Written by XRhonda Speaks

Tuesday, 9 February 2016

image for "I'll Ban Cinco de Mayo" Vows Trump
Under President Trump, this Corona would be illegal.

In a Trump presidency forget about celebrating Cinco de Mayo and even drinking a Corona, both would be banned by candidate Trump if he had his way.

"We don't celebrate Charlie Manson's birthday, and Mexicans have killed more people than him, so why do we celebrate some Mexican Independence Day", the blow dried billionaire said to a packed gymnasium in Concord, NH.

Completely misunderstanding the origin of the Mexican celebration, he went on, "They lost that war to us, basically they are a country of losers. So when I'm president, Cinco de Mayo and Corona are not going to be allowed into the country."

Apparently not realizing Alhambra is a Spanish beer, he roused the crowd by finally saying, "And Alhambra, that's a spi- uh, a hispanic beer with a Muslim sounding name, Alhambra - banned!"

At that point the cheering crowd started jeering an Hispanic man who had the misfortune of wearing a Corona cap to the rally. Answering shouts of "Go back to Mexico," the man later identified as Julian Suarez of Londonderry, NH, shouted back "But I'm from here!" A few in the crowd tried to fight with Mr. Suarez, and Trump security eventually escorted him out for his own safety.

As happened after the last time Trump made insensitive remarks towards Mexico and it's citizens, sales of Corona and other Mexican beers spiked dramatically as public fears spread over possible shortages and an outright ban on the savory suds.

When contacted for comment, DNC spokesperson Christina Freundlich's immediate response sounded like a new pitch we're going to be hearing a lot more often this election cycle: "Donald Trump is coming to take your beers away."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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