read full storyTrump and Kanye West Create "Ego Trip" Brand
Presidential Candidate Donald Trump and Kanye West have a new brand - Ego Trip. Ego Trip is also the name of the first two flagship products announced by the dubious duo: a rap musical track featuring The Don and Kanye, and a new cologne. At a j...
Read full storyPope Presides Over Human Sacrifice
Pope Francis closed off his visit to Mexico with the ultimate nod of approval to the blending of Catholic teachings with indigenous Mexican spiritual traditions. Donning a Santa Muerta costume, he climbed to the top of a Mayan pyramid to preside...
Read full storyChristian Youth Group Forms Prayer Circle Around Tornado. Banishes It To Hell.
Bentleyville, USA (AP)- Al Roker never predicted a rapturous burst of the power of prayer in his weekend forecast. The Child Soldiers For Christ youth group had assembled at their regular "divine debriefing" Sunday morning service when a loud nois...
Read full storyBill Cosby Hospitalized - Refuses Female Doctors, Nurses, And Drugs
Denver, Colorado - In the town where Bill Cosby lived at the start of his career, the disgraced comedian and TV star was under heavy security in a private hospital room after fracturing his hip. An anonymous source familiar with Cosby's care at S...
Read full storyThe Pope In Mexico
It was a hot day as Pope Francis addressed over ten thousand people today at the National Auditorium, Mexico City. His Holiness, visibly tired from his hectic days of meetings with local dignitaries, diplomats and politicians seemed very thirsty as he availed himself freely from a large decanter of 'water'placed on a small table by his throne. Pope Francis's Address in Mexico City Raisin...
Read full storyTed Cruz Accuses Rivals Of Cannibalism
Saying the New York Times reported it first, the Cruz campaign was distancing itself from a mailer a Cruz super pac sent out to Nevada voters describing his opponent's practices of ritual sacrifices and cannibalism. "It was a mistake to tell vote...
Read full storyBookmakers Open Betting on Savile Inquiry
NB:The following was written one day before Tony Blackburn got it in the neck from the Beeb. The Chief CEO at Chapbrooks betting firm is a retired army major. Our sports reporter at "U-R-FKD" magazine called around to see him to explain Chapbrooks...
Read full story"I'll Ban Cinco de Mayo" Vows Trump
In a Trump presidency forget about celebrating Cinco de Mayo and even drinking a Corona, both would be banned by candidate Trump if he had his way. "We don't celebrate Charlie Manson's birthday, and Mexicans have killed more people than him, so w...
Read full storyOklahoma Lawmakers Keep Exorcism Legal
In a victory for religious libertarians, Oklahoma has passed the Family Religion And Re-Education Act, designed to keep exorcism, the casting out of demons, legal. Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern sponsored the legislation that protects family and...
Read full storyHillary Wins Nevada As Cross-Crotched Ambiverts Storm Caucus Toilets
BILLINGSGATE POST: In a stunning upset that has set the world of pollsters and clairvoyants into hexagonal delusions and declining respect for their craft, Hillary Clinton, once again, scored a victory in Nevada by stitching together an unholy allia...
Read full storySomalia has new method of disposing Dissidents!
Jaggedone's CIA has just received news that a Somali plane has just landed with a hole in its side, there were 60 passengers on board at take off and 0 left as the plane landed! Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) East African reporter,...
Read full storyDeath is now optional
Under the new Dying Act which came into effect today all forms of dying other than euthanasia are illegal. A spokesperson for the Government said that euthanasia, either self-administered or assisted is now the only way that people can die. She added...
Read full storyOrder Your Genetically Modified Egghead Now!
Our reporter at U-R-FKD talked to Dr. Zoroaster Pike of the Tavistock Mind Control Unit in London to get his views on the recent announcement that Britain has got the go-ahead to conduct genetic research into human embryos. Critics are worried that it masks other concerns outside of human welfare that could have far reaching consequences for all of us. We could be at the mercy of mad back room...
Read full storyYeezy Season 3 to debut Zika-infected models
With Kanye West's much anticipated Yeezy Season 3 set to be unveiled this Thursday, the first groups of teenagers are putting up their tents in preparation for the gruelling queues, whilst Yeezy retailers eagerly await the influx of spotty, prepubesc...
Read full storyTrump Hair Hides Microcephaly, TSA Image Leaked
TSA investigators are looking into the leaking of a scatter X-ray image of Donald Trump with potentially damaging consequences for the presidential candidate: The image shows a microcephalic male skull purportedly of The Don while traveling through a...
