Order Your Genetically Modified Egghead Now!

Funny story written by Auntie Matter

Monday, 1 February 2016

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Our reporter at U-R-FKD talked to Dr. Zoroaster Pike of the Tavistock Mind Control Unit in London to get his views on the recent announcement that Britain has got the go-ahead to conduct genetic research into human embryos.

Critics are worried that it masks other concerns outside of human welfare that could have far reaching consequences for all of us. We could be at the mercy of mad back room scientists propelled by some Masonic myth to create The Ubermensch or Superman dreamt of by the Third Reich. And there is a nasty rumour circulating in Washington that the cells of Henry Kissinger, George Bush Junior, Lyndon Johnson and Ronald Reagan have been harvested and preserved in Donald Trump's fridge for just this purpose.


R: And who exactly gave Britain the "go-ahead" Dr. Pike?

Dr: The HFEA.

R: Which is?

Dr: The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority run by the National Health.

R: Who is it answerable to. It seems to be empowered to issue licens es to universities and the like for stem cell research.

Dr: The government.... I suppose. WE only work here. We rarely get to see the bigger picture.

R: Which is answerable to big business in the main. Isn't this sort of thing amoral on the one hand, arrogant on the other and downright dangerous. Surely an issue that will affect us all in one way or another should be a matter of a public referendum. What is you motivation?

Dr: Hmm... to...ah prevent miscarriages.

R: So while the government is doing its nut over immigration and overpopulation you are all bent out of shape over miscarriages that have been going on since man first walked the earth. Is that correct?

Dr: We do what is best for the human race. We seek to understand the human genome so that we can cure diseases.

R: And who are we to doubt it Dr. Pike while new and better diseases seemingly spring up out of nowhere threatening the entire human race?

Dr: That has nothing to do with us!

R: Dr David King, director of Human Genetics Alert, said: "This is the first step in a well mapped-out process leading to GM babies, and a future of consumer eugenics." He claimed the government's scientific advisers had already decided they were comfortable with the prospect of so-called "designer babies". Isn't that what this is about Dr. Pike? Power, scientific hegemony over our lives, control? That the Fascist myth of the Superman has not gone away among the New World Order boys and their determination to take control of our human destiny. And, of course, if things go wrong as they most certainly will, as our two hundred year old chemical science sets about tinkering with billions of years of evolution... and we get into cloning and ending multiple births while apparently stopping miscarriages we are to believe... and whatever other mandates are levelled at this madness by big business... the pharmaceutical companies will be waiting in the wings as usual... like drooling jackals... with their very, very expensive magic potions. And as we are humbly taught to accept your venerated smarter-than-thou scientific hegemony we will all queue up to be chipped on schedule... like James Bond in the latest movie. Isn't that the bigger picture Doctor Pike?

Dr: I am sorry sir... this is all balderdash. There are many diseases we can cure with this new technology. It is morons like you who spread panic among the sheeple... er... I mean... the good citizens.

R: Will greed and the lust for wealth and power be among the diseases you eggheads hope to cure?

Dr: Miss Fabersham will show you to the lift. Good day sir!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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