Written by StubbornGorilla

Friday, 19 February 2016

image for Trump Announces that he was hired to run for President to "weed out the dummies"
"I didn't realize so many of you were this stupid, but I'm glad you're stupid!"

In a shocking announcement, the current republican presidential nominee front runner, Donald Trump has admitted to running a mock campaign.

"I'm surprised someone has called me on this yet." the Donald said. "I take that back. I'm not surprised in the least. My commanding presence is enough to disorient even the most focused observer."

After shockingly pulling from the pack, the likely nominee Mr. Trump decided it was time to reveal the farce, so that the real election could get back on track before the entire electoral process completely flies off the rails.

"I know my ability to command respect and attention is a powerful tool, so do my backers. That's why they hired me to do this."

When questioned who his "backers" were Trump would only characterize them as "concerned citizens who are highly interested in the outcome of the 2016 election."

Their goal was apparently to weed out the lunatic fringe voting bloc within the republican party by presenting a candidate they believed only the most intellectually inept and culturally insulated would be drawn to.

"Unfortunately, we underestimated just how many republicans believe that America belongs solely to white, Christian wealthy people" admitted an anonymous member from the group that put Mr. Trump up to this. "We are also quite baffled why a demographic like that would find a foul mouthed, rude, pompous liberal with fake hair so appealing." They went on to imply that the only explanation they could come up with is the vast amount of voters who present themselves as upstanding religious citizens are really just a bunch of fearful, hypocritical bigots.

As for Trump, instead of conceding the race to save the republican party any more embarrassment, he has decided to ride the lightning, "Hey, I'm here, people want me here and I'm staying for the damn party!"

After The Donald announced the erroneous origins of his bid for President his poll numbers surprisingly went up. "The American people are just happy to have someone who sounds like a straight talker running for President," he explained. "They're sick of bought and paid for politicians being their only choices during elections. Fortunately for them, I don't answer to anyone but me. I'm sure the idea of a guy like me in the White House helps a lot of you regular Americans sleep better at night. You're welcome!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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