Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 22 February 2016

image for Bernie Sanders Will Fund Free College Education By Taxing Scholarships
Bernie Sanderbinder

BILLINGSGATE POST: Taking a cue from Milo Minderbinder, a character in Joseph Heller's most successful novel, Catch-22, Bernie Sanders announced today that he will fund his controversial free college education plan by taxing the scholarships awarded to rich kids.

Sanders got this convulated idea from First Lieutenant Milo Minderbinder, a war profiteer during World War II who once arranged with the Germans to bomb his own squadron when his syndicate's cash flow was depleted due to heavy investment in Egyptian cotton. Rationalizing about the duplicity of cashing in on the lives of his own squadron, Milo concludes that all wars should be conducted by private enterprise, as long as the government picks up the expenses.

Believing that scholarships are unfair because they give smart kids an unfair advantage over those with average intelligence, Bernie Sanders argues that by taxing scholarships, the playing field can be leveled so that average kids can better complete.

Citing studies which show that the deck is stacked against the average student because most of the scholarships go to youngsters who already have everything going for them; being born to highly intelligent, successful parents, going to the very best prep schools, and having SAT and ACT testing drilled into them since birth: small wonder that these kids scoop up most of the scholarship money available.

Bernie Sanders is nothing less than a modern day Milo Minderbinder.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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