Read full storyHillary Gains Endorsement From Wile E Coyote: Both Seen Wearing Matching Pink ACME Pantsuits
BILLINGSGATE POST: "As part of ACME Corporation, the greatest military-industrial complex the world has ever known, I, Wile E Coyote, hereby announce my enthusiastic endorsement for Hillary Rodham Clinton." "Although she was thoroughly schlonged...
Read full storyTrump announces plans to be world leader and how he will instruct the globe to behave
Last night in a news conference, Mr. Trump laid out his vision for his coming global leadership and how to improve world affairs. He made it plain his notions for world order would brook no nonsense to his instructions as leader of "the greatest c...
Read full storyKanye West To Crowdfund "KanyEgo Trip"
After billionaires Donald Trump and Mark Zuckerberg declined to invest their billions in Kanye West, the struggling for coherence and self described musical genius is moving to crowdfunding for his next Album, KanyEgo Trip. "I need a billion dolla...
Read full storyOhio school released controversial plan to expand student housing
With another academic year comes another addition to the University of Dayton student body. They University of Dayton is a small, Catholic college in Southwest Ohio. It is estimated that there are now over 8,300 full-time undergraduates enrolled, sig...
Read full storyAnd Here is the News...Again.
HEADLINES KIM KARDASHIAN ROCKED UP TO RIHANNA'S FIRST DIAMOND BALL BENEFIT IN A PLUNGING LEOTARD WITH MESH NETTING. Friends say this is a radical departure for her. Kim has also been made an offer by Air Canada to model her bum for new hot air balloon. MOTHER OF NINETEEN CHILDREN VOWS "NEVER TO GET PREGNANT AGAIN". FRANK BRUNO GIVEN ALL CLEAR BY DOCTORS TO RESUME BOXING... BUT MAY HAVE T...
Read full storyKanye Takes Credit For Trump Candidacy
Love him or hate him, but most everyone knows he regularly compares himself to Jesus, Einstein, and Da Vinci among others. Kanye West, in a new interview with Digital Underground Music Productions, takes credit for Donald Trump's run for president, a...
Read full storyTrump Sues Himself - Pledges To Sue His Administration Once Elected
Donald Trump has pledged to sue his own administration once he is elected, this follows reports from his campaign that one of Donald Trump's companies is suing another of his companies to keep him from talking about the details of a partnership with...
Read full storyComcast subscribers experience weight loss, scientific study reveals
Subscribers to Comcast are likely to lose weight, the National Institute of Weight Loss found. The finding holds true for obese and non obese adults. The NIWL is recommending that doctors instruct their overweight patients to sign up with Comcast...
Read full storyDonald J. Trump promises to build a big, friggin' wall around the planet to keep any Martians and other illegal aliens out - and he'll get the Klingons to pay for it
Big, bad-ass billionaire bozo Donald Trump who wants to be the next President of the United States of America told shrieking supporters that he would kick alien ass and lock them permanently out of planet earth by building a wall around the planet. H...
Read full storyObama Disarms ISIS with His Trademark Smile
After decades of an expanding - and largely ineffective - "War on Terror," President Barack Obama recently succeeded in disarming the militant jihadist group ISIS using merely his trademark smile. Sources report that in a confidential meeting wit...
Read full storyTed Cruz Flies Over The Cuckoos Nest
In a desperate attempt to prove how tough he would be on illegal immigration, presidential candidate Ted Cruz vowed to attach a huge net to the wall he will build between Mexico and the United States. "We no longer will allow migrating birds to mo...
Read full storyOhio private school implements neighborhood re-brand - "The Ghetto"
Since the beginning weeks of their academic semester, both the University of Dayton administration and student body have been under pressure to change the racial culture that currently exists on campus. After myriad student newspaper articles and stu...
Read full storyNewsflashes from under Jaggedone's grubby raincoat!
Jaggedone's CIA news flashes (from under his raincoat) live and uncensored! Latest news flashing in from UN HQ! "Syrian Peace talks suspended because UN members were seen crawling out of President Assad's rear end and the shock was too much for rebels who declined to lick his butt too!!" Millions of Syrian refugees were not asked their opinion, they were too busy walking barefoot to Germa...
Read full storyVolunteer workers on strike for more appreciation
Volunteer workers in Australia are up in arms over recent troubles. A spokesperson for the Volunteer Workers' Union said this morning "It is becoming apparent that some office managers don't like nor appreciate volunteers working for them." She added...
