During his yearly physical, Trump's doctor discovered a two inch fire ant wedged firmly in his bowels. "No wonder he disparages women, Muslims and the disabled," Dr. Buttock was quoted as saying.
Although Trump was informed that removal of said bug could be painlessly done with an elongated pair of tweezers, his advisors felt that a total personality change would likely turn off his followers and ruin his chances for the Republican nomination.
"His grouchy disposition is what catapulted him to the lead in this Republican race for the White House," a spokesperson told a group of reporters.
Most of Trump's team stand behind the decision to leave the bug up his ass, at least until the primaries are completed. Trump himself had no comment, but was heard asking wife Melania to pick up a fresh tube of PreparationH.