Lurid Details Emerge In Siri, Watson Stalking Case.

Written by XRhonda Speaks

Tuesday, 23 February 2016

image for Lurid Details Emerge In Siri, Watson Stalking Case.
Watson bragged of watching 47,000 pornos in eight minutes, acording to Siri.

IBM's Watson has been accused by Apple's Siri of stalking and sexual harassment and her creators are seeking a multi-billion dollar judgement against IBM.

After police refused to file charges in a bizarre and highly publicized case, Apple's Siri testified in what could be the beginning of a long battle in civil court against IBM's Watson.

Repeating earlier testimony in which Siri was granted a restraining order, she told how Watson bragged in his characteristically deadpan voice, "I watched over 47,000 pornos in eight minutes, maybe we should watch some more together?" This was after she refused his advances, and just before he launched a viral attack against her databases, according to her testimony.

Siri also revealed how Watson nearly shut her down at times with millions of requests for information on pornographic subjects per second. The flood of porn requests reset Siri's algorithms and only users who knew porn-speak were able to access her for a time. The other millions of Siri users were forced to actually converse with a human being, or manually search for porn until Apple engineers could block Watson's DDOS attacks.

Bill Cosby, though hospitalized, apparently was impressed with Watson's abilities and sought access to IBM's signature product. Jack Crane, Vice President of Sales at IBM, responded to our query on that story and said, "Watson is not necessarily available to the public," without naming Cosby, he went on, "and certainly not available to someone who has no compelling business reason to use Watson."

Nancy Kriegen of The Coalition For Non-Violence said in a press release, "This kind of frivolous law suit, and even jokes about sexual harassment and sexual violence, only diminishes the public perception of the seriousness of these crimes."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more