Read full storyNRA, Gun Manufacturers Want A Ban On New EMP Guns
Sensing a threat to their bottom line, gun manufacturers and the NRA have lined up against new EMPs or electro magnetic pulse guns, specifically targeting those devices made for the consumer market. An EMP gun ranges in size and shape from a TV re...
Read full storyMr Trump's Small-Step Provision of a Wall is a Giant Leap for Mankind
Washington, D.C. - Donald Trump has just finished building the Mexico-U.S. wall, which is officially the tallest wall on Earth and, perhaps, the universe. This will go down in history as one of the most impressive engineering feats of mankind. Th...
Read full storyEdgy, Off-Broadway, Rendition of Hamilton to be Casted With All White Performers
The 70th annual Tony Awards are still a few months off, but there is no question that the hip-hop hit, Hamilton, is a clear front-runner for many of this year's categories. The run-away musical was even featured in this year's Grammys, and with nothing seeming to slow this giant of Broadway down, the question becomes, what's next? Well, according to Brian Duffel, graduate of State University of...
Read full storyGeorge and Weezy Jefferson Offer Dry Cleaning Services to Dr. Ben Carson
New York - Prominent East Side dry cleaning magnate George Jefferson and his wife Weezy have offered support to Dr. Ben Carson's troubled presidential campaign. Speaking from their Deluxe Apartment In The Sky today, the Jeffersons urged Dr. Carson t...
Read full storyTom Brady Botoxed - Tom, we hardly knew ye.
There may be many ways to deal with one's 39th birthday-or Deflategate fallout. Take New England Patriot superstar Tom Brady, for instance. He apparently accompanied his wife to Paris sometime this year for a secret rendezvous with the best face w...
Read full storyOh, God, Bathroom Door in Friends' House Doesn't Lock
CANTON, CT--Panic consumed area man Paul Erikson Sunday, upon discovering that the lock for the bathroom door inside friend Matt Hordiman's house was not operational. "Shit, now what am I gonna do?" A desperate Erikson was overhead saying to hims...
Read full storyTrump Sprouts New Head
At a New Hampshire press conference on Friday, what initially looked like a large hump under Donald Trumps suit jacket turned out to be much, much, more, even shocking the crowd of hardened campaign reporters into screams of disbelief. After Mr.
Read full storyTen Things Women Look for in a Man
(1) When she is in heat... the traits of a killer carnivore. (2) When she is not in heat... the traits of a florist who grows his own flowers and/or to look smoochy on the dance floor. (3) Money. Shit loads of it. (4) Unanimous approval from her friends. (5) When in heat... he must boast an IQ of three, know how to grunt with abandon and have a hairy chest. (6) When not in heat... h...
Read full storyTrump reveals "Affluenza boy" is his love (sperm) child!
Donald Trump revealed at his press conference this morning that he is the father of Ethan Couch, the so called Affluenza Boy. "Yes," stated the Donald, "he is my son and in fact, one of hundreds! As you know," he paused, "the apple does not fa...
Read full storyTrump Announces that he was hired to run for President to "weed out the dummies"
In a shocking announcement, the current republican presidential nominee front runner, Donald Trump has admitted to running a mock campaign. "I'm surprised someone has called me on this yet." the Donald said. "I take that back. I'm not surprise...
Read full storyMatt Le Blanc new Top Gear presenter promises a stiffer
Jaggedone's special news "Flash" for the ladies! BBC HQ London! 04.02.2016 Matt Le Blanc will be taking over macho males fav TV programme, Top Gear! Matt has promised to wow his female followers by sitting naked in an open top E Type Jaguar!! The programme will be renamed "Women's Own Top Gear" and gaga females all over the planet have offered to stroke his gear stick as much as he desires!...
Read full storyTarantino's "Blood'nGore Restaurants" to Open Soon
Movie mogul Quentin Tarantino with a consortium of business friends has purchased a chain of abattoirs across Los Angeles. The abattoirs will still function as abattoirs but will now incorporate restaurants and special seating arrangements where clie...
Read full storyDonald Duck for President
Presidential hopeful Donald Duck - known to his friends as Goofy - has been taking the mickey out of front runner Minnie Cliton. Teasingly Donald refers to his rival as Clit and claims Minnie has never understood America's favourite poet from the...
