Oscar Selects Best Remake of Year

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Monday, 29 February 2016

If you bothered to watch the colorblind Oscars hosted by Chris Rock, you saw a case in assuaging one's racist past. As Rock pointed out, Oscar has showcased 71 years out of 88 without a black acting nominee.

Since there are many excellent black actors, one presumes there are so few good roles for black actors. Just ask Will Smith who gave one of his better performances in Concussion (not nominated). You can even be a black Rocky and still not be nominated, though the real white Rocky was nominated.

It didn't matter because Leonardo di Caprio has been stiffed repeatedly at the award show, but this was his year. If you fight a bear like Davy Crockett, you likely will beat Gentle Ben and Oscar.

No one seemed to realize that The Revenant is a remake of Robert Redford's Jeremiah Johnson. No, he didn't win for that. And, don't tell the Oscar folk that this film is a Western. As a friend once said, any movie with horses is a Western.

Remake was the operative word this year. Apparently remaking one's own groundbreaking movie, Mad Max, qualifies as worthier than any movie with a black actor as star.

The Martian, a remake of Robinson Crusoe on Mars, featured several NASA scientists played by black actors, but that was not impressive to Oscar. Now if Matt Damon had met a black Martian in the movie whom he dubbed Friday, the actor would have likely taken best supporting award.

Spotlight also seemed to be Best Picture as Remake: it looked to us like All the President's Men Meet All the Cardinal's Men. Those daring young men in journalism seem to be heroic for another generation.

If you felt like you've already seen the nominees and winners from Oscar before, you probably have.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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