Comcast subscribers experience weight loss, scientific study reveals

Funny story written by mickie winkler

Tuesday, 16 February 2016

image for Comcast subscribers experience weight loss, scientific study reveals
Comcast Subscriber

Subscribers to Comcast are likely to lose weight, the National Institute of Weight Loss found. The finding holds true for obese and non obese adults.

The NIWL is recommending that doctors instruct their overweight patients to sign up with Comcast. In addition to weight loss they will receive:

• Telephone service (which, unlike land lines, is useless if power goes out).
• Spotty programming, also subject to frequent interruption.
• Terrible streaming for which subscribers are charged.
• Unreliable WiFi.

All of which comes at a stunningly high cost that is burdened with frustrating new and arbitrary charges each and every month.

Doctors speculate that under Comcast-induced stress, customers will neither crave nor retain food.

Comcast is promoting physician efforts by -selectively-- touting weight loss as a benefit, and claiming that Comcast fees can be tax deducted as a medical expense.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more