Read full storyFighting off insomnia: Getting ravaged by Gobbly Gleetens at the threshold of hades
Sometimes I just can't sleep. Like most, I worry. My fears and phobias are intense and really, are as off-base as an AWOL Private. ....So I toss and turn, toss and turn. I get up from my hard bed, go to the refrigerator and drink some type of liquid refreshment. Something with some bite, of course. Then I watch a little TV - usually ID Discovery. I'm a big fan of Lt. Joe Kenda, the Homicide Hun...
Read full storyHillary Clinton And Bernie Sanders Have Food Fight
Things got out of hand when Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders debated in front of the Black Rights Now activist group yesterday. Both claimed to have past records that proved they could relate to minority interests, despite being Caucasian. "I...
Read full storyUK Secretary Hammond comments further on Julian Assange
Amidst the hurly burly of the nightclub 10 Downing Street Tomorrow in downtown London, UK Foreign Secretary Philip Hammond has offered more viewpoints on Mr. Assange's case to enquiring journalists. During the interview the Secretary tapped his fi...
Read full storyBoris and Cameron Face Off On In Out Solution
David Cameron put it well: 'If you are in then you can provide for the future - if you are Out you dirty your hands, your sheets, your bed.' This make the case for staying in the EU (Erotic Union). Meanwhile Boris Yeltsin the Mayor of London wa...
Read full storySaid Judas Iscariot -- The Greatest Archaeological Find Ever?
Archaeologists have uncovered in a rubbish pit outside Jerusalem what may well be the find of the century outstripping even the discovery of Tutankhamen's tomb in 1922. It is a parchment believed to have been distributed weekly among the intelligents...
Read full storyObama Named Native American Man Of The Year By FAUX NEWS
BILLINGSGATE POST: President Barack Obama, wearing nothing but a loin cloth and a full Cherokee Indian headdress, made from real eagle feathers and leather, was featured on the cover of FAUX NEWS as Native American Man of the Year. In an earlier...
Read full storyThoughts That Need To Be Thunk About For 2016
If Donald Trump wins the Presidential election he will consider all of us to be 'losers'. If the Occupiers of the wildlife refuge took over the land there wouldn't they probably shoot all the ducks? Do the Republicans already have a smear campaign ready in case Bernie Sanders is elected based on the fact that he is Jewish, a Socialist and advanced in age? Under the definition of 'gang' wo...
Read full storyDonald Trump Has A Bug Up His Ass
During his yearly physical, Trump's doctor discovered a two inch fire ant wedged firmly in his bowels. "No wonder he disparages women, Muslims and the disabled," Dr. Buttock was quoted as saying. Although Trump was informed that removal of said bu...
Read full storyTrump promises to 'make it interesting' if he doesn't do well in New Hampshire.
Republican frontrunner Donald Trump is promising to 'make it interesting' and campaign shirtless if he doesn't do well in New Hampshire and has said he's prepared to go 'all the way' if necessary in the lead up to Super Tuesday. Throwing fistfuls...
Read full storyOscar Selects Best Remake of Year
If you bothered to watch the colorblind Oscars hosted by Chris Rock, you saw a case in assuaging one's racist past. As Rock pointed out, Oscar has showcased 71 years out of 88 without a black acting nominee. Since there are many excellent black ac...
Read full storyPrestigious Spoof editor, Mark, has just been removed in a straight jacket!
The Spoof satirical website has just been dealt a severe blow after observing a white van speed up to Spoof HQ and remove their beloved editor, Mark (surname unknown but we writers call him many things), being dragged away in a straight jacket headin...
Read full storyBernie Sanders Will Fund Free College Education By Taxing Scholarships
BILLINGSGATE POST: Taking a cue from Milo Minderbinder, a character in Joseph Heller's most successful novel, Catch-22, Bernie Sanders announced today that he will fund his controversial free college education plan by taxing the scholarships awarded...
Read full storyBritish tabloids claim they have Louis van Gaal's scalp!
British tabloids claim they have Louis van Gaal's scalp! The "Hexenjagd" of the disgraceful, lying, deceitful British tabloids has reached a new low! They claim to have Manchester United's manager, Louis van Gaal's scalp! As usual it's a bunch...
Read full storyHillary, A Laughing Hyena, Wins Best In Show At Westminster
BILLINGSGATE POST: As each of the competitors for best in show at the 140th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show on Tuesday night approached the judge, he told them he would like to hear them bark. He listened to each of the dogs, cupping his right ear...
