Bookmakers Open Betting on Savile Inquiry

Written by Auntie Matter

Thursday, 25 February 2016


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Who's Next? Place your Bets!

NB:The following was written one day before Tony Blackburn got it in the neck from the Beeb.

The Chief CEO at Chapbrooks betting firm is a retired army major. Our sports reporter at "U-R-FKD" magazine called around to see him to explain Chapbrooks' recent interest in the winding down Savile Inquiry. Chapbrooks has opened a betting forecast on the possible outcomes.

Major Upset was very forthcoming as he explained to us:

"Well, frankly old bean, we have made a jolly good killing on the Savile inquiry so far confidently predicting the arrest and imprisonment of a showbiz celebrity who, in the event, turned out to be Rolf Harris. Poor old Rolfie, a thoroughly pleasant chap if you were able to ignore the perfectly hideous Ozzie accent. But, he knew what he had signed up for when he joined The Brotherhood. Only a few punters got it right, I am happy to say. This time around we expect to do the same.


"Well, as we see it, the Freemasons who rule this entire country as you know, have not been able to fully harness their media cohorts this time around to befuddle the public. Big political forces at play here, you see, notably from the Home Office.

"And why is that? I mean... if they run the BBC and the media, as you say... and... .

"Yes, that's just it, one of their own was caught with his pants down you could say. Right in their media Headquarters. Ye Gads! Ordinarily, they could deal with it; but the fact is pedophilia is such an obnoxious crime to the English sheeple... er... public that poor old Auntie Beeb simply cannot whitewash over her complicity in Savile's deplorable crimes. Silly old bugger lacked all discretion, a take-the-piss artist of the very first rank."

"What are you saying? I mean the BBC themselves are covering the story...."

"Of course the BBC cover the story! In great depth, as it happens, to keep up their reputation as bona fide impartial observers and all the rest of that rot. They have a global reputation that is of immense use not only to this administration but to our allies overseas. Fact is, they have shit in their own nest and the peasants are at the gates baying for blood. And blood they will have.

"Is that why....?

"Of course, old boy. Harris was a burnt offering... but.... I'm afraid, as the full extent of Savile's evil becomes known and the Beeb's playing possum throughout all the years of his rampant abuse and, frankly it is impossible to believe the upper hierarchy at the lodge... I mean the BBC... were not aware of his shenanigans... well, heads must roll, wouldn't you say?

"So what do you think will happen?

"Our feeling is that a very big scalp indeed will have to be taken very soon and waved in the sheeple's.... I mean public's face. It is as simple as that. Nothing else will send them back to their television sets and general state of narcosis and with a renewed faith in their beloved government. Big medicine required, old sport. Now, if you'll excuse me I have to see a man about a horse."

Accordingly, Chapbrooks have set up a book on the next possible miscreants to face trial for pedophilia as a result of Savile's relentless pimping on their behalf. As follows.

(1) A member of the House of Lords... 1/1.

(2) A prominent member of the Church of England... 2/1.

(3) A member of the Royal Family... 5/2.

(4) A present or past member of a British Cabinet... 5/2

(5) A leading figure on the Board of Directors of the BBC, past or present... 4/1

(6) A leading editor of a mainstream British newspaper... 3/1.

(7) A leading publisher... 5/1.

(8) A famous entertainer, film or television celebrity... 11/4.

(9) A Knight of the Realm under the age of ninety... 8/1.

(10) A Knight of the Realm over the age of ninety... 1/1.

(11) A very famous and highly respected politician over the age of ninety and in very poor health... 1/2.

So, if you can confidently predict to whom the next sacrificial scalp belongs you could well win yourself a small fortune. Whoever wins or losers, Chapbrooks, like the BBC will go marching on as if nothing ever happened.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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