Written by XRhonda Speaks

Thursday, 11 February 2016

image for Ted Cruz: Second Head Makes Trump Ineligible for POTUS
Ted Cruz called Donald Trump devilish, "Don't be deceived by this devilish man who's not even a true conservative."

In a bizarre turn of the tables, Ted Cruz has launched a birther attack against Donald Trump after reports of a second head emerging from Trump's jacket and shouting during a New Hampshire press briefing.

"If this story is true, it raises serious questions about the legitimacy of a Trump presidency," Cruz said to a rally in Charleston SC. Cruz then pressed his new line of attack: "There is no documentation of this second person, no birth certificate. Now I'm not saying this necessarily disqualifies him from office, but it certainly raises a cloud, at least until we find out what is going on."

Later the crowd cheered when Cruz called Trump devilish and the c-word, "Do not be deceived by this devilish man who is not even a real conservative, but a CINO [Conservative In Name Only]."

Some of Cruz's supporters seemed unsure of what happened in New Hampshire, but the stories are spreading. "They said Trump had two heads coming off of his shoulders, but someone threw a blanket over him before anyone could take any pictures." Donna Santopolis of Charleston told us. "My sister heard the second head had horns, but other people are saying both heads have horns. I really think maybe Trump is hiding something on both of his heads, but more like an evil number, and so CINO, in Trump's case should also be Christian In Name Only."

When contacted, the Trump campaign did not respond directly to the stories of the second head, but a staffer released a Trump statement, "This is all coming from a losing campaign, and a loser writer from a loser website. And who names their kid XRhonda [this reporter] except for hippy losers?"

In another ironic twist, Ted Cruz represented conjoined twins in 1994 who fought to be recognized as two separate persons when the state of Ohio only wanted to pay disability benefits for one person. Cruz ultimately won that case and gained first hand experience and knowledge of legal precedent in that case - a case that may end up being much like Trump's if courts decide his second head is a separate and legal person or entity.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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