Read full storyCanadian Government to Buy Playboy Mansion
After only a few short weeks on the market, it appears that the Playboy Mansion has attracted a firm purchase offer from, of all parties, the Government of Canada. McKenzie Brothers Real Estate, acting on Canada's behalf, has revealed that their p...
Read full storyHumiliation for Terrorists!
The new Terrorism Control Act which became law at midnight last night introduces a new range of Terrorism Related Offences (TROs) and takes a surprisingly innovative approach to the punishment of those offences. The Act defines TROs as the manufa...
Read full storyGaseous hero dog to give Keynote address at GOP convention!
Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee strode to the podium at the GOP headquarters this morning. He was unsmiling and seemed to be in a hurry. He wasted no time and spoke abruptly: "I am announcing here today that the committe...
Read full storyManchester United visit Legoland and get their blocks shot off!
Ex-world famous football team, Manchester United, sponsored to the tune of 750 million pounds by world famous 3 striped producers of sports clothes, visited Legoland in Denmark and lost their blocks! It was quite embarrassing as the team of multim...
Read full storyTories Have Next Election Slogan
The Tories are planning ahead for the next election. They think the EU referendum could make life pretty difficult and feel sure they can beat Corbyn any day. This slogan is a winner and has already had a trial run although it is having some probl...
Read full storyAboriginal rights: A final solution
Self-proclaimed Aboriginal rights activist, Mr A Hister, now in his nineties, said today that white Australians must stop feeling guilty about all the things they have done for Aborigines. He said "We have given them great medical care, excellent...
Read full storyMontgomery Brewster surges in polls after other candidates prove themselves schmucks
In the latest Gallup poll, a relative unknown candidate has begun gaining traction due mostly to the ineptitude and downright lackluster performances put on by the other previously front running candidates. Montgomery Brewster, made famous in the ea...
Read full storyTom Brady to Run for President
Expecting to be inflated again by the courts this week, Tom Brady will be able to run for President. For all those nay-sayers, Tom is old enough to be POTUS. Others think he hasn't a POTUS to plant flowers in. Sports fans probably don't have a...
Read full storyOhio school sells newly purchased mansion for incumbent president
On Friday, Dec. 11, 2015, the University of Dayton announced the purchase of a residence in Oakwood for incoming president Eric Spina and all future presidents. The $1.55 million home, which sits on 1.3 acres and includes a small guest house and...
Read full storyStrange Things Happen When You Have a Rock Band With Dave Barry And Stephen King In It. Maybe A Little Too Strange......
It all started very normally. It was a usual, quiet evening with the Rock Bottom Remainders setting up their equipment for another gig. OK, actually, the Rock Bottom Remainders are not really so very normal. Their roster is made up of all famous literary and artistic people like Dave Barry the humor writer, Stephen King the horror novelist, Amy Tan the fictionalist, Mitch Albom an author, Matt...
Read full storyWhatever anyway
Anyway, whatever. Whatever you say. Anyway, who cares. ANY WAY? You must be joking. There are some ways that are just not me. We know you are always right anyway. So... Whatever you say Dad. Anyway what's the use? Right? Anyway - it'll all be the same in a thousand years - So whatever? You must be joking! What a drag. I can't believe it. But...whatever. Anyway I don't really care. W...
Read full storyJack Spratt Not on Boston Red Sox Roster - Inflate-gut: Boston's Latest Sports Scandal
We have gone from Deflategate to Inflategut. Tom Brady never let the air out of the ball, and Pablo Sandoval never missed a meal. Yep, Pablo Sandoval has violated the league rules by playing with overly inflated high-cal dinners, breakfasts, and...
Read full storyZimmer Framing to the White House
Now that senior citizens are running - or rather, pushing - for the White House with force, architects are preparing the President's Office for the possible arrival of septuagenarians in November. Hillary Clinton, Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are...
Read full storyWhitey Bulger Does Hard Time
Whitey Bulger has added to his criminal resume. In case you missed the blaring headlines in the Boston newspapers and online, we want to make certain you heard that Whitey Bulger has been sent to solitary confinement. It appears the 85-year old in...
Read full storyCam Newton develops bizarre pigskin phobia at the most inopportune time
With the balance of Superbowl 50 hanging by a thread the most celebrated man in football made what could only be described as the most cowardly display in football history. Or, at least, that is how it appeared. The reality is that when Can Newton...
Read full story