Trump announces plans to be world leader and how he will instruct the globe to behave

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Thursday, 11 February 2016

image for Trump announces plans to be world leader and how he will instruct the globe to behave
Mr. Trump refreshes his image for final sweep to GOP nomination

Last night in a news conference, Mr. Trump laid out his vision for his coming global leadership and how to improve world affairs.

He made it plain his notions for world order would brook no nonsense to his instructions as leader of "the greatest country on the face of the earth in history, and into the future--especially under my leadership as president."

Ordering President Xi Jinping of China to get rid of President Kim Jong Un of North Korea is just the beginning, Mr. Trump said.

After all, the US controls China, which means Mr. Trump as president can order up what he likes, and China will jump to it.

China could disappear Mr. Jong Un easily, no doubt about it, Mr. Trump said.

Then again there's all those jobs the Chinese are taking, although orchestrated by US and international corporations, and those jobs would come back to the US pronto.

So of course employment would boom--although at current hourly wages, around 7 dollars, that is obvious, he said. This is basic economic sense.

"Believe me, I know what I'm doing," Mr. Trump stated, as cameras flashed.

Then, on to Russia, Mr. Trump would call upon Mr. Putin, with whom he has developed a good deal of rapport in the last few months.

He would say, "Vladimir, my friend, you need to get the hell out of Syria, because the US, Turkey, and Saudi Arabia want that territory. That's the way it is."

Mr. Putin would of course agree. What choice would he have? The United States is the most powerful country on the globe, and the commander in chief is like a god.

Isn't he?

So with the rest of the globe. Iran would need to go back home and get used to the sanctions again, with Obama's nuclear deal canceled.

The military would rebuild to more war ships, aircraft, missiles, drone bombers, and such.

Restoring the draft, particularly for women, was something Mr. Trump has found himself warming to by the day.

Now, as to torture that word has been exaggerated and misused, oh my god.

Truly, for once he had to agree with Mr. Cruz, the term is more properly "enhanced interrogation," not torture.

And not enhanced enough, in his view as Commander in Chief. No. let it be enhanced further.

A little water would never hurt anybody, and he himself, Mr. Trump explained, would be willing to get down on a board and demonstrate how mild and silly it was.

One question did arise at this point, on what he was suggesting to further enhance interrogation methods, and Mr. Trump smiled.

"You think I'm gonna talk about that, and alert our enemies. Don't be naïve."

Mr. Trump then reiterated he would get down on a board himself to show how mild and silly water-boarding is, and let the American people think about how to enhance interrogation and send him their ideas.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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