Donald Trump revealed at his press conference this morning that he is the father of Ethan Couch, the so called Affluenza Boy.
"Yes," stated the Donald, "he is my son and in fact, one of hundreds! As you know," he paused, "the apple does not fall far from the tree!"
Reporters in the crowd of journalists following the campaign turned to each other in stunned silence. One said, "nor the drip far from the Dick apparently!"
Trump continued: "For the last twenty-five years I have quietly been buying up all of the sperm banks in the US. In a talk with God, he said to me, "Go forth and multiply! The world needs a master race. The last one didn't work out so good. Donald, it is up to you!" Trump paused, smiled and said, "He just confirmed what I had already determined. The world needed to be Trumped.
I knew that young Ethan was one of my Trump-ettes when he was caught giving his Rolex away for a lap dance. That has to be one of mine I thought! The first Rolex I gave away was when I was ten years old and the sixth grade beauty sat on my face. I have never been without a Rolex since then!"
The Donald looked at the stunned journalists and said triumphantly, "Welcome to my world!"
